dang Madeline goin RIGHT for it what did she just get MARIeD or something!? Um...what brings me delight? I've been reading a lot of Philip Roth and that dude is funny as fuck. I know he's controversial, but I first read this essay about him and the idea of controversial writers that sorta blew my mind - https://yalereview.org/article/garth-greenwell-philip-roth, like basically that characters shouldn't have to live up to any moral standard in fiction, like that's sort of the point of the fiction anyways, it felt like it gave me some permission to read his stuff and it is demented weird but also captures the pathos of being a kid in a jewish family very well, at least portnoy's complaint does which is the one I'm reading.
Its funny how I'm scared to even write this, like omg am I gonna get cancelled bc I am reading philip roth, by my dear friend madeline no less? So yea nvm this is not delight not at all....
I have been very delight listening to Girl Talk, who I used to obsessed with. Mashup king. Its just relentless stuff, his music.
Oh and its been raining here and we go on lots of rain walks with Wilder and he loooooves putting his rain boots in the little river of moving water on the side of the street and screaming "whoa!" and "Big one!" and that melts me down to pure love so that is good and delight
Q: What brings you delight and also how tf was the wdding
A: Myq, I did not think of that palindromic genius but I am glad to know it now. Heretoforth, this event will be called A YAMA-MAYA (the palindrome).
Q: Does your brain naturally just do all this stuff with words and letters? Or do you have to kinda go, "hmm what sorta word play could I get into here?
Q: I Sort of hate that question, so I'm gonna ask another. How are things? How's the new album release going? I haven't listened yet but lord knows I will soon. Lord knows.
A1: my brain DOES do all this stuff with words and letters pretty naturally. in fact, it does way MORE than i end up sharing (you're welcome)! sometimes i WILL set out to do it for fun if my wordplay spidey sense is tingling (big fan of spiderman and anagrams... PS I'm a nerd <-- anagram of spiderman), so i guess it's (like so many things) a combination of nature and nurture. or put another way, when YOU write or create or say something funny, does your brain do it naturally or do you have to go "hmm what sorta fun could i get into here?"
A2: things are busy and good. i just found out from my landlord that my girlfriend and i have to move in two months, and so that's scary/exciting. i just read a quote by GK Chesterton that seems apt: “An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.” so, an adventure! and thanks for asking about the album! it's going well! marc maron mentioned it at the top of his podcast and that was very cool, yesterday i recorded a podcast with mike pesca who i think is really great as well, and i've been getting to spread the word about it far and wide as possible! i think the jokes on it are really fun so i hope you and everyone who wants to gets to listen whenever possible! (also, all the jokes are basically clean so even your BABY could listen! there's even a singalong song on one of the tracks!)
thanks for asking friend! lord knows indeed! love!
A: I guess its both. My brain naturally perks up and then I do some work on it and then that makes it easier for it to perk up next time, etc.
Q: Are you a crossword guy? The wednesday nyt this past week was anagram heavy.
Q: dude that's sick about maron. Is there a Maron bump? did the numbers fly off the charts/??
S(statement): sorryu about the moving thing, but hey its a lot better than if your landlord had said JUST you or your girlfriend hAd to move. that woulda stunk.
P(promise): I owe you a response. In our letters. I have not, nor will I forget (how do you write this sentence bc it should be I have not forgotten nor will i forget, but how do you do both at once is it forgetten? lmk
thank you friend! lots to love HERE as well! i receive and appreciate and reciprocate!
a quote i just read today and really like from Om Swami:
“When we cling to a thought or follow its track, we are performing a mental karma, and that, in turn, is the seed of all physical actions.”
with respect to the brain perking up and then doing some work on it (the ol' perk 'n' work!), that resonates with me and with this quote i think. solidifying the muscle of creativity, sounds like!
A: i am a crossword tourist. i love doing crosswords and i don't do them every day. i particularly enjoy the cryptic crossword variety. ever do those? PS do you know zach sherwin's wonderful show that is called THE CROSSWORD SHOW? i recommend it the most highly to everyone everywhere especially in LA where they happen the most.
A: it IS sick about maron. thank you! i'm happy to report that my answer to this question is "i don't know!" ... i haven't been looking at the numbers at all, but i will tell you that a large single-digit number of friends told me they hear it on maron, so it's working!
S: thank you for your statement and your promise!
A (to your P): i think you could say "i have not forgotten, nor will i." or you could do whatever you want. or forget it. or fugeddaboutit. (you rarely hear THAT in the past tense. what happened? i fuGODdaboutit.)
ok wow Anne these are some real brain bust em ups right here. The scale of 1-100 COMPARED to the average American? So does 50 mean I am as happy as the Average American? I am going to go with that because I can't think of any other way this could work cuz i'm dumb.
1. I mean, this is tough! Because I am fortunate that I have all my basic needs met and don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from, and i think people living like that are stressed as fuck all the time, which makes it hard to be happy, I think? Idk, i don't wanna speak for anyone. I think I tend to run sad though, like I'm probably sad 70-80% of the time, and the rest is happy but I think that's pretty normal? Like people who are happy all the time scare me! I do feel fortunate as fuck though, I have the best stuff a wife a kid our families are healthy. And yet, the sadboi reigns supreme. So maybe I'd say I'm 50 outta 100. Cuz honestly the more I think about this question the less I understand myself or it.
Lonely, I'm way less lonely than most. I've got all the things. the wife and kid and lots of friends who love me and answer the phone if I call. My parents are still here and young and Lauren's too so that's awesome. I do definitely find that I'm more lonely for hanging with friends the older I get though. So I'd say as far as adults go, I'm like 10% least lonely, but if you include kids who are on the whole not lonely, then I'd be more like 30-40% least lonely. I wanna just be hanging with people more but I know thats also entirely on me so......
Angry! This one is a no brainer I'm high up like top 5%? Everything makes me angry. Comedy is often the release. I've learned how to manage my anger a lot better though and try to not ever take it out on other people. That's been a journey and a half.
Pleased with myself? Hm. Couple ways to answer this. One is that I'm more pleased w myself than I was a year ago. We're trending up. But still, I'd say I'm very not pleased w myself. I sorta hate myself, though lately I've been wondering how much of that is true and how much of it is a way of hiding from the real feelings underneath. Like it's easy to sorta go around saying 'I suck blah blah,' but like, even if true, is that useful? But I'd say I'm more pleased w myself than 20% of people? I just have a very high bar for myself that, whaddya know, keeps going up and up as soon as I reach it. I think its broken and I have called the manufacturer asking for a replacement.
