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#BRAVEANDVULNERABLE: how do I become a Substack Featured Publication cuz goddamit I’m really really trying and they don’t seem to be noticing?!

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lol debbie i have no fuckin idea! i feel like getting selected for that is now a crapshoot that often goes to new substacks that the company is courting like big new names or maybe that's just what i'm telling myself??

idk, i really don't. i guess if i was to really try to do it i'd figure out who makes the selections and then find out something bad that they did once and blackmail them.

but for real this is one of those classic 'we can't control shit' moments.

maybe the point is for you to stop trying and then they'll notice? or also maybe they won't . either way you'll maybe be happier cuz you no longer need it?

my question back to you: why do you want to become a substack featured pub, like actually why

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cuz I’m weirdly competitive… that’s why. really, I have no good reason. good answer, thx.

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nothing wrong with competition! i want to win too i wanna be the best and have everyone else go 'wow he's the best no question' but when i think about that drive and think about how i'd feel if i was there and was an asshole who only cared about that, i know i'd be p unhappy or at least that's what i am telling myself

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ha ha yes, working on becoming a better person. I've still got a little time, right?!!

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time isn't real

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I know what ya mean, but at almost 73, I'm feelin it... which is a surprise. the good news is I'm entering b]old age with "beginners mind" xx

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Oct 18Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

From start (or even pre-start) to finish (or even post-finish), which part of the entire creative process makes you feel the best, like giddy and enthusiastic and all is right with the world?

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i love this question so much. i would say the best part for me is when I am just going nuts inside of an essay and everything is making sense and I'm looking stuff up and everything is super interesting like I'll look up some dumb fact and go to the comments of that page and find those fascinating and want to write about one person's comment in particular who i then click into and go on another tangent and another and another.

it's sort of this 'everything is yes' place where i'm saying yes to every idea and everything is funny and works. the critic has fallen asleep and its just me at the wheel losing my god damn mind. i love it.

you didn't ask but my least fav part is probably right after publishing. that gnawing insecurity is really hard for me though i will say it has gotten better over time!

ok same question back at you!

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Oct 19Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

I love the rabbit holes!! And the clicking on comments! I do that with YT all the time and the next thing I know, 40 days and nights have passed and I have no idea where I am! But oddly enough, I only really love that when I’m the “reader” (rather than in YOUR case here where I’d be the “researcher”). Because if I’m writing, rabbit holes just get me way too lost in a frantic frustrated way…. but maybe I need to be a little more gonzo about that part of the process?? Anyway! On the flippety flop, my fave moment of the creative process IS the moment I hit publish, send-email, etc. I love the quiet, peace as the chatter of my brain in editing mode finally powers down. I love the completeness of it all. That sense of accomplishment and pride. Of course it only lasts as long as the moment comments roll in, then it’s all downhill from there haha!!

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hahhaah we're 100% opposites

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Alex! How are you? No, how are you REALLY.

I don't know if it's "brave and vulnerable to be online talking about how you’re trying to make something happen". But I do know there are an awful lot of people doing it. I recently became a paid subscriber of Writers @ Work, and have been making a concerted effort to be present on Notes. There are an awful lot of people posting about how they're "writing into the void". At first I felt validated, like, yes yes! Me too! But now it's starting to feel like a ploy to get *likes* on Notes, and even if it's not, I'm tired of seeing it, LOL. Lots of people are trying really, really hard, and lots of people are getting nowhere. If there's one thing that spending more time on Notes has taught me, it's that for me, it's going to have to be my way or the highway. If I don't post on Notes often enough, or in the right way to get likes and restacks, so be it. I'll just live in the void---it's peaceful here. Two nights ago after drinking a cocktail, I posted a photo of my husband in his pajamas, and ended up writing about our old dog's toxic farts. That's the way it's going to have to be.

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haahaha GIVE ME TOXIC FARTS OR GIVE ME DEATH

how am I? I am...okay. Ok you asked so I am going to just tell you I am frustrated that I can't get more fucking paid subscribers. I KNOW that I literally wrote recently about how I am focusing on the wrong thing (new subs vs all the amazing people - hi! - already here) but I can't seem to make my brain remember that. Like ok here's some inside baseball - after posting this, I got 1 new paid subscriber and LOST THREE. I woulda been way better off not posting shit.

So yea, that frustrates me and sends me spiraling into fix it mode, like I am the problem and I have to get myself out of it and be the solution.

