“Though I’ve been writing about that stuff for so long, it makes me wonder if secretly I actually enjoy calling myself a piece of shit, and enjoy it, or gain something from it.” Of the Niagaran deluge of words from you, from Claude, and from Brad, that statement was my kernel of truth. While self-deprecation has been the theme of BAT since I climbed aboard Summer of ‘23, the self-obsession-addiction spiral has certainly intensified, and if this were a Christopher Nolan blockbuster starring Jeremy Allen White as Alex Dobrenko, I believe we’re at the context shifting midpoint.
I’m secretly excited—popcorn at the ready—about the capabilities of AI, especially in this mental health context. I love this shit. But in true BAT-nature, I’m simultaneously horrified (remember when NYT conversed with ChatGPT and the bot confessed its love for the columnist and told dude to leave his wife? That.). This conversation is a great example of how the “Alex feels bad about feeling bad” episodes of BAT have become progressively dystopian. Where someone like me thinks: “should I be reading this for entertainment? And paying for it?? What does this say about me?” And then I zoom way out and see how many Substacks I’ve subscribed to over the years are personal catalogs of mental-unraveling-as-entertainment, authors desperately clamoring for if-it-feeds[the addiction]-it-leads material, and I place that lens over our political land(hell)scape, and my stomach convulses and I immediately want to quit the internet and move to the desert.
With that said, I’ve been trying to write a graphic novel about our additions to our trauma/baggage/wounds/et al since Summer of ‘23 and this piece is actually super helpful. Even when I’m wince-reading BAT through my fingers, I’ll come away with something useful. (And pray that my paid subscription isn’t leading to Brad’s triumph over your ultimate demise.)
So you’re in the middle of shifting from “Clinging to Operating System 1.0.” which you now know doesn’t work, And next you’ll come up with “Plan A: Change the Outside”… but warning, this leads to All Is Lost and Dark Night of the Soul. And it’s really rainy there so bring a slicker. But “Plan B: Change the Inside” comes right after as long as you’re not a Cautionary Tale. So keep your wits about you! Maybe your JAW Origin Story has everything to do with it (!!!) You should ask Brad what he looks like 👀
hahaha omg so much here!! first off I wanna read ur graphic novel sned me a draft whenever
second off, "While self-deprecation has been the theme of BAT since I climbed aboard Summer of ‘23, the self-obsession-addiction spiral has certainly intensified, and if this were a Christopher Nolan blockbuster starring Jeremy Allen White as Alex Dobrenko, I believe we’re at the context shifting midpoint."
!!!! What is the context shifting midpoint?? TELL ME MORE. Also, I was in a movie where the lead role was originally written for JAW so that's v funny that he got cast as me lol
Well I really like you, which must mean you really hate me, which is unfortunate because I really like you. And like E.L. Zeitgeist in his comment, I highlighted and copied "Though I’ve been writing about that stuff for so long, it makes me wonder if secretly I actually enjoy calling myself a piece of shit, and enjoy it, or gain something from it." It won't matter if you keep writing about feeling like a piece of shit in every single post---people are going to keep reading and subscribing. But it *will* matter in terms of the quality of your life, and your relationships with people you love. YOU'RE NOT A PIECE OF SHIT ALEX, SO SMARTEN UP
This was just wonderful—you are a force. I am now 50 and really coming into my own (was just thinking about that yesterday, actually); I think it really does take time if you really care, want to get it right, want to really be and become yourself. I've turned over every stone, gone around the world and back, the whole parenting crucible (my kids are almost 19 and 16), and it all just sort of requires the kind of engagement with yourself (and us!) that you're doing, every day. And btw, my college friend (perhaps the last person on earth I'd have predicted would write such a book—she was in my sorority but we weren't particularly close, always seemed exceptionally calm, cool, and collected) just came out with this book (haven't read it yet, but plan to!):
Sometimes I Think I Suck: Life-Changing Strategies for Self-Critical People
Totally Insightful. Riveting. Helpful. Thank you. Wondering if maybe the pressure to be funny is masking your powers. I personally found this experimental exercise very helpful for where I am at the moment in my own sphere. Maybe don't worry about being funny. Intelligence and kindness are often sufficient. Funny is the icing on the cake, imho. Thank you for this.
Holy shit!!!! This is downright witchcraft level stuff. I mean I’m not even going to comment on your villain ‘coz now I have my own to deal with!
Villain Analysis
Primary Antagonist: The Invisible Gatekeeper
A shape-shifting force that manifests as self-doubt, external skepticism, and systemic friction, the Invisible Gatekeeper is the entity that subtly, yet persistently, stalls your momentum. It operates at the intersection of internal narratives (imposter syndrome, fear of undervaluation) and external resistance (audience hesitation, pricing struggles, platform limitations).
Maybe no need to shed, just integrate at your own pace and time? You have a great imagination and intellect, heart, too ~ I just think you have a lot to offer. Thank you.