Wooof!
2. This is hard! I actually recently did this exercise a coach recommended where I asked all my best friends what they thought my best qualities were. It was to help me hate myself less. I just read back through it and did a little cry cuz its so nice. The things they all said were like curious, sensitive and caring about everyone, and funny. Some of them said smart, too. And honest.
So I guess I'd describe myself as first and foremost oblivious as to who I really am lol. Cuz I don't think I'd be able to say much of that. It all feels too braggy, too good like I don't deserve kind words. I would say I like goofing around with friends. Making people laugh. Finding what's funny as a way to find what's true.
Absurd + honest has been the core of Both Are True, and I think its a big part of me.
Mostly I'm just a lil guy!
3. Ok this changes by the day but today its a trail mix that I MADE BY MYSELF. Here's what it's got: almonds, walnuts, goji berries (superfood, so I am super), 70% dark chocolate, sunflower seeds. It's so good and solves the problem I have with most trail mixes which is that they're just fronts for sugar to enter your body while making you think they're healthy.
OK damn I just wrote a lot. My turn.
Q: Where do you fall on the happy, lonely, angry, pleased w self scales?
Q: What's something most Cafe Anne readers don't know about you / would be surprised to learn about you?
Q: do u have any big time or small time regrets?
Q: What's a giant thing in life that you thought you'd never solve or understand but then you did?
(I know this is a lot so feel free to answer as few as you would like)
Woo! I loved every word of this, Alex. But especially where you wrote, "Mostly I'm just a lil guy!" Because when I wrote question #2, I thought, "I bet Alex says he refers to himself as 'Just a little guy'" as that's how I think about you thinking about yourself!
Your trail mix sounds good but I'd take out all the nuts and berries and seeds, and leave just the chocolate, but replace the 70% dark chocolate with milk chocolate.
Thank you for your questions in return—I will answer soon!
A1 : My oldest son's life changed in Japan as that is where he met his wife. Great choice. Iceland sounds so DIFFERENT than everywhere else. Read a Michael Lewis book and he described the people of Iceland as one-of-a-kind -- can't remember the title.
A2: so Colorado -- I was there shortly after legalization. Saw a dude riding a power skateboard with a blunt while walking a little dog -- nice
Q: Best advice I ever heard for retirement -- just wanna keep what I have -- family flourishing don't care where
That sound has forever and will forever be stuck in my head.
And it represents America because its about innovation. the entreprenurial spirit to say 'hey what if we combined pizza and bagels'
and then someone else was like 'what would we call it and someone else said 'pizza bagels'
Then the words themselves - the "fuck you we do what we want"edness of it all . We will eat pizza whenever we want. In the morning, in the evening, at supper time.
when pizza is on a bagel , you can eat pizza anytime
when you're an american, you can do whatever the fuck you want
wow that ended up working out a lot better than i expected lol
And ...Or... Do you have a dog and does that dog destroy your carpets and somehow does this destruction make you feel like you are failing at adulting?
a: we do have a dog his name is Robert. He's officially a senior dog now (8 years old). he doesn't destroy carpets, but he can be annoying as hell. He whines alot when he wants food (because we used to give him scraps from our plates and by used to I mean we still do)
He also has a strong dislike of anyone having fun. so if wilder is running around, he barks. if i pick up wilder or wilder picks me up, he barks. a lot of loud noises which are hard for my lil ears when combined with the whole baby thing.
it doesn't ever make me feel like im failing as an adult tho, cuz i dont think i much think about that being a goal of mine. Or like, I've decided adults are stupid and so I don't much strive to be one? I do always feel like i'm failing as an artist though, and just failing to keep all my shit together in general. Fun!
q: ok, so i was rummaging around ur substack and found this quote - “Close your eyes and open the window of your heart. Only when you have no more need for acceptance will everything you do be accepted.”- Rumi
I needed that this morning. But ok here's my question. how do you do that? Or at least get better at it?
Wilder picks you up? Love that! Also love Wilder’s name. Thank you for spending time in my Substack. It means much that thoughtful people like you, who are trying to make the world a little more beautiful, read it. As for Rumi, I think these are the questions I’ll be living my whole life. I spent a lot of time thinking about “The Guest House” yesterday morning as I was being visited by my less than fav folks (feelings)... unexplained feelings of dread ...
I think you are off to a good start by starting with what you value- so you are not trying to seek something you don’t actually value or want. I can remind myself that if my writing is meaning something to thoughtful people - that is more important than how many subscribers I have, than how many people like it. And even more so, that it means something to me, that I am growing through the act of creating...And then the guests arrive again and I spiral and fall on my face. The only way up and out of this is to do the things that bring me back to myself and what I value. Being honest with myself and others also seems to help.
exactly. the only thing i've ever found that reliably works is talking about it. I heard recently that whether you like your therapist is the biggest predictor of whether it actually works. That sorta says it all.
also holy balls that's hilarious i do not remember writing 'wilder picks me up' hahahaha he certainly does not but i guess that's a...freudian slip?
Love this conversation innovation, Alex! One day, Silicon Valley will catch on to what you're doing, and sure they'll probably steal YAMA-MAYA without paying you, and they'll probably turn it into a shitty app that makes a gazillion dollars, and no, you won't see a dime, or even get very far in your litigation, but YAMA-MAYA will change the world, and that will be a beautiful thing.
OK, here's my question. Think about your legacy after you're gone. (This is a long time from now, BTW). You have biographer. Imagine a very serious person who went to Harvard and got all the degrees. The one publishing house that's still around offers them a big-ass advance to write anything they want. They're like, "I only came to this meeting to do two things: drink Fiji water and tell you that I'm writing about Alex Dobrenko." The publishing house backs up a literal money truck. It's huge. Your biographer signs the contract and drives away with the money truck. After they put away a lot of money for their kid's education and their retirement, and maybe buy some nice stuff, and splurge on a cool vacation, they get to work. They rent an office. They hire researchers because there's a lot of Dobrenko material to sort through. The really go to town. They get everything you ever wrote or made, but they also get everything ever written or said about all the stuff you wrote or made. They have a goldmine. Everyone will want to read this biography of you.
