Why, WHY!! are dunkin omelet bites so gooooooood?! Also, why are horses so cool that I have to point out the same ones to my kids every single we pass them on the road? Seriously they’re still fascinating to me and I am old af
ive never eaten a dunkin bite thats how sad it is living in LA they dont have dunkies just starbucks and the sou vide bites or whatever the fuck
but i bet they're good cuz dunkies knows what dunkie is doing
horses are relics of a past that we can no longer understand, yet they exist now as ever, unawares of all the human dumb shit we do, thus reminding us that there is a way out of this hell, if we want it. also they're strong as hell just all muscle and just beautiful idk they're cool and seem like they'd be fun to have beers with
Alex, we do have Dunkin! Not as many as New England, where every Dunkin has its own Dunkin, but they’re around. Now I need to investigate these omelet bites.
How old were you before you realized the relationship between crazy hair and creativity? All your selfies show amazingly unrestrained personality in your hair. When you comb and subdue and style it does your brain just totally shut down?
hahaha this is the best question...ever. I've only had longer hair for the last ten or so years. Before that it was short and or buzzed. In fact I recently told Lauren I want to shave it all and she told me it would not look like it used to because my hair has 'receded' since I was 18 (her words, not mine) I haven't spoken to her since.
I think it happened gradually though as I started playing more...goofy comedic characters? Who were like sort of stoner-y / weird / idiots and I think the hair is a good addition to that?
Honestly the only thing I ever think about my hair is that I'm afraid I am losing it and am not ready for that.
When it gets combed normal I hate it though and rebel so not a shut down but sort of worse.
I've always felt like my hair looks like it's pasted on, no matter what I do. I have zero talent for styling it--if it looks OK combing and brushing at least I don't worry about it. If my hair requires too much thought or I invest unusual time in it, I feel extra awkward and creativity is just squished like a fat and juicy cockroach: there goes my creativity--gooey splatters all over the walls and floor and on the bottom of my friends' shoes, metaphorically. All in all, it's a kind of friend-honesty meter. If people just go with my goofy hair and we have fun, it's genuine. So that's really cool.
I love your self-motivated and self-expressing hair.
Ok, it's 2:58 am. You're drunk or stoned or just high on life and you're eating Taco Bell. Paid programming cues up Time Life Collection of 80s & 90s Soft Rock Romance just for you. As you become overwhelmed with a combo of nostalgia and nausea, which banger makes you put down your Gordita Supreme and smash the volume button? (PS Community answers welcome)
i fuckin love this question. ok here's a quick list
Iris by the goo goo dolls -- I'd get up and scream 'and I'd give up forever to touch you, 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow" because its the best song and also cuz its from City of Angels which itself is a remake of one of my top 5 movies ever Wings of Desire (forever props to Jack Mayer for telling me to watch this and maybe watching it with me -- everyone go read jack's writing here https://jacklawrencemayer.substack.com/)
also anything Guns N' Roses and Aerosmith especially 'dont wnana miss a thing'
and John Prine
total eclipse of the fuckin heart this song is insane should not be legal
YESS. Dude, City of Angels and it's soundtrack are HIGHLY UNDERRATED. And also now I WILL watch Wings of Desire. And also now I'm humming Aerosmith and I want animal crackers.
Ok so if I'm putting down my Gordita Supreme to get back into my car and cry about my ex-boyfriend, it's "Drive" by the Cars.
But if I have an appointment with a yacht the next morning, it's gotta be "Steal Away" by Robbie Dupree.
But if someone needs me to light a jukebox on fire, it's definitely "Freedom '90" by George Michael and I'm screaming SOMETIMES THE CLOTHES DO NOT MAKE THE MAAAAANN.
How do you develop your own comedic voice when you have multiple voices in your head competing with one another at any given moment? I’m kidding! NO YOU’RE NOT! I would actually like to know...YOU’RE JUST DOING THIS TO BE FUNNY, TO STAND OUT IN THE COMMENT SECTION. No actually, I’m very curious as to your process. CURIOUS!? YOU JUST WANT TO SAP HIS CREATIVE JUICES LIKE HE’S A MAPLE TREE AND YOU’RE IN A 3RD GRADE SCIENCE CLASS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE. No but seriously, who are some of your influences, and how do you strike a balance between being influenced and paving your own course?
lol it sounds like ur already doing it my dear Samuel Clemenstein.
what if I told you - and I really shouldn't be saying this, so please keep it between us - that your own comedic voice IS the multiple voices competing with one another?
plz prepare to ring the both are true bell
ur question assumes there is The One True Comedic Voice within you and then there are The Chatter Fucks who won't shut up and are Getting in The Way but they are they way (I hate that book title the obstacle is the way and Ryan Holiday in general he's too slick and I'm allowed to think that without explaining myself god damn it)
But all of that was sort of a non answer, since it sounds like you already know about and are in touch with these voices, so the question becomes -- what now?
