Great post. My $0 gift is going to be forwarding this email to someone in the hopes that it also puts a big smile on their face. And then the gift loop will be complete when they subscribe to Both Are True and they are so happy they become paid subscribers....
#16 is my hands down favorite. Plans always sound great until the day before and then it's, UGH, why did I agree to voluntarily leave the house? If someone cancels on my 24 hours before, they're all "Oh, I'm so sorry, I can't go" and I'm thinking inside "this is the BEST GIFT EVER!" Double points to my sister, who always cancels our plans but hasn't realized yet (?!) that I secretly love when she cancels and so she comes up with the most impressively lame excuses (she--twice--has canceled plans because there's a fire more than 50 miles away that might cut off escape routes. We live in LA). Entertaining AND I'm off the hook.
Can someone please explain to me the rage about popping your significant other’s zits? It is also a “gift” that I - reluctantly - give sometimes, but I do not get it. Is it like a bubble wrap substitute?
I love this list. My grandparents' gift giving habits (find cheapest gift imaginable, compete with one another on who can find cheapest, crappiest gift) are actually something I miss now that they're gone. I remember, once, my grandfather gave me a string of plastic mardi gras beads he got at church. He bragged it was from the "pay what you think it's worth" table. My grandmother asked, "oh John, those are lovely! How much did you pay?" Him: "nothing" 🙈
The laughter and the absurdity was the gift, really.
here is a relevant answer to one of your questions from my friend sophie lucido johnson's substack which is https://goodenoughjob.substack.com/
"Gifts That Cost No Money:
1. Explicitly tell people that you love them.
Tell your chosen family that you consider them family. More than that, tell them how grateful you are that they’re your family, and remind them that you love them unconditionally. “I want you to know that even if you took my car and crashed it into my favorite tree, destroying the car AND the tree, I would still love you just as much as I do now. My love for you is the same as all the mass in the universe: it can’t be destroyed. It is, simply, a fact,” you might say to them. Or some iteration of that. One thing I’ve learned writing this newsletter is that so many people beat themselves up. People (maybe even YOUR people!) want to be cared for, but they suspect that they’re not deserving of care, or that care is not available to them. Put it into words: they are worthy, they are deserving, and they are possessing. Now and always. They are your family."
People would 💯 ask a doc to do a quick surgery for them, but since I’m an ER doc mostly people just show me their rashes without warning at Christmas parties and ask for a diagnosis. Sometimes those rashes are on their genitals. When in doubt, I tell them it’s syphilis..;)
Deep massage for your partner. If you’ve been married for 32 years that massage comes with a groan, lasts about 30 seconds with the spouse saying, Now do me.”
I like the escape room idea. So much can go wrong.
Well, perfect timing as I was just saying this morning I have no interest in buying a gift for the sake of fulfilling some sort of obligation & what might I give instead, such as an experience, that would fill the bill? So yay, I love this list of yours and the PHEWnerals idea is freaking golden. Perhaps I'll throw one for myself and see what happens.
I'm not asking anyone who does comedy to tell me a joke off the bat. It's a tough business and putting them on the spot like that is absurd. Let them tell me a joke when they want to.
If there is a doctor in the house i would love a free lasik surgery fwiw
Great post. My $0 gift is going to be forwarding this email to someone in the hopes that it also puts a big smile on their face. And then the gift loop will be complete when they subscribe to Both Are True and they are so happy they become paid subscribers....
Wait a minute, I get it now.
#16 is my hands down favorite. Plans always sound great until the day before and then it's, UGH, why did I agree to voluntarily leave the house? If someone cancels on my 24 hours before, they're all "Oh, I'm so sorry, I can't go" and I'm thinking inside "this is the BEST GIFT EVER!" Double points to my sister, who always cancels our plans but hasn't realized yet (?!) that I secretly love when she cancels and so she comes up with the most impressively lame excuses (she--twice--has canceled plans because there's a fire more than 50 miles away that might cut off escape routes. We live in LA). Entertaining AND I'm off the hook.
Phewnerals YES
But locking them in the basement ... until things get weird. Well that sorta spoke to me. Now, if I only had a basement...
Genuinely laughed out loud at “Goo_Goo_Dolls_Iris.mp3” in a tapas bar full of Spaniards. Now they’re all looking at me oddly. Thank you.
Can someone please explain to me the rage about popping your significant other’s zits? It is also a “gift” that I - reluctantly - give sometimes, but I do not get it. Is it like a bubble wrap substitute?
I love this list. My grandparents' gift giving habits (find cheapest gift imaginable, compete with one another on who can find cheapest, crappiest gift) are actually something I miss now that they're gone. I remember, once, my grandfather gave me a string of plastic mardi gras beads he got at church. He bragged it was from the "pay what you think it's worth" table. My grandmother asked, "oh John, those are lovely! How much did you pay?" Him: "nothing" 🙈
The laughter and the absurdity was the gift, really.
dear alex,
thank you and love you!
here is a relevant answer to one of your questions from my friend sophie lucido johnson's substack which is https://goodenoughjob.substack.com/
"Gifts That Cost No Money:
1. Explicitly tell people that you love them.
Tell your chosen family that you consider them family. More than that, tell them how grateful you are that they’re your family, and remind them that you love them unconditionally. “I want you to know that even if you took my car and crashed it into my favorite tree, destroying the car AND the tree, I would still love you just as much as I do now. My love for you is the same as all the mass in the universe: it can’t be destroyed. It is, simply, a fact,” you might say to them. Or some iteration of that. One thing I’ve learned writing this newsletter is that so many people beat themselves up. People (maybe even YOUR people!) want to be cared for, but they suspect that they’re not deserving of care, or that care is not available to them. Put it into words: they are worthy, they are deserving, and they are possessing. Now and always. They are your family."
love you!
myq
You finished the year strong! This is hilarious
Make a party atmosphere out of picking up dog crap. Post on Youtube
People would 💯 ask a doc to do a quick surgery for them, but since I’m an ER doc mostly people just show me their rashes without warning at Christmas parties and ask for a diagnosis. Sometimes those rashes are on their genitals. When in doubt, I tell them it’s syphilis..;)
Deep massage for your partner. If you’ve been married for 32 years that massage comes with a groan, lasts about 30 seconds with the spouse saying, Now do me.”
I like the escape room idea. So much can go wrong.
..take them to your backyard, tell them it's wheat fields, and laugh and laugh
(make sure you have good medical insurance. Gifts are much cheaper)
Well, perfect timing as I was just saying this morning I have no interest in buying a gift for the sake of fulfilling some sort of obligation & what might I give instead, such as an experience, that would fill the bill? So yay, I love this list of yours and the PHEWnerals idea is freaking golden. Perhaps I'll throw one for myself and see what happens.
I'm not asking anyone who does comedy to tell me a joke off the bat. It's a tough business and putting them on the spot like that is absurd. Let them tell me a joke when they want to.
This is the best gift guide I've ever read! Too bad I already bought all these presents...