But what's the gist of this amazing story? In other words, what's the one thing you want to be remembered for?
Damn dude this question makes my stomach hurt. I think that means I need some time to think about it before I answer, BUT I do not want that to be an excuse. What if we set a deadline or May 25? By then, I will have an answer for you, deal?
Q: You run into God and after all the 'omg its real' babble, God tells you that he needs to put ONE IDEA into the head of every newborn from now till forever. And God wants you to come up with it. What do you pick?
A:Yes I've been! I went to Montreal in Middle school for a school trip. It was a huge deal cuz it was our first time all together away from school and PUBERTY was running rampant. All I know tho is my friend Hank couldn't find a bathroom and ended up pooping his pants. Classic Montreal stuff.
I've also been to whatever the Canada part of Lake Superior is. where my other friend's family had a cabin. That was in high school. We had to walk like 3 miles to get to the cabin. No running water or electricity, it was heaven. Also I think it was one ofthe first times we got drunk cuz we'd sneak brewskies from the beer cooler thing that one of the adults set up in a river. We also cooked fish on a rock. Or a piece of wood. Classic Canada stuff. I have photos from that time, including one where I'm holding a bunch of potatoes wrapped in tin foil, smiling like a moron. Oh and another of me chopping wood.
I wanna go to Toronto tho. And Vancouver? What parts of Canada are coolest?
Q : What in the heck does 'work in books' mean? Are you a trader? a maker? A printer? details and then I can ask some queestions perhance
It's like you had a Canadian childhood in a condensed time frame! Lots of walking and potatoes. Fish, rocks, beer, wood, your friend not knowing where the bathrooms are....love it!
A: Vancouver is the coolest. If you do come here, look me up and I will buy you *and Lauren / your son if they are with you* a potato (snort).
JK, a beer or even a Pepsi. Toronto can be cool, or actually is freezing if you go in winter. The Nation's Capital (guess) is interesting and small, filled with govt workers. Nunavut (a territory created in 1999 to belong to Canada's Inuit) is vast and extremely cool. Bring lots of $$ as all goods must be flown in at great cost. Quebec City very cool. It helps if you speak French there, but not mandatory.
hell yes will def holler in vancouver for potatoes.
ok wait book editor tell me more what does that mean and, most importantly, how do I get a book published? I know its super easy and all you have to do is ask someone in a substack comment and it basically just happens from there right???
a) figured out what it's about and who might want to read it
b) written the book--or if it's nonfiction, written the book PROPOSAL, much easier but still not super-easy, and
c) made either the book or the proposal of publishable quality, this can take some skill and/or help, but on the plus side you're a writer, so you already have skill, and
d) formed a plan about who might publish it, and here is where connections are 100% valuable, and
e) researched agents, depending on who d) is (maybe you already have an agent, but it should be a literary agent), and
f) crafted a good pitch, (if it's NF this will be the proposal plus a letter etc.; if it's fiction this will be a "query letter"), and
g) hit the zeitgeist where publishers think it lives, and
h) have a bunch of people who might buy the book, that you can quantify for publishers, and be into marketing, which all writers have to do unless they're super famous, and
i) send it to acquisitions editors (your agent does this part), and
j) wait for an offer, and
k) sign a contract with the publisher, and
l) wait 18-24 months for the book to work its way through the publishing system, also involving some heavy lifting on your part with being there to do revisions, accept copyedits (this can take a while), review proofs, get "blurbs" saying the book is awesome, do PR, make friends with booksellers, get on TV, etc.
m) get behind the book big time for its launch, which is a short period...after 3-4 months publishers will have their new list out and won't be pushing your book
That's sort of the simple version but I think it hits all the high points. Independent book editors work in the arena of b) & c). Acquisitions editors (a special type of book editor who work for publishers) work in the arena of i) to l or m)
A: Woof, that's hard!! And I feel like it changes so so so often. Right now, I'd say Florence & The Machine is definitely up there at the top for me. Her voice + what she's singing about just connect in this deep place in my heart. I can't really explain it, I just know it to be true. A lot of the other stuff I'm digging is more ambient / instrumental like Olafur Arnalds. Also, John Prine - he's a poet.
A: another tough question! It really depends on age, but weirdly the first book I thought of was "The unbearable lightness of being" hahaha - it's def not a YA book, but it was the first book that really blew my mind wide open, and I feel like I was still a kid when I read it, even if I wasn't.
Also, I hope my son will love Oh the places you will go by Doc Seuss as much as I do (I've only begun loving it since reading it to him though)
OH AND Where the Wild Things Are - That book feels like its infinity deep somehow, and I need to figure out what's happening with Wilder together (it is his namesake, after all)
Q: What are the top 6 books you've read (ever, recently, whatever)?
Q: Besides the barenaked ladies, whose your fav band rn?
Books: Little Women. I can reread that thing anytime.
A Little Life
Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow (reading now)
The Outlander series yes I'm cheating and putting a whole series but James Alexander
Malcolm McKenzie Fraser is my man
Harold and the Purple Crayon
Bands: As if I could pick one favorite. Head & the Heart, Avett Brothers, Billy Strings, Lumineers, Guster, OKGo, Arcade Fire, Manchester Orchestra, AJR.
Blue hour, which these days is about 7:30 to 8pm. Filmmakers are supposed to love golden hour but blue hour is when the light in the sky is about the same luminance as the LED streetlights and automobile headlights that are turning on so literally every surface has high clarity and depth and it's like the rest of the day was just some simulation of a day but suddenly the day is cast in full relief and the world is incontrovertibly tangible.
Also I've been vibing on the "11:11, make a wish!" meme lately.
Wow for some reason this question feels like something my literal actual dad would ask! hmmmm....
I don't have a single favorite but one thing I always loved was watching Seinfeld and SNL with you and mom and laughing and hearing you guys laugh that was my favorite sound in the world and in many ways it still is.
Another one is when we'd go to Finagle A Bagel and they'd throw bagels on that conveyer belt toward the spinning wheel of death that would slice the bagel into two halves.
In Ukraine I remember very little, but i do remember always getting little splinters stuck in my toes and fingers and you guys having to get them out
honestly it was probably last night - Lauren made bacon grits with shrimp and a poached egg on top and it was really good. Before we sit down to eat anything she made she goes "I dunnoo, this is prob gonna suck." which she did say before this meal, but then after a few bites she was like 'oh this is fucking amazing.'
