a new holiday
okay wow this post is landing (#21!!!!!)
why does climate change need a rebrand?! I’m afraid of what I’m missing
3. nachos are scary af bc the only good ones were at a restaurant in flagstaff called criollo that is now closed
9. As someone kinda now working with AI, I promise it’s not a golden teat
22. YOU CANT FOOL ME
I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOU but also scared I won’t get my writing off the ground again okay let’s talk yep
1052. Working too much
I think the solution to many of these fears is that we all Unsubscribe at once and make Alex confront himself. (Don't worry we can all subscribe again tomorrow because we know we don't want to miss out on these fun posts) but it sure would be funny to see his face in the morning when his numbers are so down.... sorry, I'm just an old person and we have really serious fears because we have already failed at life so that got several of those on the list out of the way. Now my biggest fear is losing at chess. I confront it every day and it gets NO better. Yeah, the big trucks is still a thing though.
Folding some of your fears together, I find my greatest potential despair: spending too much time with my kids and not working enough to amount to anything as a writer// writing too much and missing critical time with my kids // spending too much time trying to become a successful writer and so missing my kids and also never becoming a successful writer.
Also, my kids driving cars.
1. That I’ll throw a baby off a cliff or balcony
2. That I’ll hit someone in the head with a plate or tray
3. That they’ll try to make me a manager at work.
Balconies, the safety railings are just never high or substantial enough?
1. Missing out on dog pics over on Notes
2. Getting murderized by my tiny angel, who sometimes tries to kill me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=3qf3RBfuSZM
As usual, my husband asks what I’m laughing at and my response is, “Alex Dobrenko’s newsletter.” The lol moment might have been not being as successful as Adam Sandler.
3. love u 2
Top fear is being homeless
Second top fear is my kids dying before I do
Third fear is my appointment at "Anytime Fitness" tomorrow. (This one has subfears, like they'll pressure me hard so I'll sign up even if it's not my thing. Or that I'll like it and sign up but never go. Or that I'll economize by joining the local community center instead, then never go.)
Fourth fear is that I will stay mired in my hideous recent cycle of self-doubt, self-flagellation, self-contempt, etc.
How do you manage to get your wife to read your posts, that's amazing. Props to Lauren :)
Mine doesn't, but on the bright side, it means I can shamelessly exaggerate everything about her on substack for the lols
I'm definitely scared of death and also the practicality of it, like my body either decomposing into the ground or burning into a thick coffin. I kind of visualise this a lot.
Scared of cancer/ebola/aids/bubonic plague
Scared of flying. (Yes, I know it's the safest mode of transportation yadi yada)
Scared of that Sardinian cheese with the living worms in it
Scared that the universe is expanding
Scared of my wife/her mum, my mum/her mum
Omg what a great idea I should make my own list but most of your list is my list so maybe don’t need to bother.
My favorite: “both not being true.”
For all of you worrying about being good dads.
My father was a contrarian jackass who spent his 30s living on the street in an alcoholic stupor. Even after he sobered up, he could be difficult.
And I still miss him.
Maybe not every day (it has been 25 years) but at odd times, I'll see something and think Jimmy would have loved this!
When Trump got elected, I could hear my father coming back from his grave to rant about him. When my niece graduated college, I knew how proud he would be.
Despite everything I knew he loved me.
And I miss him.
So if I can still grieve the most difficult man and the worst conventional father in history, I think all of you are safe.
Your worst problem is going to be maintaining the high standards you're setting.
And the teenage years. You have to live until the kids are 20+.
But you can do it.
My fearsharing list for Alex, as of today:
- Missing out on all the black Friday sales
- Buying shit on Black Friday and then imagining it going into a giant pile of trash that ends up as a tsunami of garbage that kills every human in 2034
- Being too high, too often
- Thinking my cold fingers are a sign of a dreaded, killer disease
- Oh, and that one day I'll be dead.
I think you’re “in your bag” writing lists. Bloody brilliant.
Glad you wrote this :) so much good stuff
The list is pretty universal. We can all sit around quietly and suddenly blurt out #49!! Everyone will just wring their hands in silent commiseration.
I actually love this idea, Alex! Hallmark will stupidly pass on it... and I will embrace it.
After carefully considering each of your fears, I want to say the only one you really should be afraid of is "never doing stand up".
The best part of doing stand up is that EVERYBODY SUCKS AT IT at first... and then, slowly they discover their tight five and boom... off to YouTube... and then slowly, one day... POOF, your own Netflix special. After failing and refining your jokes for fucking ever of course.
In the meantime... thank you for sharing your spirit here on Da Stacks.