1. ask why -- why do you think there's a part of you that wants you to believe that you're just doing this to stand out in the comment section (this is an lol btw, cuz everyone feels this all the time)
2. let em do their thing. make em characters in a docudrama or soap opera (can u imagine a bar of dove just belting out ava maria aka dovei maria)
Wow I havent even gotten to the influences part!
ok heres a smattering:
Andy kaufman
seinfeld even tho i dont want to be influenced by him anymore
larry d
i think you should leave
tim and eric
the daniels (like a band you love before they were famous I was into them way back when and I want to feel cool for this)
vonnegut
sedaris (similar to seinfeld tho)
laurie moore laurie moore laurie moore laurie moore laurie moore laurie moore laurie moore laurie moorelaurie moore laurie moore laurie moore laurie moorelaurie moore laurie moore laurie moore laurie moore
linklater
wings of desire
dumb and dumber
sandler in general
snl
monty python
lots of podcasts but never really comedy podcasts
oh and foreign movies like
the square
triangle of sadness
force majuere
a pigeon sits on a branch contemplating existence
all of yorgos lanthemos stuff too
the lobster
the deer hunting one
his first is his best - dogtooth that shit is wild
oh and david lynch that guy is a wackadoo i love him
I dont think there's any course to pave but your own, like even if you tried to copy someone word for word you'd end up doing your own thing. that said, my specific problem is I'll get in moods where everything I write is compared to a certain author I'm jealous of at the time, like i'm reading Laurie Stone's book rn and I just keep thinking 'ah she'd read this piece i'm writing and hate it and tell me to go die' but then I remember that even if that happened I wouldn't die I would just become her mortal enemy but i really hope she likes me
usually when I am worried about striking a balance like that or anything I remind myself that the worry is a story and that, like this too, it shall pass.
Jeez you're a legend (note: one of the best feelings in the world is being called a legend by a British bloke. I am not one, but I wanted to allow you to imagine what it would feel like: bloody unreal) for this response and for the time and effort you give to all subscribers. Much appreciated.
My influences (not an exhaustive list) are as follows:
My dad
My brothers
Charles Schulz
Larry D
Monty Python
Tintin
Asterix
Bill Bryson
Augusten Burroughs
Ray Bradbury
Memes where people say horrible things as penguins on club penguin
Jake and Amir
Rey Mysterio
Tony Bourdain
Tuesdays w Stories (Joe List, Mark Normand)
Wes Anderson
SNL
Anything and everything that happened at Jewish sleep away camp
problematic but still can't help but being influenced by them section:
Louis ck- especially his tv shows Louie and Horace & Pete
oh maaaan this is a great question and one I will gladly answer with a little help from my parents who love telling me about russian idioms (i feel like they know more of those than ukrainian ones) So I will get back to you soon.
TILL THEN wait I love ur substack it rules!
what are some of ur fav dishes that you havent writen about yet? Do you ever make beetoks or katletkes ?? those were my favs lol
Oh man there are so many! Just made baby-approved zucchini pancakes (deruny z kabachkiv) this week.
Some of the top ones I’d like to write about are more what I think of as Surzhyk dishes: Forshmak (a herring and apple salad traditional in Odessa), Okroshka (a Russian effervescent yogurt soup eaten in the eastern half of Ukraine) and Cholent (known mostly as a Jewish stew, but also popular in the Zakarpatian region near the Hungarian border).
Frankly, I’ve been too fraught to write about the mixed culinary history over the last year plus, but maybe I’m just “waiting for the weather from the sea.”
What I'd love to say: This blows and is completely unreasonable, and no one could ever survive with these piss-poor meager, barely even, not even earnings. I've been working at acting since you were a fetus, what are you 12? I am TRAINED! I was a freaking extra in 2.4 made for TV infomercials for chrissake. Take this job and stick it right up your ear.
Answer I'd give: Oh sure, that sounds great! I mean, I'll get exposure to people who are actually working as actors, and I might even bump into them while anxiously filling my empty, poor person pockets with free snacks. And imdb credits?! What a beneperk, can't wait to tell all my friends! Qualified? Er... well, I've got more than 20 months of experience taking guff and I once served coffee to a guy who was an atmosphere extra for a hit teen tv show that didn't get past the pilot. Soo.... I don't have acting experience per se, but I've watched a bunch of films by people who do! Heh heh heh... when can I start?
hey katie thanks so much for reaching back! loved your response and your energy and we will not be moving forward with an unpaid position for you at this time.
Please do stand by though and DO NOT TAKE other work as this might change any day (it wont) but it could (it cant). SO EXCITED to collab!
Just wanted to say hi. Asking questions without a theme/structure is too much pressure. Low-key curious what an ideal Saturday afternoon looks like for you though. Needing some inspiration for the weekend ahead.
What's up William!! Sorry about the pressure but don't worry, this isn't a tire (I used this joke in a differennt comment, still trying to see how its working)
But let me just say you are HEARD and next month will have a theme promise.
maaaaan an ideal saturday lol i am so bad at this stuff because I enjoy pain and do not allow myself much pleasure but lemme try... So the afternoon would hafta balance 50/50 with time for myself and time with the fam -- first half would be for myself and I'd spend it at a coffee shop writing but like not for any deadline but just for myself, clankin the keys cuz I enjoyed doing so. A friend would be there too, working alongside me and we'd mostly just hang and chat outside.