That part I feel like she almost never does, so it was defihitely a Big Deal
Are you watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey? And if so, do you agree Luis seems kind of okay. And if yes, are you worried that he's actually as terrible as the interwebs are saying he is and we're just being manipulated? If the answer to the first question was "no", then...how do you take your coffee? *shrug*
I'm not watching, but I can absolutely say with certainly that Luis is actually kind of okay. The media has decided to make him their punching bag for the week but he doesn't deserve it. He's Luis, he's got a good heart, and sure maaAybe some of the stuff the internet said he's done, he did in fact do, but who among us is perfect? He who throws the first stone better know Luis will catch that stone and kick your ass. I just hope Luis makes it out of all this alive. He's a good man.
Ok. Coffee? Black! I do espresso now with a lil espresso machine at home and those get me LIT. I had one before doing this AMA in fact.
Q: what the hell is Vanderpump Rules? I keep seeing it all over the media and I am genuinely clueless. I thought it was CW show about teenagers but it seems very much not to be. In genertal what are your thoughts on reality tv? will it ever stop? Can it ever stop? Do we want it to?
A: Vanderpump Rules is a reality show that I, surprisingly, don't watch - never got into it. But I do know that it follows the servers who work at either one or both of Lisa Vanderpump's restaurants in LA. Lisa Vanderpump was one of the original housewives on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I stopped watching that one after just a few seasons but because I always have my finger on the pulse of shameful reality TV, I do know that she left the show amidst some drama where she and her longtime friend, Kyle Richards (aunt of Paris Hilton), had a falling out but I don't know what about. People seem to love the spin-off though. It just never really piqued my interest.
Ab: I like the concept of reality TV but I hate what it's become. But I also can't seem to stop watching some of it. I'm so bored with the constant fighting, the plastic surgery, the acting different because it'll be a good storyline. My favorites are ones like Project Runway when the designers are all getting along and helping each other. I love watching their creative process and their skill/talent in making clothes. I liked the original housewives of Orange County when they didn't really know what was going on and we were just watching what their daily lives were like. I liked Lizzo's Watch Out for the Big Girls because everyone was so supportive of each other (except one person but thankfully she was booted out by Lizzo pretty early on for that exact reason).
A2: I take my coffee black too and THAT WAS A TRICK QUESTION TO SEE IF YOU WERE KEWL LIKE ME! Seriously...I feel inappropriately superior for loving black coffee. I can't explain why but when a server asks me if I want cream or sugar I like to look shocked and say "WHATTT? NO!!!" Between that and the reality show watching I'm not really selling myself as a good person but if I'm being honest, this is who I am.
A: In college I was known for a dance move that I will now call the manic shuffle, whereby I would shuffle from side to side but taking giant leaps from one side to the other. A couple times I even was bold enough to do it in the middle of one of those dance circles.
As I got older though, my move became and has continued to be The Trust Fall. Basically i'll be dancing (with Lauren if I'm lucky) and I'll start falling backwards while reaching my hand out toward her to save me. Usually she does. Sometimes she doesn't and I fall on my butt. This, they say, is a life.
Q: What's your favorite place you've ever moved to (and lived)? What sort of dance was popular there?
Haha. Well, I’ve only relocated once so far (from a beach city to the capital for college), and the dances were mostly the same there. That was the time of partying and college balls, and I think it was Hotline Bling that was the most popular. Brings back beautiful memories, this question.
Well, moving to a news city was a weird experience. Lots of new sounds, new people, new views, things are done differently in the capital than in my hometown. Everything’s bigger and louder and brighter. And I had to navigate it all, being completely on my own for the first time, but thankfully I met a few great people in the same situation as me and we toughed it out, and we had a lot of fun. Most of these people I’m still chums with, some I even talk to regularly. We went to big parties, we studied into the early morning, we drank cheap wine in someone’s home, we puked to shitty Balkan music, and all around had a great time. It was a time of discovery.
What is bringing YOU delight rn my dear Watson?
dang Madeline goin RIGHT for it what did she just get MARIeD or something!? Um...what brings me delight? I've been reading a lot of Philip Roth and that dude is funny as fuck. I know he's controversial, but I first read this essay about him and the idea of controversial writers that sorta blew my mind - https://yalereview.org/article/garth-greenwell-philip-roth, like basically that characters shouldn't have to live up to any moral standard in fiction, like that's sort of the point of the fiction anyways, it felt like it gave me some permission to read his stuff and it is demented weird but also captures the pathos of being a kid in a jewish family very well, at least portnoy's complaint does which is the one I'm reading.
Its funny how I'm scared to even write this, like omg am I gonna get cancelled bc I am reading philip roth, by my dear friend madeline no less? So yea nvm this is not delight not at all....
I have been very delight listening to Girl Talk, who I used to obsessed with. Mashup king. Its just relentless stuff, his music.
Oh and its been raining here and we go on lots of rain walks with Wilder and he loooooves putting his rain boots in the little river of moving water on the side of the street and screaming "whoa!" and "Big one!" and that melts me down to pure love so that is good and delight
Q: What brings you delight and also how tf was the wdding
dear alex,
i love YAMA-MAYA.
a question: have you considered adding an "A" to the beginning so it's a palindrome?
A YAMA-MAYA.
the A could stand for "Alex's" or just be the word "A."
love
myq
A: Myq, I did not think of that palindromic genius but I am glad to know it now. Heretoforth, this event will be called A YAMA-MAYA (the palindrome).
Q: Does your brain naturally just do all this stuff with words and letters? Or do you have to kinda go, "hmm what sorta word play could I get into here?
Q: I Sort of hate that question, so I'm gonna ask another. How are things? How's the new album release going? I haven't listened yet but lord knows I will soon. Lord knows.
A1: my brain DOES do all this stuff with words and letters pretty naturally. in fact, it does way MORE than i end up sharing (you're welcome)! sometimes i WILL set out to do it for fun if my wordplay spidey sense is tingling (big fan of spiderman and anagrams... PS I'm a nerd <-- anagram of spiderman), so i guess it's (like so many things) a combination of nature and nurture. or put another way, when YOU write or create or say something funny, does your brain do it naturally or do you have to go "hmm what sorta fun could i get into here?"
