does anyone know how to inherit wealth?

been reading a ton about it and am fairly sure it's the path for me

by Anna-Laura Sullivan

No story this week as I’ve been up to my marbles reading up on this idea of ‘inherited wealth.’

For those of you not familiar, its basically when someone old with a ton of money croaks (rip obviously).

Unlike popular belief, that money does not get destroyed or even given equally back to the people of the state or, and this I knew was a long shot but still, the money doesn’t get tossed like a bouquet at a wedding to see who will be rich next. Missed opportunities all around but hey maybe this silly thinking is what got me here (not wealthy) in the first place.

Instead, all of the money goes to a handful of people outlined in a document called “the will.”

It’s called “the will” because you say in it how much money you WILL give to each person you love. “I will give Alex a few million” and so on.

Lawyers known as ‘executors’ (quiet part out loud much??) handle the will so that when you’re dead and gone the lawyer can make calls to everyone on the will and ask them to please come to their office so they can tell them the good news.

Lawyers never tell you this news on the phone because they worry you’ll get too excited and jump out of a window which would stink for the lawyer since you don’t yet have a will. Once you meet with the lawyer and they give you money, they’ll make sure you also set up a will.

Once you have a will, you can do whatever you want.

There’s a wealth (!) of great information online about what to do if you are an ‘heir’ to an inheritance, but that sort of feels like the easiest part?

I don’t need to read an article on “How to eat the perfect plate of nachos” - once I’ve got the perfect nachos (cheese, chicken yes I said chicken, beans of course, avocado, etc), rest assured I’ll know how to eat em.

I need help getting those nachos if you catch my whiff.

Sidenote: I think that word “heir” is a misspelling of the word “heri” which is right there in the word inheritance. Mistakes like these make it clear that the inheritance industry is a mess. Reform is needed up and down the ticket.

In the great article I just read “Five Strategies to Keep Your Heirs (sic) From Blowing Their Inheritance,” there’s this quote:

"Estate planning is a process to transfer wealth, but it doesn't help the family develop an infrastructure to sustain it, or keep the family unified from one generation to the next," says Debbie Dalton, a Bay Village, Ohio, resident, whose family is learning how to successfully steward the wealth that her father, a chemical engineer, amassed as founder of cryogenic equipment maker Chart Industries.

Sounds like the difficulties for Debbie probably had to do with her dad thinking his cryogenic invention would keep him alive forever and thus not have to ever give any of his wealth away.

Also what a fakeout with the company name Chart Industries. “So, did your dad invent the pie chart over at Chart Industries?”

“No, he invented cryogenics.”

Another option of course is to ‘marry rich’ which feels like a no brainer but sadly I am already married to my wife who, and this is neither here nor there, I love.

The easy solve here would be to marry a second person just for their wealth but I did some googling and apparently you are not legally allowed to do that in a single one of the fifty states.

I was born in the wrong time, or at least to the wrong people. No disrespect to my parents who are great but are not in the top 1% of earners in the USA.

The only option left, it seems, is to wiggle my way into the will of someone with wealth (say that 100 times fast hahah no).

I have a few friends whose parents come from considerable means, but trying to get on those wills would mean going into direct competition with my friends.

It would be so weird when any of their parents passed and I was like ‘omg you were on the will too’??? The funeral would be a nightmare which they already sort of are.

I’ll be honest with you, I felt down and out with the whole inherit wealth thing. But I’m resilient like jello¹, so I had a think and finally thought, “what if instead of inheriting the wealth I just became wealthy.” That was the ‘aha’ moment that changed everything.

From there I quickly googled “How to get rich” and found this article:

How did I know this was the real deal? Because Dr. Hardy said that there was a lot of fluff out there!! That meant he’d be giving me the straight meat and potatoes no fluff truth. He’d been reading these books for 15 years! Surely he was rich by now! I began:

Step one: Really, Really, Want To Make Money

Now this might sound like fluff but that’s because you’re not reading carefluffly.

A lot of people Really Want To Make Money but very few Really, Really, Want To Make Money.

Luckily I am part of that small cohort. Six steps to go.

Step 2: Transform Your Identity

Duh. You’re not gonna get rich as the dumbass that you are, so you have to become someone else.

Since I Really, Really want this, I’ve already taken two separate actions to ensure I can transform my identity:

1. Called Witness Protection Program and asked if anyone can apply like if I could just get a new identity in order to attain wealth. Waiting to hear back will follow up tomorrow if I don’t hear.

2. Bought one of these:

3. Give away money

What the hell??? No way am I gonna give away money that would be the opposite of what I want no offense Dr. Hardy but you’re an idiot.

I was shit out of luck. All the doors had closed but none had yet opened, which seemed impossible given the quantum mechanic theory of doors. That’s when I realized: I’d been missing the elephant for the trees.

My own family. Perhaps they were sitting on a nest egg that I would inherit one day. I texted my dad and asked him.

Following the golden rule - if you want money, ask for help (and if you want help, ask for money, I simply asked for tips - here’s our convo:

Well that was a complete fucking letdown.

Great dad thanks for giving me all of these “qualities” I feel rich like that guy from fiddler on the roof ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum.

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But wait, there’s less

All my doors are now closed of course except for one. You there, yes you, the one reading this don’t look behind you I’m talking to you.

Can I inherit your wealth? Perhaps even in a yearly or monthly sort of way? Bonus: you don’t hafta die you can stay alive.

This feels like a wealth win/win. Remember the last time there was a WWW? This will be like that.

Plz consider becoming a paid both are true subscriber I work really hard on this piece and all of them. You’re my best friend and frankly my only shot.

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