Then I'd walk to the nearby library and bumble around looking at books and bring like 15 to a desk and never open any of them but just keep writing
I'd end up probably lost on the internet for a while and forget why I came (which was to relax) and then get stressed and try to DO SOMETHING with my time to justify being alive
Also in this ideal day that I am gonna say has infinite time, I also go see a movie by myself during the daytime and then go to the notebook / fountain pen store and buy one new one of each
THEN I go hang with Lauren and Wilder for the second half of the afternoon we go to the park and goof around and walk and get lost in Wilder's world of reality which, right now, mostly involves him asking what everything is and being the cutest fuckin guy in the world. We'd come home and Lauren might wanna make dinner so I'd take Wilder to the store or go read some boosk with him for a while.
more than anything I did though I think the ideal saturday would involve a certain feeling of contentedness and peace w things , like ok I do not need to work very hard today in order to justify my existence, I am already worthy no matter what I do today because one's worth is not defined by what they can accomplish (I have a hard time believing this can you tell)
Oh also I'd go to the gym and, after just one workout, become ripped and everyone would go whoa how'd he do that and I'd say 'simple - it was my ideal day'
Q: What are some good easy topics you think you'd wanna talk about for future YAMAs
2. I believe mr. clemenstein is a writer on substack as well and thus the name is for more than simply comments but for an entire lifestyle persona but he will be better equipped to answer than i
i love the 'ok' that starts this. The movie is 'you hurt my feelings' its incredible, very understated comedy that felt so nice to see in a theater. I wont spoil anything (not that there are huge spoilers) but I recommend going into it knowing as little as possible.
and for a documentary, Boys State is amazing - about these lil kids in texas who do a mock election of all of america, so theres president and senate and stuff and its wild seeing these lil boys become politicians.
but those are broad recs. Q: What sorta movies do you love? I Can then better recommend some I think
incredible question probably top question ever wow.
What do I wish I'd made? Steve films Alex. It woulda been a masterpiece (inside joke)
For real answer: Man....I wish I could do standup like andy kaufman. To give so few fucks and commit so hard to the bit is unparalleled also it seems like it would be really hard on your psyche.
OH I wish I could make videos like Meg Stalter and Grace kuhlenschmidt
Also: I wish I made a movie like Everything everywhere all at once. In general, the daniels' movies are an inspiration for me and their music videos too obvi turn down for what but this is my fav - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqmwKi6KOSw&t=3s
What [THING]... same list, etc... do you feel like you're constantly trying to remake?
I want to write like Vonnegut and Heather Havrilesky and Laurie Moore all wrapped in one. Often when I read any of them, the next few weeks are spent feeling like a garbage ass who can't write as well as them.
man this is a hard question that makes me realize I am not super aware of my influences which is maybe a good thing??
Welcome to Yama maya !!! There is no pressure it’s not a tire
The only saying I know is “liquor before beer ur in the clear, beer before liquor never been sicker”
I don’t drink tho and it’s not cuz I love it too much I just don’t like alcohol which is weird given how much I like other drugs tho I am sober and have been for a while which is good but also stinky bc I miss the drugs but hey that’s life am I right
Anyways! Hi and hello. What’s the origin of your last name it’s so many consonants without a vowel
Hi back at you, fellow Slav. My last name is Czech. Growing up in the US I had to spell it all the time.
Here is a good story: when I decided to go back to the roots (moved from Palo Alto to Prague), I spent a year in intensive language tutoring. One of the things I made sure to memorize was how to say the Czech letters that spell my name. When I had my first bureaucratic encounter in the homeland, I was ready to launch into the spelling thing-- but no! I was not asked “how do you spell that?”!!
Awesome. The only thing that confused people was that I didn’t have an -ova, which in those days even non-Czech female names got pasted on. Like Steffi Grafova or Margaret Thatcherova.
I bet your last name does not make the americans so crazy.
A1: you typed the words I see on my screen and, what's more, you are reading these words I have written to you right now. You are both the sender and receiver of messages. what more could you need?
A2: Sure
Q1: How are you enjoying your first month as a paidBathead?
A1R1: This confirms my existence, though may not validate.
A2R1: Thanks!
Q1R1: Enjoying it, thank you. Wondering if I should ask for something in exchange for continuing as a paid subscriber after the free trial, but that's probably not cool/extortion.
Q2R1: Not bad, thanks for asking! I'm at work, working and goofing on Substack between meetings, and on breaks. I think this is totally healthy and within the parameter of my work requirements. I've been very productive today an can get you a list of my accomplishments if that would help you feel better about me commenting on this post during work hours. Let's consider this the new smoke break and just chill out about it ok?
Q1R1.R1 - Nice. And no you should not. That's exortion and blackmail and frankly could get you in seerious water (hot).
Q2R1.rR1 - This is good to hear I was worried both for you and the economy. If you dont mind though, just to be safe not sorry, can you outline what exactly you did at work ? thx
Q2R2.R1 - How;s your wife feel about you being so shy to be a wife guy in public? Is your wife a husband guy??
Q2R2: Also, I got lunch with my wife. It was great- I'm a big wife guy, however, I'm still scared to be one in public. Big step to do something with my wife in a public setting.
“Especially big welcome to three, five, and seventeen.” Omgggggg so good. I am working on multiple books right now, none under contract, tiny embers of hope they will actually stand on their own one day. BUT so important for my sanity/health AND ALSO so important to figure out when they are fucking with my sanity/health and get some fresh air, hugs, etc. Life is hard! Writing is harder! (But won’t actually kill you? Except it *can* really drag your mind down dark roads so I have no answers and someone please pass a cracker how did we get here where am I)
Ok here is my one thought on such matters which I had yesterday when discussing with a few writers why one writes anything personal even though its painful and it is this:
the only thing more painful than writing it is not writing it.