A2: things are busy and good. i just found out from my landlord that my girlfriend and i have to move in two months, and so that's scary/exciting. i just read a quote by GK Chesterton that seems apt: “An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.” so, an adventure! and thanks for asking about the album! it's going well! marc maron mentioned it at the top of his podcast and that was very cool, yesterday i recorded a podcast with mike pesca who i think is really great as well, and i've been getting to spread the word about it far and wide as possible! i think the jokes on it are really fun so i hope you and everyone who wants to gets to listen whenever possible! (also, all the jokes are basically clean so even your BABY could listen! there's even a singalong song on one of the tracks!)
thanks for asking friend! lord knows indeed! love!
lots to love here i'll tell you what.
A: I guess its both. My brain naturally perks up and then I do some work on it and then that makes it easier for it to perk up next time, etc.
Q: Are you a crossword guy? The wednesday nyt this past week was anagram heavy.
Q: dude that's sick about maron. Is there a Maron bump? did the numbers fly off the charts/??
S(statement): sorryu about the moving thing, but hey its a lot better than if your landlord had said JUST you or your girlfriend hAd to move. that woulda stunk.
P(promise): I owe you a response. In our letters. I have not, nor will I forget (how do you write this sentence bc it should be I have not forgotten nor will i forget, but how do you do both at once is it forgetten? lmk
thank you friend! lots to love HERE as well! i receive and appreciate and reciprocate!
a quote i just read today and really like from Om Swami:
“When we cling to a thought or follow its track, we are performing a mental karma, and that, in turn, is the seed of all physical actions.”
with respect to the brain perking up and then doing some work on it (the ol' perk 'n' work!), that resonates with me and with this quote i think. solidifying the muscle of creativity, sounds like!
A: i am a crossword tourist. i love doing crosswords and i don't do them every day. i particularly enjoy the cryptic crossword variety. ever do those? PS do you know zach sherwin's wonderful show that is called THE CROSSWORD SHOW? i recommend it the most highly to everyone everywhere especially in LA where they happen the most.
A: it IS sick about maron. thank you! i'm happy to report that my answer to this question is "i don't know!" ... i haven't been looking at the numbers at all, but i will tell you that a large single-digit number of friends told me they hear it on maron, so it's working!
S: thank you for your statement and your promise!
A (to your P): i think you could say "i have not forgotten, nor will i." or you could do whatever you want. or forget it. or fugeddaboutit. (you rarely hear THAT in the past tense. what happened? i fuGODdaboutit.)
love!
Alex,
1. On a scale of 1-100, how happy do you think you are compared to the average American? How lonely? How angry? How pleased with yourself?
2. What are the three top words or phrases you would use to self-identify?
3. What is the very very very best go-to snack food?
ok wow Anne these are some real brain bust em ups right here. The scale of 1-100 COMPARED to the average American? So does 50 mean I am as happy as the Average American? I am going to go with that because I can't think of any other way this could work cuz i'm dumb.
1. I mean, this is tough! Because I am fortunate that I have all my basic needs met and don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from, and i think people living like that are stressed as fuck all the time, which makes it hard to be happy, I think? Idk, i don't wanna speak for anyone. I think I tend to run sad though, like I'm probably sad 70-80% of the time, and the rest is happy but I think that's pretty normal? Like people who are happy all the time scare me! I do feel fortunate as fuck though, I have the best stuff a wife a kid our families are healthy. And yet, the sadboi reigns supreme. So maybe I'd say I'm 50 outta 100. Cuz honestly the more I think about this question the less I understand myself or it.
Lonely, I'm way less lonely than most. I've got all the things. the wife and kid and lots of friends who love me and answer the phone if I call. My parents are still here and young and Lauren's too so that's awesome. I do definitely find that I'm more lonely for hanging with friends the older I get though. So I'd say as far as adults go, I'm like 10% least lonely, but if you include kids who are on the whole not lonely, then I'd be more like 30-40% least lonely. I wanna just be hanging with people more but I know thats also entirely on me so......
Angry! This one is a no brainer I'm high up like top 5%? Everything makes me angry. Comedy is often the release. I've learned how to manage my anger a lot better though and try to not ever take it out on other people. That's been a journey and a half.
Pleased with myself? Hm. Couple ways to answer this. One is that I'm more pleased w myself than I was a year ago. We're trending up. But still, I'd say I'm very not pleased w myself. I sorta hate myself, though lately I've been wondering how much of that is true and how much of it is a way of hiding from the real feelings underneath. Like it's easy to sorta go around saying 'I suck blah blah,' but like, even if true, is that useful? But I'd say I'm more pleased w myself than 20% of people? I just have a very high bar for myself that, whaddya know, keeps going up and up as soon as I reach it. I think its broken and I have called the manufacturer asking for a replacement.
Wooof!
2. This is hard! I actually recently did this exercise a coach recommended where I asked all my best friends what they thought my best qualities were. It was to help me hate myself less. I just read back through it and did a little cry cuz its so nice. The things they all said were like curious, sensitive and caring about everyone, and funny. Some of them said smart, too. And honest.
So I guess I'd describe myself as first and foremost oblivious as to who I really am lol. Cuz I don't think I'd be able to say much of that. It all feels too braggy, too good like I don't deserve kind words. I would say I like goofing around with friends. Making people laugh. Finding what's funny as a way to find what's true.
Absurd + honest has been the core of Both Are True, and I think its a big part of me.
Mostly I'm just a lil guy!
3. Ok this changes by the day but today its a trail mix that I MADE BY MYSELF. Here's what it's got: almonds, walnuts, goji berries (superfood, so I am super), 70% dark chocolate, sunflower seeds. It's so good and solves the problem I have with most trail mixes which is that they're just fronts for sugar to enter your body while making you think they're healthy.
OK damn I just wrote a lot. My turn.
Q: Where do you fall on the happy, lonely, angry, pleased w self scales?
Q: What's something most Cafe Anne readers don't know about you / would be surprised to learn about you?
Q: do u have any big time or small time regrets?
Q: What's a giant thing in life that you thought you'd never solve or understand but then you did?
(I know this is a lot so feel free to answer as few as you would like)
Woo! I loved every word of this, Alex. But especially where you wrote, "Mostly I'm just a lil guy!" Because when I wrote question #2, I thought, "I bet Alex says he refers to himself as 'Just a little guy'" as that's how I think about you thinking about yourself!