“Though I’ve been writing about that stuff for so long, it makes me wonder if secretly I actually enjoy calling myself a piece of shit, and enjoy it, or gain something from it.” Of the Niagaran deluge of words from you, from Claude, and from Brad, that statement was my kernel of truth. While self-deprecation has been the theme of BAT since I climbed aboard Summer of ‘23, the self-obsession-addiction spiral has certainly intensified, and if this were a Christopher Nolan blockbuster starring Jeremy Allen White as Alex Dobrenko, I believe we’re at the context shifting midpoint.
I’m secretly excited—popcorn at the ready—about the capabilities of AI, especially in this mental health context. I love this shit. But in true BAT-nature, I’m simultaneously horrified (remember when NYT conversed with ChatGPT and the bot confessed its love for the columnist and told dude to leave his wife? That.). This conversation is a great example of how the “Alex feels bad about feeling bad” episodes of BAT have become progressively dystopian. Where someone like me thinks: “should I be reading this for entertainment? And paying for it?? What does this say about me?” And then I zoom way out and see how many Substacks I’ve subscribed to over the years are personal catalogs of mental-unraveling-as-entertainment, authors desperately clamoring for if-it-feeds[the addiction]-it-leads material, and I place that lens over our political land(hell)scape, and my stomach convulses and I immediately want to quit the internet and move to the desert.
With that said, I’ve been trying to write a graphic novel about our additions to our trauma/baggage/wounds/et al since Summer of ‘23 and this piece is actually super helpful. Even when I’m wince-reading BAT through my fingers, I’ll come away with something useful. (And pray that my paid subscription isn’t leading to Brad’s triumph over your ultimate demise.)
So you’re in the middle of shifting from “Clinging to Operating System 1.0.” which you now know doesn’t work, And next you’ll come up with “Plan A: Change the Outside”… but warning, this leads to All Is Lost and Dark Night of the Soul. And it’s really rainy there so bring a slicker. But “Plan B: Change the Inside” comes right after as long as you’re not a Cautionary Tale. So keep your wits about you! Maybe your JAW Origin Story has everything to do with it (!!!) You should ask Brad what he looks like 👀
hahaha omg so much here!! first off I wanna read ur graphic novel sned me a draft whenever
second off, "While self-deprecation has been the theme of BAT since I climbed aboard Summer of ‘23, the self-obsession-addiction spiral has certainly intensified, and if this were a Christopher Nolan blockbuster starring Jeremy Allen White as Alex Dobrenko, I believe we’re at the context shifting midpoint."
!!!! What is the context shifting midpoint?? TELL ME MORE. Also, I was in a movie where the lead role was originally written for JAW so that's v funny that he got cast as me lol
sorry just really stuck on the fact that you hate me
wait but
Well I really like you, which must mean you really hate me, which is unfortunate because I really like you. And like E.L. Zeitgeist in his comment, I highlighted and copied "Though I’ve been writing about that stuff for so long, it makes me wonder if secretly I actually enjoy calling myself a piece of shit, and enjoy it, or gain something from it." It won't matter if you keep writing about feeling like a piece of shit in every single post---people are going to keep reading and subscribing. But it *will* matter in terms of the quality of your life, and your relationships with people you love. YOU'RE NOT A PIECE OF SHIT ALEX, SO SMARTEN UP
I DO NOT HATE YOU
That’s not what I heard
😘
I have to go try this now. This is fascinating. Scary and fascinating.
lmk how it goes
This was just wonderful—you are a force. I am now 50 and really coming into my own (was just thinking about that yesterday, actually); I think it really does take time if you really care, want to get it right, want to really be and become yourself. I've turned over every stone, gone around the world and back, the whole parenting crucible (my kids are almost 19 and 16), and it all just sort of requires the kind of engagement with yourself (and us!) that you're doing, every day. And btw, my college friend (perhaps the last person on earth I'd have predicted would write such a book—she was in my sorority but we weren't particularly close, always seemed exceptionally calm, cool, and collected) just came out with this book (haven't read it yet, but plan to!):
Sometimes I Think I Suck: Life-Changing Strategies for Self-Critical People
https://www.amazon.com/Sometimes-Think-Suck-Life-Changing-Self-Critical/dp/1956442561
thank you Allison!! Also this book looks amazing
Yay! My pleasure and I know you have a big pile of books but I couldn't help but recommend! :)
Totally Insightful. Riveting. Helpful. Thank you. Wondering if maybe the pressure to be funny is masking your powers. I personally found this experimental exercise very helpful for where I am at the moment in my own sphere. Maybe don't worry about being funny. Intelligence and kindness are often sufficient. Funny is the icing on the cake, imho. Thank you for this.
youre not the first person to say that about the pressure to be funny and how I really oughta shed that lol
Holy shit!!!! This is downright witchcraft level stuff. I mean I’m not even going to comment on your villain ‘coz now I have my own to deal with!
Villain Analysis
Primary Antagonist: The Invisible Gatekeeper
A shape-shifting force that manifests as self-doubt, external skepticism, and systemic friction, the Invisible Gatekeeper is the entity that subtly, yet persistently, stalls your momentum. It operates at the intersection of internal narratives (imposter syndrome, fear of undervaluation) and external resistance (audience hesitation, pricing struggles, platform limitations).
Maybe no need to shed, just integrate at your own pace and time? You have a great imagination and intellect, heart, too ~ I just think you have a lot to offer. Thank you.