This is a bit gouche dramatic for my liking, but nevertheless true -- I know how I feel when I keep it in (emotionally constipated etc) and how it feels when I let it out (post poopmatic relief disorder PPRD). So yea, let it out?
life is hard and writing is harder and holy shit what a gift for them both. I am in a good mood today I can tell because I am writing anything even plausipositive. I will look at this in a few days and call myself names but who cares -the me who is writing this now won't be around for that and the me in the future sounds like a jerk so whatever.
to more life air hugs write right left right write wrote wrate eight nine ten tent stars moon sun life
It’s so true. I fully advocate for everyone and anyone taking sabbaticals whenever their heart needs it. And when the heart needs to write, make like Cheryl Strayed and write like a motherfucker 🔥
honestly, pretty good! my biggest anxiety is from overwhelm of all the shit I have to / want to do. like just this morning I've come up with about 10 new ideas and projhects and essays . i'm trying to work on writing those down somewhere but not actually 'working on them' bc they distract me from whatever I decided i should be doing a week ago.
its hard.
i try to make systems that help but then i forget i made them
Welllllllll...I do. Making money is the first thing. Do the things that make money first. Because, no money, no other "shit I want to do." Second is: what's due next? My Substack is ready to go auto-send tomorrow. I have a post slate for that entire series in a notebook. Second money thing ready to send and invoice tomorrow.
I tell ya, pal, knowing you're ahead of the curve (for the most part) makes life soooooooooo much less stressful.
Great I got one that’s FRESH like it happened on Wednesday. My friend is making a movie about Muscle Beach which is this iconic outdoor gym on the ocean in Venice that’s like an LA landmark. Arnold S. Trained there lol
So my friend got access to the gym and stuff and asked me to come to come be in his movie. And my role was going to be somebody that basically overdosed at the gym. So that would entail me hulking out and screaming in rage because I had taken too much of some supplement...it wasn't steroids but something like steroids and so basically at like 7am, I basically had to just kind of have a full-on mental rage breakdown in this gym, start throwing things and screaming and trying to fight people. And then I jumped over a fence. And then we kept doing it over and over again. And it was really exhausting. I was like, dead by the end, which made me realize I definitely need to get into better shape. But also, it was just such an incredible release to just like, scream and be allowed to. On near the ocean, no less. Then we had to do a close-up shot of me having a seizure which involves like foam coming out of my mouth and me seizing up over and over. And for that, they put this like candy mix into my mouth with water. And then I just kind of had to let it gurgle out. And we did that over and over. And I had to seize over and over. And I was worried that I was doing too much seizing. But at one point somebody walking by, because it was like 9am by this point, said, 'Hey, what the hell is that guy okay?' And I got up and said, 'Thank you for the compliment.' It's weird because it was a favor for a friend. I didn't get paid. And yet, it was one of my favorite things that I've done in a really long time. Maybe because of that, it felt more pure and silly and stuff like that I used to do but don't really do much anymore.
Movie: You Hurt My Feelings. Im not gonna tell u much about it just go see it it’s very very very good
r u as tired as I am
Exactly as tired yes.
Are u as tired as u were when you sent this
luckily no!!! five cups of coffeeee!!!!!!
Why, WHY!! are dunkin omelet bites so gooooooood?! Also, why are horses so cool that I have to point out the same ones to my kids every single we pass them on the road? Seriously they’re still fascinating to me and I am old af
ive never eaten a dunkin bite thats how sad it is living in LA they dont have dunkies just starbucks and the sou vide bites or whatever the fuck
but i bet they're good cuz dunkies knows what dunkie is doing
horses are relics of a past that we can no longer understand, yet they exist now as ever, unawares of all the human dumb shit we do, thus reminding us that there is a way out of this hell, if we want it. also they're strong as hell just all muscle and just beautiful idk they're cool and seem like they'd be fun to have beers with
what do ur kids say when u point out the horsies
Alex, we do have Dunkin! Not as many as New England, where every Dunkin has its own Dunkin, but they’re around. Now I need to investigate these omelet bites.
Dude that was so deep. 🤣🤣 and next time you’re back east you will hit me up and we’ll have dunks energy punch and omelet bites together.
Yeah I know mom they’re always there 🙄🙄🙄 even the baby dgaf
hahahaha
How old were you before you realized the relationship between crazy hair and creativity? All your selfies show amazingly unrestrained personality in your hair. When you comb and subdue and style it does your brain just totally shut down?
hahaha this is the best question...ever. I've only had longer hair for the last ten or so years. Before that it was short and or buzzed. In fact I recently told Lauren I want to shave it all and she told me it would not look like it used to because my hair has 'receded' since I was 18 (her words, not mine) I haven't spoken to her since.
I think it happened gradually though as I started playing more...goofy comedic characters? Who were like sort of stoner-y / weird / idiots and I think the hair is a good addition to that?
Honestly the only thing I ever think about my hair is that I'm afraid I am losing it and am not ready for that.
When it gets combed normal I hate it though and rebel so not a shut down but sort of worse.
q: what does ur haircut say about you?
I've always felt like my hair looks like it's pasted on, no matter what I do. I have zero talent for styling it--if it looks OK combing and brushing at least I don't worry about it. If my hair requires too much thought or I invest unusual time in it, I feel extra awkward and creativity is just squished like a fat and juicy cockroach: there goes my creativity--gooey splatters all over the walls and floor and on the bottom of my friends' shoes, metaphorically. All in all, it's a kind of friend-honesty meter. If people just go with my goofy hair and we have fun, it's genuine. So that's really cool.
I love your self-motivated and self-expressing hair.