Your trail mix sounds good but I'd take out all the nuts and berries and seeds, and leave just the chocolate, but replace the 70% dark chocolate with milk chocolate.
Thank you for your questions in return—I will answer soon!
Hahahahah. The chocolate is the only part wilder eats !
Okay, sorry for the delay!
-Happy: 80%
-Lonely: 30%
-Angry: 10%
-Pleased: 80%
(But I have for sure spent a lot of time, in previous decades, on the less ends desirable of these scales.)
-A lot of people don't know I was raised a Jehovah's Witness!
-No regrets for real. I am always thinking about the future. Maybe too much!
-I love this last question. One giant thing in life I thought I'd never solve or understand but then I did, is who "I" "really" "am." Haha!
omg this is amazing and I'm just seeing it. Wait so...who ARE you really??
and what's your 5 step process to getting to those h/l/a/p numbers? I'm fine if it takes multiple decades
On a three point scale of difficulty, Anne has asked a 3-2-1 for her questions 1-2-3
(1) What is ONE place you have never been that you would like to see and why specifically are you interested?
(2) What is ONE place you have been that you would NEVER like to see again and why, specifically are you not interested?
A1: Japan! It seems fuckin amazing and culturally so different from anything I've ever experienced. Also Iceland, for the same reasons.
A2: Hmmm...let's go a little metophorical and say the place where I needed to be high all the time. Did not like that, do not want to go back.
Q: What's the one place you'd prefer to spend the rest of your days on this earth and why?
A1 : My oldest son's life changed in Japan as that is where he met his wife. Great choice. Iceland sounds so DIFFERENT than everywhere else. Read a Michael Lewis book and he described the people of Iceland as one-of-a-kind -- can't remember the title.
A2: so Colorado -- I was there shortly after legalization. Saw a dude riding a power skateboard with a blunt while walking a little dog -- nice
Q: Best advice I ever heard for retirement -- just wanna keep what I have -- family flourishing don't care where
do you MAYA-heee, MAYA-hooo, MAYA-haaa or MAYA-haha?
a: all of the above
q: if u had to sum up the last 10 years of british politics using three song titles, what would they be
a: trouble by cold play, confusion by new order and I predict a riot by Kaiser chiefs.
q: If you were tasked with writing a new American National anthem, which fast-food jingle would you use as the main melody and why?
Fantastic question. The answer is of course the pizza bagel jingle. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQBan9MOy60.
That sound has forever and will forever be stuck in my head.
And it represents America because its about innovation. the entreprenurial spirit to say 'hey what if we combined pizza and bagels'
and then someone else was like 'what would we call it and someone else said 'pizza bagels'
Then the words themselves - the "fuck you we do what we want"edness of it all . We will eat pizza whenever we want. In the morning, in the evening, at supper time.
when pizza is on a bagel , you can eat pizza anytime
when you're an american, you can do whatever the fuck you want
wow that ended up working out a lot better than i expected lol
And ...Or... Do you have a dog and does that dog destroy your carpets and somehow does this destruction make you feel like you are failing at adulting?
a: we do have a dog his name is Robert. He's officially a senior dog now (8 years old). he doesn't destroy carpets, but he can be annoying as hell. He whines alot when he wants food (because we used to give him scraps from our plates and by used to I mean we still do)
He also has a strong dislike of anyone having fun. so if wilder is running around, he barks. if i pick up wilder or wilder picks me up, he barks. a lot of loud noises which are hard for my lil ears when combined with the whole baby thing.
it doesn't ever make me feel like im failing as an adult tho, cuz i dont think i much think about that being a goal of mine. Or like, I've decided adults are stupid and so I don't much strive to be one? I do always feel like i'm failing as an artist though, and just failing to keep all my shit together in general. Fun!
q: ok, so i was rummaging around ur substack and found this quote - “Close your eyes and open the window of your heart. Only when you have no more need for acceptance will everything you do be accepted.”- Rumi
I needed that this morning. But ok here's my question. how do you do that? Or at least get better at it?
Wilder picks you up? Love that! Also love Wilder’s name. Thank you for spending time in my Substack. It means much that thoughtful people like you, who are trying to make the world a little more beautiful, read it. As for Rumi, I think these are the questions I’ll be living my whole life. I spent a lot of time thinking about “The Guest House” yesterday morning as I was being visited by my less than fav folks (feelings)... unexplained feelings of dread ...
I think you are off to a good start by starting with what you value- so you are not trying to seek something you don’t actually value or want. I can remind myself that if my writing is meaning something to thoughtful people - that is more important than how many subscribers I have, than how many people like it. And even more so, that it means something to me, that I am growing through the act of creating...And then the guests arrive again and I spiral and fall on my face. The only way up and out of this is to do the things that bring me back to myself and what I value. Being honest with myself and others also seems to help.
exactly. the only thing i've ever found that reliably works is talking about it. I heard recently that whether you like your therapist is the biggest predictor of whether it actually works. That sorta says it all.
also holy balls that's hilarious i do not remember writing 'wilder picks me up' hahahaha he certainly does not but i guess that's a...freudian slip?
Love this conversation innovation, Alex! One day, Silicon Valley will catch on to what you're doing, and sure they'll probably steal YAMA-MAYA without paying you, and they'll probably turn it into a shitty app that makes a gazillion dollars, and no, you won't see a dime, or even get very far in your litigation, but YAMA-MAYA will change the world, and that will be a beautiful thing.
OK, here's my question. Think about your legacy after you're gone. (This is a long time from now, BTW). You have biographer. Imagine a very serious person who went to Harvard and got all the degrees. The one publishing house that's still around offers them a big-ass advance to write anything they want. They're like, "I only came to this meeting to do two things: drink Fiji water and tell you that I'm writing about Alex Dobrenko." The publishing house backs up a literal money truck. It's huge. Your biographer signs the contract and drives away with the money truck. After they put away a lot of money for their kid's education and their retirement, and maybe buy some nice stuff, and splurge on a cool vacation, they get to work. They rent an office. They hire researchers because there's a lot of Dobrenko material to sort through. The really go to town. They get everything you ever wrote or made, but they also get everything ever written or said about all the stuff you wrote or made. They have a goldmine. Everyone will want to read this biography of you.
