advice for when your tank is empty and you want to write a blockbuster movie about your cat
To anyone who spotted the Valentine’s Day intro still in the email - Congrats! You’re a winner. The intro didn’t get the love it deserved last week so it stayed in. It will stay in as long as necessary.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re also a winner!
jello is not worth it even in a shot
Drop everything you're doing, absolutely write a parody "How to Manipulate Friends and Blackmail People",* deadeye seriously place it on Amazon.com for $200 bux, and just watch what happens.
* At least 120 pages roughly filled with human-meaningful text largely in the shape of jokes.
I love this: "I am actually writing an essay about how our fear of cliche stops us from being kind and normal people and how bullshit that is..." Goddam truth. Long live cliches! Cynicism and irony has had a good run, but they're downer tyrants and it's time for the return of shiny and bleeding obvious statements that are actually truth said with abandon.
I love the way you elevated the shoutout! And as BAT paid subs grow I look forward to the day these fake bios begin to interact with each other.
Meantime, I’ll take cats for $100, Alex.
I am not a cat person. I don’t hate them. They’re fine. But I don’t seek them out. When I’m at a friend’s house and they have a cat, I try to avoid the cat. I guess I don’t vibe with cats. But Christina says they love me. And she’s probably right, as usual. Because they often come over to me and just sit on my lap and chill. And it’s fine, as long as they don’t bite or scratch. And I’ll even pet them. And people will be like, Michael, cats love you, you should get a cat. But I’m like, no way.
Vadim B. would ba a butcher from Barcelona, Vadim D. is a drummer from Denmark...
Alex, I want to read that book, whether it exists or not!
Also, I love the way you think, boy I’m grateful I don’t live in your head.
or should i say "yo alex"? (should i?)
i love this and you and here are some specific beloved things from this and you:
-- ‘yo,’ which I am sure astute readers will know is short for ‘yodelayheehoo’
-- I’ve also saved 3 marriages and kicked off 4 divorces.
-- What do you do when you have nothing left to give? Take.
-- Give away the narrative you’ve created about yourself in which you have nothing left to give.
-- Much like a pdf, you’re still attached.
-- In closing (time, finish up ur wiski and beards)
and now, my answers to your questions:
1) How do you beat the beasts of self doubt and self consciousness?
i don't fight them.
2) How soon did you remarry after your spouse passed away?
if by "remarry" you mean "get into a new lifelong partnership" and by "passed away" you mean "got divorced from you," then the answer is approximately 10 years.
3) Do you want advice? Comment and I will answer in a future edition
4) What is your honest to god relationship with Jell-O.
i don't eat it. it has gelatin in it i believe.
thank you for asking and sharing!
When I feel like I have nothing left to give I talk myself into giving just one more thing and then I have a breakdown from the stress of it all and ignore the world for like 3 months because wtf doesn't everybody realize I just can't. Very healthy 10/10 recommend.
If the Cat in the Hat ride is hell, then I’d like to welcome you to SUPER HELL: https://youtu.be/IirR9ggF490
Thanks for the shout out thanks, loved my bio. Being my age, when Hello Mary Lou, the Ricky Nelson version came out, (I was 11) I was both pleased and embarrassed - since it was so clearly such a dorky name, but hey, RICKY NELSON, sang it! My best friend Susie wished that for xmas that year that he would show up under the tree for her as a present. Talk about magical thinking. And my 60 seconds of fame in 7th grade came at a dance held in someone's rec room (back when you were supposed to invite everyone in your class to a party) and Jimmy Mineo (who had been dating Sherry K and had a fight with her) invited me to dance with him when that song came on-- and she then danced with someone else when the Four Season's Sherry, Sherry, came on. Such drama, good memories!
DON'T HATE ON THE BAND STARS, THEY ARE DOPE. That 2004 album with that "your ex-lover is dead" song was the soundtrack to my 2011
I grew up not far from the town where they INVENTED JELLO for real.
Do you know why the Dalai Lama can't vacuum his couch? Because he has no attachments.
Sorry. I couldn't not do it
"This is all true. How else could I have just written it?" Beautiful!
Alex your writing in this episode was just extra insane and so funny. Thank you. And thanks for the shoutout! And I love the subscriber bios. Everyone on the planet should get a BAT bio, subscriber or not, actually. I think it would make people feel better.
ALSO your advice was excellent. All of it.
ALSO I already have your new book and I hollowed out the middle and I am taking a bath in it as we speak.
ALSO I skipped reading all the cat stuff sorry I avoid all cat stuff as a policy.
AND FINALLY Jell-O is wonderful there should be less cats in this world and more Jell-O.
A fools "err" 😂😂😂