Sounds like ur hair is awesome
Ok, it's 2:58 am. You're drunk or stoned or just high on life and you're eating Taco Bell. Paid programming cues up Time Life Collection of 80s & 90s Soft Rock Romance just for you. As you become overwhelmed with a combo of nostalgia and nausea, which banger makes you put down your Gordita Supreme and smash the volume button? (PS Community answers welcome)
i fuckin love this question. ok here's a quick list
Iris by the goo goo dolls -- I'd get up and scream 'and I'd give up forever to touch you, 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow" because its the best song and also cuz its from City of Angels which itself is a remake of one of my top 5 movies ever Wings of Desire (forever props to Jack Mayer for telling me to watch this and maybe watching it with me -- everyone go read jack's writing here https://jacklawrencemayer.substack.com/)
also anything Guns N' Roses and Aerosmith especially 'dont wnana miss a thing'
and John Prine
total eclipse of the fuckin heart this song is insane should not be legal
same question to u
YESS. Dude, City of Angels and it's soundtrack are HIGHLY UNDERRATED. And also now I WILL watch Wings of Desire. And also now I'm humming Aerosmith and I want animal crackers.
Ok so if I'm putting down my Gordita Supreme to get back into my car and cry about my ex-boyfriend, it's "Drive" by the Cars.
But if I have an appointment with a yacht the next morning, it's gotta be "Steal Away" by Robbie Dupree.
But if someone needs me to light a jukebox on fire, it's definitely "Freedom '90" by George Michael and I'm screaming SOMETIMES THE CLOTHES DO NOT MAKE THE MAAAAANN.
hahahaha I had never heard steal away till now and am...to be frank, vibing.
funny u bring up GM cuz I was thinking of also listing "nookie" by popular love artist limp bizkit
Ha!! Ok now that’s a love banger to end all love bangers
You never put down a Gordita Supreme. But if I did, hypothetically, it would be for Mr. Billy Joel.
A 24 pack of Gordita Supremes would pair perfectly with my 3 hour Billy Joel Spotify playlist!
What are we waiting for?
Let’s do it!! Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray………..
We can crush a lot of Gorditas during Goodnight Saigon.
Now we’re gonna need a bottle of red…. Bottle of white
How do you develop your own comedic voice when you have multiple voices in your head competing with one another at any given moment? I’m kidding! NO YOU’RE NOT! I would actually like to know...YOU’RE JUST DOING THIS TO BE FUNNY, TO STAND OUT IN THE COMMENT SECTION. No actually, I’m very curious as to your process. CURIOUS!? YOU JUST WANT TO SAP HIS CREATIVE JUICES LIKE HE’S A MAPLE TREE AND YOU’RE IN A 3RD GRADE SCIENCE CLASS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE. No but seriously, who are some of your influences, and how do you strike a balance between being influenced and paving your own course?
lol it sounds like ur already doing it my dear Samuel Clemenstein.
what if I told you - and I really shouldn't be saying this, so please keep it between us - that your own comedic voice IS the multiple voices competing with one another?
plz prepare to ring the both are true bell
ur question assumes there is The One True Comedic Voice within you and then there are The Chatter Fucks who won't shut up and are Getting in The Way but they are they way (I hate that book title the obstacle is the way and Ryan Holiday in general he's too slick and I'm allowed to think that without explaining myself god damn it)
But all of that was sort of a non answer, since it sounds like you already know about and are in touch with these voices, so the question becomes -- what now?
1. ask why -- why do you think there's a part of you that wants you to believe that you're just doing this to stand out in the comment section (this is an lol btw, cuz everyone feels this all the time)
2. let em do their thing. make em characters in a docudrama or soap opera (can u imagine a bar of dove just belting out ava maria aka dovei maria)
Wow I havent even gotten to the influences part!
ok heres a smattering:
Andy kaufman
seinfeld even tho i dont want to be influenced by him anymore
larry d
i think you should leave
tim and eric
the daniels (like a band you love before they were famous I was into them way back when and I want to feel cool for this)
vonnegut
sedaris (similar to seinfeld tho)
laurie moore laurie moore laurie moore laurie moore laurie moore laurie moore laurie moore laurie moorelaurie moore laurie moore laurie moore laurie moorelaurie moore laurie moore laurie moore laurie moore
linklater
wings of desire
dumb and dumber
sandler in general
snl
monty python
lots of podcasts but never really comedy podcasts
oh and foreign movies like
the square
triangle of sadness
force majuere
a pigeon sits on a branch contemplating existence
all of yorgos lanthemos stuff too
the lobster
the deer hunting one
his first is his best - dogtooth that shit is wild
oh and david lynch that guy is a wackadoo i love him
I dont think there's any course to pave but your own, like even if you tried to copy someone word for word you'd end up doing your own thing. that said, my specific problem is I'll get in moods where everything I write is compared to a certain author I'm jealous of at the time, like i'm reading Laurie Stone's book rn and I just keep thinking 'ah she'd read this piece i'm writing and hate it and tell me to go die' but then I remember that even if that happened I wouldn't die I would just become her mortal enemy but i really hope she likes me
usually when I am worried about striking a balance like that or anything I remind myself that the worry is a story and that, like this too, it shall pass.
blessings
q: ur influences what are they
This👆
Jeez you're a legend (note: one of the best feelings in the world is being called a legend by a British bloke. I am not one, but I wanted to allow you to imagine what it would feel like: bloody unreal) for this response and for the time and effort you give to all subscribers. Much appreciated.