But what's the gist of this amazing story? In other words, what's the one thing you want to be remembered for?
Damn dude this question makes my stomach hurt. I think that means I need some time to think about it before I answer, BUT I do not want that to be an excuse. What if we set a deadline or May 25? By then, I will have an answer for you, deal?
Q: You run into God and after all the 'omg its real' babble, God tells you that he needs to put ONE IDEA into the head of every newborn from now till forever. And God wants you to come up with it. What do you pick?
My Q: Have you ever been to Canada and would you consider it? Not creepy, just curious. If yes (Q extension) what part. I have so many questions!
p.s. I work in books so if you have Q about them, I might actually have A. No pressure.
Hello from Canada RIGHT NOW
Ha ha! And RIGHT NOW
Hello from NJ who was once in Canada!
A:Yes I've been! I went to Montreal in Middle school for a school trip. It was a huge deal cuz it was our first time all together away from school and PUBERTY was running rampant. All I know tho is my friend Hank couldn't find a bathroom and ended up pooping his pants. Classic Montreal stuff.
I've also been to whatever the Canada part of Lake Superior is. where my other friend's family had a cabin. That was in high school. We had to walk like 3 miles to get to the cabin. No running water or electricity, it was heaven. Also I think it was one ofthe first times we got drunk cuz we'd sneak brewskies from the beer cooler thing that one of the adults set up in a river. We also cooked fish on a rock. Or a piece of wood. Classic Canada stuff. I have photos from that time, including one where I'm holding a bunch of potatoes wrapped in tin foil, smiling like a moron. Oh and another of me chopping wood.
I wanna go to Toronto tho. And Vancouver? What parts of Canada are coolest?
Q : What in the heck does 'work in books' mean? Are you a trader? a maker? A printer? details and then I can ask some queestions perhance
It's like you had a Canadian childhood in a condensed time frame! Lots of walking and potatoes. Fish, rocks, beer, wood, your friend not knowing where the bathrooms are....love it!
A: Vancouver is the coolest. If you do come here, look me up and I will buy you *and Lauren / your son if they are with you* a potato (snort).
JK, a beer or even a Pepsi. Toronto can be cool, or actually is freezing if you go in winter. The Nation's Capital (guess) is interesting and small, filled with govt workers. Nunavut (a territory created in 1999 to belong to Canada's Inuit) is vast and extremely cool. Bring lots of $$ as all goods must be flown in at great cost. Quebec City very cool. It helps if you speak French there, but not mandatory.
A: I am a book editor. Sinister, yes
hell yes will def holler in vancouver for potatoes.
ok wait book editor tell me more what does that mean and, most importantly, how do I get a book published? I know its super easy and all you have to do is ask someone in a substack comment and it basically just happens from there right???
Yes! It just happens from there.
That is if you have:
a) figured out what it's about and who might want to read it
b) written the book--or if it's nonfiction, written the book PROPOSAL, much easier but still not super-easy, and
c) made either the book or the proposal of publishable quality, this can take some skill and/or help, but on the plus side you're a writer, so you already have skill, and
d) formed a plan about who might publish it, and here is where connections are 100% valuable, and
e) researched agents, depending on who d) is (maybe you already have an agent, but it should be a literary agent), and
f) crafted a good pitch, (if it's NF this will be the proposal plus a letter etc.; if it's fiction this will be a "query letter"), and
g) hit the zeitgeist where publishers think it lives, and
h) have a bunch of people who might buy the book, that you can quantify for publishers, and be into marketing, which all writers have to do unless they're super famous, and
i) send it to acquisitions editors (your agent does this part), and
j) wait for an offer, and
k) sign a contract with the publisher, and
l) wait 18-24 months for the book to work its way through the publishing system, also involving some heavy lifting on your part with being there to do revisions, accept copyedits (this can take a while), review proofs, get "blurbs" saying the book is awesome, do PR, make friends with booksellers, get on TV, etc.
m) get behind the book big time for its launch, which is a short period...after 3-4 months publishers will have their new list out and won't be pushing your book
That's sort of the simple version but I think it hits all the high points. Independent book editors work in the arena of b) & c). Acquisitions editors (a special type of book editor who work for publishers) work in the arena of i) to l or m)
I love this.
Softball but I’m genuinely curious: who is your favorite comedian?
oh my dear friend this is no softball. I could write pages on this and I in fact will. In other words, I'll return with a full answer soon
many are saying I forgot about this. That's false. I am, in fact, working on a full post to answer it lol.
many still think I forgot about this. not true
What is your favorite band and why do you love them?
What is the one book from your childhood that you love that you most hope your son will love as well?
A: Woof, that's hard!! And I feel like it changes so so so often. Right now, I'd say Florence & The Machine is definitely up there at the top for me. Her voice + what she's singing about just connect in this deep place in my heart. I can't really explain it, I just know it to be true. A lot of the other stuff I'm digging is more ambient / instrumental like Olafur Arnalds. Also, John Prine - he's a poet.
A: another tough question! It really depends on age, but weirdly the first book I thought of was "The unbearable lightness of being" hahaha - it's def not a YA book, but it was the first book that really blew my mind wide open, and I feel like I was still a kid when I read it, even if I wasn't.
Also, I hope my son will love Oh the places you will go by Doc Seuss as much as I do (I've only begun loving it since reading it to him though)
OH AND Where the Wild Things Are - That book feels like its infinity deep somehow, and I need to figure out what's happening with Wilder together (it is his namesake, after all)
Q: What are the top 6 books you've read (ever, recently, whatever)?
Q: Besides the barenaked ladies, whose your fav band rn?
Okay.
Books: Little Women. I can reread that thing anytime.
A Little Life
Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow (reading now)
The Outlander series yes I'm cheating and putting a whole series but James Alexander
Malcolm McKenzie Fraser is my man
Harold and the Purple Crayon
Bands: As if I could pick one favorite. Head & the Heart, Avett Brothers, Billy Strings, Lumineers, Guster, OKGo, Arcade Fire, Manchester Orchestra, AJR.
Oh man, I need some time for those. Please hold.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could obliterate every living being in a five mile radius?
None. It would be so sad from all that obliterating that it'd have no energy to chuck any wood.
Q: What's the best time of the day (plz be precise w hours and minutes)
Blue hour, which these days is about 7:30 to 8pm. Filmmakers are supposed to love golden hour but blue hour is when the light in the sky is about the same luminance as the LED streetlights and automobile headlights that are turning on so literally every surface has high clarity and depth and it's like the rest of the day was just some simulation of a day but suddenly the day is cast in full relief and the world is incontrovertibly tangible.
Also I've been vibing on the "11:11, make a wish!" meme lately.
Do you wear shoes indoors at home?
What is your favorite childhood memory?
Wow for some reason this question feels like something my literal actual dad would ask! hmmmm....
I don't have a single favorite but one thing I always loved was watching Seinfeld and SNL with you and mom and laughing and hearing you guys laugh that was my favorite sound in the world and in many ways it still is.
Another one is when we'd go to Finagle A Bagel and they'd throw bagels on that conveyer belt toward the spinning wheel of death that would slice the bagel into two halves.
In Ukraine I remember very little, but i do remember always getting little splinters stuck in my toes and fingers and you guys having to get them out
I will try to think of some more too
oh wait I forgot to ask you one
Q: What's your favorite childhood memory?
Q: what's a part of Sasha that you don't think the both are true readers know about?
What has been your most memorable meal in the past yr?
honestly it was probably last night - Lauren made bacon grits with shrimp and a poached egg on top and it was really good. Before we sit down to eat anything she made she goes "I dunnoo, this is prob gonna suck." which she did say before this meal, but then after a few bites she was like 'oh this is fucking amazing.'
That part I feel like she almost never does, so it was defihitely a Big Deal
Q: What's your go-to meal / food to cook?
Ooo that sounds yummy! Does she have a recipe??
My go-to recipe is lemony chicken meatballs w orzo, simple and so delicious
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/11222-grits-and-shrimp?smid=ck-recipe-iOS-share
Is there a recipe for the chicken meatballs with orzo? Sounds delicious!
Yes ma'am there is :) Enjoy
https://www.halfbakedharvest.com/one-skillet-greek-meatballs-and-lemon-butter-orzo/
I will tell her to respond to this comment cuz I do not know the recipe!
Are you watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey? And if so, do you agree Luis seems kind of okay. And if yes, are you worried that he's actually as terrible as the interwebs are saying he is and we're just being manipulated? If the answer to the first question was "no", then...how do you take your coffee? *shrug*
I'm not watching, but I can absolutely say with certainly that Luis is actually kind of okay. The media has decided to make him their punching bag for the week but he doesn't deserve it. He's Luis, he's got a good heart, and sure maaAybe some of the stuff the internet said he's done, he did in fact do, but who among us is perfect? He who throws the first stone better know Luis will catch that stone and kick your ass. I just hope Luis makes it out of all this alive. He's a good man.
Ok. Coffee? Black! I do espresso now with a lil espresso machine at home and those get me LIT. I had one before doing this AMA in fact.
Q: what the hell is Vanderpump Rules? I keep seeing it all over the media and I am genuinely clueless. I thought it was CW show about teenagers but it seems very much not to be. In genertal what are your thoughts on reality tv? will it ever stop? Can it ever stop? Do we want it to?
Q: how do you coffee?
A: Vanderpump Rules is a reality show that I, surprisingly, don't watch - never got into it. But I do know that it follows the servers who work at either one or both of Lisa Vanderpump's restaurants in LA. Lisa Vanderpump was one of the original housewives on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I stopped watching that one after just a few seasons but because I always have my finger on the pulse of shameful reality TV, I do know that she left the show amidst some drama where she and her longtime friend, Kyle Richards (aunt of Paris Hilton), had a falling out but I don't know what about. People seem to love the spin-off though. It just never really piqued my interest.
Ab: I like the concept of reality TV but I hate what it's become. But I also can't seem to stop watching some of it. I'm so bored with the constant fighting, the plastic surgery, the acting different because it'll be a good storyline. My favorites are ones like Project Runway when the designers are all getting along and helping each other. I love watching their creative process and their skill/talent in making clothes. I liked the original housewives of Orange County when they didn't really know what was going on and we were just watching what their daily lives were like. I liked Lizzo's Watch Out for the Big Girls because everyone was so supportive of each other (except one person but thankfully she was booted out by Lizzo pretty early on for that exact reason).
A2: I take my coffee black too and THAT WAS A TRICK QUESTION TO SEE IF YOU WERE KEWL LIKE ME! Seriously...I feel inappropriately superior for loving black coffee. I can't explain why but when a server asks me if I want cream or sugar I like to look shocked and say "WHATTT? NO!!!" Between that and the reality show watching I'm not really selling myself as a good person but if I'm being honest, this is who I am.
What’s your favourite dance move?
A: In college I was known for a dance move that I will now call the manic shuffle, whereby I would shuffle from side to side but taking giant leaps from one side to the other. A couple times I even was bold enough to do it in the middle of one of those dance circles.
As I got older though, my move became and has continued to be The Trust Fall. Basically i'll be dancing (with Lauren if I'm lucky) and I'll start falling backwards while reaching my hand out toward her to save me. Usually she does. Sometimes she doesn't and I fall on my butt. This, they say, is a life.
Q: What's your favorite place you've ever moved to (and lived)? What sort of dance was popular there?
Haha. Well, I’ve only relocated once so far (from a beach city to the capital for college), and the dances were mostly the same there. That was the time of partying and college balls, and I think it was Hotline Bling that was the most popular. Brings back beautiful memories, this question.
whoa amazing. Romania right? What are some of those memories if you would be so kind as to share
Well, moving to a news city was a weird experience. Lots of new sounds, new people, new views, things are done differently in the capital than in my hometown. Everything’s bigger and louder and brighter. And I had to navigate it all, being completely on my own for the first time, but thankfully I met a few great people in the same situation as me and we toughed it out, and we had a lot of fun. Most of these people I’m still chums with, some I even talk to regularly. We went to big parties, we studied into the early morning, we drank cheap wine in someone’s home, we puked to shitty Balkan music, and all around had a great time. It was a time of discovery.
Limbo. To watch. Totally unable to perform it now.....
hi Jane I love that. the limbo thing.
here's a question for you: what's something about life that gets easier as you get older?
One more question from odessa: what is the difference between virgin olive oil and extra virgin olive oil?!
A: Extra.
Q: Why aren't you answering my other question that's a violation