My influences (not an exhaustive list) are as follows:
My dad
My brothers
Charles Schulz
Larry D
Monty Python
Tintin
Asterix
Bill Bryson
Augusten Burroughs
Ray Bradbury
Memes where people say horrible things as penguins on club penguin
Jake and Amir
Rey Mysterio
Tony Bourdain
Tuesdays w Stories (Joe List, Mark Normand)
Wes Anderson
SNL
Anything and everything that happened at Jewish sleep away camp
problematic but still can't help but being influenced by them section:
Louis ck- especially his tv shows Louie and Horace & Pete
Aziz- Master of none
would love to double click on 'rey mysterio' also back when I was a child we called him 'rey mysterio jr.'
also jewish camp I tried so hard to get girls to kiss me there but NONE WOULD
I know they always went for the "jocks" of the Jewish camp world: THE ULTIMATE FRISBEE PLAYERS!
When will you tell us the most hilarious Ukrainian idioms you know? When a crawfish whistles in the mountains?
oh maaaan this is a great question and one I will gladly answer with a little help from my parents who love telling me about russian idioms (i feel like they know more of those than ukrainian ones) So I will get back to you soon.
TILL THEN wait I love ur substack it rules!
what are some of ur fav dishes that you havent writen about yet? Do you ever make beetoks or katletkes ?? those were my favs lol
and alivye
Oh man there are so many! Just made baby-approved zucchini pancakes (deruny z kabachkiv) this week.
Some of the top ones I’d like to write about are more what I think of as Surzhyk dishes: Forshmak (a herring and apple salad traditional in Odessa), Okroshka (a Russian effervescent yogurt soup eaten in the eastern half of Ukraine) and Cholent (known mostly as a Jewish stew, but also popular in the Zakarpatian region near the Hungarian border).
Frankly, I’ve been too fraught to write about the mixed culinary history over the last year plus, but maybe I’m just “waiting for the weather from the sea.”
Kotletkes I’ve made, but what is beetoks?!
oh maaaan I'm gonna send all this to my parents and see which they know!!
Bitki!! https://marinaskitchen.wordpress.com/2010/01/29/russian-chicken-cutlets-bitki-or-bitochki/
God seeing them makes my mouth water lol I used to eat SOOO MANY
Aaaaah! In Ukrainian these are called vidbevna (відбивна) and yes, probably ate them 3x a week when I lived in Ukraine.
Natasha’s Kitchen is my favorite English language spot for Ukrainian recipes: https://natashaskitchen.com/otbivnaya-otbivni-chicken-tenders/
Hi Alex,
What’s the salary range? Not for any job in particular, just in general. It’s hard to get a straight answer so I’m hoping you can help.
Thanks for all you do and your diligence in researching this.
unpaid to start. snacks provided and imdb credit - a great opportunity for anyone interested in becoming a 'working actor'
lol @ working actor. like the fact that we have to give that qualifier is not good. actor is a job so most actors should be working actors.
I'm a working doctor
I'm a working waiter
lol
katie what makes you right for this role? For all roles? how does the salary and nonbenefitis sound
What I'd love to say: This blows and is completely unreasonable, and no one could ever survive with these piss-poor meager, barely even, not even earnings. I've been working at acting since you were a fetus, what are you 12? I am TRAINED! I was a freaking extra in 2.4 made for TV infomercials for chrissake. Take this job and stick it right up your ear.
Answer I'd give: Oh sure, that sounds great! I mean, I'll get exposure to people who are actually working as actors, and I might even bump into them while anxiously filling my empty, poor person pockets with free snacks. And imdb credits?! What a beneperk, can't wait to tell all my friends! Qualified? Er... well, I've got more than 20 months of experience taking guff and I once served coffee to a guy who was an atmosphere extra for a hit teen tv show that didn't get past the pilot. Soo.... I don't have acting experience per se, but I've watched a bunch of films by people who do! Heh heh heh... when can I start?
hey katie thanks so much for reaching back! loved your response and your energy and we will not be moving forward with an unpaid position for you at this time.
Please do stand by though and DO NOT TAKE other work as this might change any day (it wont) but it could (it cant). SO EXCITED to collab!
Great, so you’re saying there’s a chance!
Just wanted to say hi. Asking questions without a theme/structure is too much pressure. Low-key curious what an ideal Saturday afternoon looks like for you though. Needing some inspiration for the weekend ahead.
What's up William!! Sorry about the pressure but don't worry, this isn't a tire (I used this joke in a differennt comment, still trying to see how its working)
But let me just say you are HEARD and next month will have a theme promise.
maaaaan an ideal saturday lol i am so bad at this stuff because I enjoy pain and do not allow myself much pleasure but lemme try... So the afternoon would hafta balance 50/50 with time for myself and time with the fam -- first half would be for myself and I'd spend it at a coffee shop writing but like not for any deadline but just for myself, clankin the keys cuz I enjoyed doing so. A friend would be there too, working alongside me and we'd mostly just hang and chat outside.
Then I'd walk to the nearby library and bumble around looking at books and bring like 15 to a desk and never open any of them but just keep writing
I'd end up probably lost on the internet for a while and forget why I came (which was to relax) and then get stressed and try to DO SOMETHING with my time to justify being alive
Also in this ideal day that I am gonna say has infinite time, I also go see a movie by myself during the daytime and then go to the notebook / fountain pen store and buy one new one of each
THEN I go hang with Lauren and Wilder for the second half of the afternoon we go to the park and goof around and walk and get lost in Wilder's world of reality which, right now, mostly involves him asking what everything is and being the cutest fuckin guy in the world. We'd come home and Lauren might wanna make dinner so I'd take Wilder to the store or go read some boosk with him for a while.
more than anything I did though I think the ideal saturday would involve a certain feeling of contentedness and peace w things , like ok I do not need to work very hard today in order to justify my existence, I am already worthy no matter what I do today because one's worth is not defined by what they can accomplish (I have a hard time believing this can you tell)
Oh also I'd go to the gym and, after just one workout, become ripped and everyone would go whoa how'd he do that and I'd say 'simple - it was my ideal day'
Q: What are some good easy topics you think you'd wanna talk about for future YAMAs
1. Do you and Michael Estrin hang together in real life?
2. Do Substack commenters go to the trouble to create cool/ironic profile names suitable to their comments, especially Samuel Clemenstein?
1. yes we have and yes we do
2. I believe mr. clemenstein is a writer on substack as well and thus the name is for more than simply comments but for an entire lifestyle persona but he will be better equipped to answer than i
Ok what’s the movie you would recommend
i love the 'ok' that starts this. The movie is 'you hurt my feelings' its incredible, very understated comedy that felt so nice to see in a theater. I wont spoil anything (not that there are huge spoilers) but I recommend going into it knowing as little as possible.
and for a documentary, Boys State is amazing - about these lil kids in texas who do a mock election of all of america, so theres president and senate and stuff and its wild seeing these lil boys become politicians.
but those are broad recs. Q: What sorta movies do you love? I Can then better recommend some I think
I want to see the new Indiana Jones just for fun!!!
I will read up on you hurt my feelings
Past Lives is supposed to be very good
What [THING]... essay, movie, book, bit, etc... do you wish you made?
What [THING]... same list, etc... do you feel like you're constantly trying to remake?
incredible question probably top question ever wow.
What do I wish I'd made? Steve films Alex. It woulda been a masterpiece (inside joke)
For real answer: Man....I wish I could do standup like andy kaufman. To give so few fucks and commit so hard to the bit is unparalleled also it seems like it would be really hard on your psyche.
OH I wish I could make videos like Meg Stalter and Grace kuhlenschmidt
Also: I wish I made a movie like Everything everywhere all at once. In general, the daniels' movies are an inspiration for me and their music videos too obvi turn down for what but this is my fav - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqmwKi6KOSw&t=3s
What [THING]... same list, etc... do you feel like you're constantly trying to remake?
I want to write like Vonnegut and Heather Havrilesky and Laurie Moore all wrapped in one. Often when I read any of them, the next few weeks are spent feeling like a garbage ass who can't write as well as them.
man this is a hard question that makes me realize I am not super aware of my influences which is maybe a good thing??
Same two questions back at you!
I am feeling super lucky because I just joined the BATcave this week and already it’s YAMA-MAYA time.
Ach, the pressure.
Ok. Wine before beer, or beer before wine? (I always forget)
Welcome to Yama maya !!! There is no pressure it’s not a tire
The only saying I know is “liquor before beer ur in the clear, beer before liquor never been sicker”
I don’t drink tho and it’s not cuz I love it too much I just don’t like alcohol which is weird given how much I like other drugs tho I am sober and have been for a while which is good but also stinky bc I miss the drugs but hey that’s life am I right
Anyways! Hi and hello. What’s the origin of your last name it’s so many consonants without a vowel
Hi back at you, fellow Slav. My last name is Czech. Growing up in the US I had to spell it all the time.
Here is a good story: when I decided to go back to the roots (moved from Palo Alto to Prague), I spent a year in intensive language tutoring. One of the things I made sure to memorize was how to say the Czech letters that spell my name. When I had my first bureaucratic encounter in the homeland, I was ready to launch into the spelling thing-- but no! I was not asked “how do you spell that?”!!
Awesome. The only thing that confused people was that I didn’t have an -ova, which in those days even non-Czech female names got pasted on. Like Steffi Grafova or Margaret Thatcherova.
I bet your last name does not make the americans so crazy.
Haha wow that’s wild. So r u in Prague now? We visited there for a couple weeks like 8 years ago and had a blast
mmm no, living in Switzerland now. But I visited Prague two weeks ago and had a blast. So that still holds true.
Hi Alex, First time YAMA/MAMA here, I'm super excited. Can I ask two questions?
Q1) Can you validate my existence in some way?
Q2) Can I ask another question?
No you cannot ask two questions
A1: you typed the words I see on my screen and, what's more, you are reading these words I have written to you right now. You are both the sender and receiver of messages. what more could you need?
A2: Sure
Q1: How are you enjoying your first month as a paidBathead?
Q2: what's the day looking like?
A1R1: This confirms my existence, though may not validate.
A2R1: Thanks!
Q1R1: Enjoying it, thank you. Wondering if I should ask for something in exchange for continuing as a paid subscriber after the free trial, but that's probably not cool/extortion.
Q2R1: Not bad, thanks for asking! I'm at work, working and goofing on Substack between meetings, and on breaks. I think this is totally healthy and within the parameter of my work requirements. I've been very productive today an can get you a list of my accomplishments if that would help you feel better about me commenting on this post during work hours. Let's consider this the new smoke break and just chill out about it ok?
Q1R1.R1 - Nice. And no you should not. That's exortion and blackmail and frankly could get you in seerious water (hot).
Q2R1.rR1 - This is good to hear I was worried both for you and the economy. If you dont mind though, just to be safe not sorry, can you outline what exactly you did at work ? thx
Q2R2.R1 - How;s your wife feel about you being so shy to be a wife guy in public? Is your wife a husband guy??
Q1R1.R1.R1: Some call it "extortion" some call them "favors".
Q2R1.rR1.r1: Thanks, my boss actually asked for the same thing this morning. Always better to kill 2 birds!
-responded to questions and edited a request for a contract amendment
-opened substack and thought about making 10 or 20 comments or Notes, made around 5.
-Used mind magic to align the central forces of the galaxy
-Thought about the Denver Nuggets and NBA free agency
-Had several positive meetings and positive conversations with teammates to advance several projects in several positive directions.
-Made a list of things that I have to do
-Thought about that list...thought about it real hard with mind magic. No luck.
Q2R2.R1.r1: MY wife understands that many don't accept me as a wife guy and respects my privacy as a shy wyfe Guy. My wife is a husband guy 4 SURE.
Blessings
Q2R2: Also, I got lunch with my wife. It was great- I'm a big wife guy, however, I'm still scared to be one in public. Big step to do something with my wife in a public setting.
Enjoy your wife each and every chance you get. My honey is in heaven and I still wonder did I tell him enough that I loved him?
the fact that you wonder means you probably did
Thank you for saying that. He was my cute sexy cowboy. We didn’t have long enough together
“Especially big welcome to three, five, and seventeen.” Omgggggg so good. I am working on multiple books right now, none under contract, tiny embers of hope they will actually stand on their own one day. BUT so important for my sanity/health AND ALSO so important to figure out when they are fucking with my sanity/health and get some fresh air, hugs, etc. Life is hard! Writing is harder! (But won’t actually kill you? Except it *can* really drag your mind down dark roads so I have no answers and someone please pass a cracker how did we get here where am I)
CAN SOMEONE GET KARA A FUCKIN CRACKER????
Ok here is my one thought on such matters which I had yesterday when discussing with a few writers why one writes anything personal even though its painful and it is this:
the only thing more painful than writing it is not writing it.
This is a bit gouche dramatic for my liking, but nevertheless true -- I know how I feel when I keep it in (emotionally constipated etc) and how it feels when I let it out (post poopmatic relief disorder PPRD). So yea, let it out?
life is hard and writing is harder and holy shit what a gift for them both. I am in a good mood today I can tell because I am writing anything even plausipositive. I will look at this in a few days and call myself names but who cares -the me who is writing this now won't be around for that and the me in the future sounds like a jerk so whatever.
to more life air hugs write right left right write wrote wrate eight nine ten tent stars moon sun life
It’s so true. I fully advocate for everyone and anyone taking sabbaticals whenever their heart needs it. And when the heart needs to write, make like Cheryl Strayed and write like a motherfucker 🔥
PS I loved that sun moon life coda and awwww’ed out loud. Then I waited to respond so I wouldn’t seem too eager lol.
How are you feeling this Thursday morning?
honestly, pretty good! my biggest anxiety is from overwhelm of all the shit I have to / want to do. like just this morning I've come up with about 10 new ideas and projhects and essays . i'm trying to work on writing those down somewhere but not actually 'working on them' bc they distract me from whatever I decided i should be doing a week ago.
its hard.
i try to make systems that help but then i forget i made them
how do u manage all ur shit?
I don't.
Welllllllll...I do. Making money is the first thing. Do the things that make money first. Because, no money, no other "shit I want to do." Second is: what's due next? My Substack is ready to go auto-send tomorrow. I have a post slate for that entire series in a notebook. Second money thing ready to send and invoice tomorrow.
I tell ya, pal, knowing you're ahead of the curve (for the most part) makes life soooooooooo much less stressful.
Carry on, mate.
but when you run ahead of the curve does it not simply run ahead too
Dammit Dobrenko. *sigh* You weren’t supposed to ask that. 😑
Great I got one that’s FRESH like it happened on Wednesday. My friend is making a movie about Muscle Beach which is this iconic outdoor gym on the ocean in Venice that’s like an LA landmark. Arnold S. Trained there lol
So my friend got access to the gym and stuff and asked me to come to come be in his movie. And my role was going to be somebody that basically overdosed at the gym. So that would entail me hulking out and screaming in rage because I had taken too much of some supplement...it wasn't steroids but something like steroids and so basically at like 7am, I basically had to just kind of have a full-on mental rage breakdown in this gym, start throwing things and screaming and trying to fight people. And then I jumped over a fence. And then we kept doing it over and over again. And it was really exhausting. I was like, dead by the end, which made me realize I definitely need to get into better shape. But also, it was just such an incredible release to just like, scream and be allowed to. On near the ocean, no less. Then we had to do a close-up shot of me having a seizure which involves like foam coming out of my mouth and me seizing up over and over. And for that, they put this like candy mix into my mouth with water. And then I just kind of had to let it gurgle out. And we did that over and over. And I had to seize over and over. And I was worried that I was doing too much seizing. But at one point somebody walking by, because it was like 9am by this point, said, 'Hey, what the hell is that guy okay?' And I got up and said, 'Thank you for the compliment.' It's weird because it was a favor for a friend. I didn't get paid. And yet, it was one of my favorite things that I've done in a really long time. Maybe because of that, it felt more pure and silly and stuff like that I used to do but don't really do much anymore.
Movie: You Hurt My Feelings. Im not gonna tell u much about it just go see it it’s very very very good
Q: what’s a good book or movie Rec you got