As I write that out though I'm reminded of the other big thing happening in my life which is that I am realizing my whole 'im a piece of shit' thing is itself a way of controlling situations that otherwise make me feel helpless. Like its a lot scarier to just be like 'maybe there arent a lot of people who want to pay for my work' or 'maybe Substack is saturated' - sitting in those possible truths is scary af because they might just be true and that would be that. So instead, I decide I am the problem which means I can be the solution.

All of this leads me to a place of hating myself and always working to get myself out of things. But maybe I don't need to work so hard with this one? I don't know. Maybe I have to sit with the helpless feelings that there is just so much I can't control. Makes me sicker than a dog's toxic farts.

how is it in Writers &@ Work. Sarah's a pal and I've always been curious how the paid subscriber experience is over there

what's your husband think of the void?

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WELL NOW. Thanks for that meaty response. There’s a lot to “unpack” there, as they say. First thing is… you might not have a choice between toxic farts and death. These toxic farts might cause death. They haven’t yet… but it’s only a matter of time.

Next is… all that stuff about paid subscribers. I can relate, even though I only have 20 of them, haha. But I understand that feeling of knowing you shouldn’t be focused that way, but it’s so hard not to be, and how the fuck do you keep your mind and spirit aligned in the so-called right way when you’re only human and you need to pay the bills. In my case, I don’t spend a lot of time fantasizing about paid subscribers anymore, thought there was a period where I entertained delusions of grandeur. I still don’t feel like I’m quite in the pocket with Feed the Monster, so I’m grateful I even have 20. But for you, I can see how it would be especially hard because you’re THERE in that you have a popular Substack and you’ve experienced some success. So you want MORE MORE MORE… I know I would. Plus you have two little kids, and of course you’d much rather pay the bills with your writing skillz than anything else. This is all conjecture of course… I don’t really know what you think, haha.

As for control… you really can’t control anything. You can’t control who sees what note, or which post will resonate with who, or who will stop being a paid subscriber tomorrow because they’re having a hard time making ends meet. All you can do is your work… as best you can. You are not the problem. You’re just a guy… a hilarious, talented guy who’s trying to find his way like everyone else. See how I’m acting like I know you again? Gawd.

Writer’s@Work: Before I became a paid subscriber, I paid for her recent workshop on Notes. I was truly impressed with Sarah Fay… she’s a great teacher. As I wrote to her in an email, I found her to be clear, friendly, reassuring, unruffled, good-humoured, and patient. All the things you want in a teacher! Now that I’m a paid subscriber (it’s only been a couple of weeks), I’m basically working my way through all of the existing workshops and taking notes, and I continue to be impressed by her. Maybe I’ll participate in some upcoming workshops live… WHO KNOWS. I’d been thinking about joining for a long time, and then in the workshop I watched she mentioned she’d be raising her prices, so I thought I’d better jump on it. I still need guidance figuring out what the hell it is I think I’m doing with FTM, so that’s what I’m hoping to find there.

What does my husband David think of the void? Well, he just started his own Substack , LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. He drove me absolutely bananas for a couple of weeks there, asking me questions about setting it up every two minutes or so. Now all is quiet. Let’s hope it stays that way.

Bye Alex! NICE CHATTING!!!

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thank you this helped as always. and what the heck arye ou talking about, you DO know me lol

wait what's ur hubbies stack

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I know you like I know the back of my hand.

David's first post on his STACK: https://dpsjackasspath.substack.com/p/1-i-am-an-artist

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Oct 18·edited Oct 18Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

I’ve always liked Gary V., because he has heart and urges people to follow their dreams. Seems like what drives Ferriss is his ego and a desire to win. But maybe he has changed since uncovering his childhood trauma. I think it’s brave to share what you’re grappling with, whether re: work, relationships, etc. I wrote about ambition and its connection to self-rejection here https://ckarchive.com/b/5quvh7hv9ev82tp5xxd52arvo3l44un. My question for you: Whose work do you most admire, not for the money-making aspect of it but for the artistic merit?

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I love this question and want to take a minute to answer

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Funny you should ask. Hopefully it’s funny. My next essay will be about my lifelong, well, adult long self talk of “I should just get a real job.” My only issue is finding one for the unskilled. I saw an ad recently for FBI field agents. Requirements? I can be suspicious of people.

Meanwhile, there’s no money to be made in humor on Substack so I started doing comedy videos on TikTok and IG. There are many funny-enough folks with 100,000 followers. Hmmm. 🤔

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Hahaah wait what’s the question???

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Here’s a question for you, Sir Dobrenko— do you keep a list of ideas, like a running tab— or do you get the inspiration and complete the entire piece?

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this question is the bane of my god damn existence!!! I have made several running tabs of lists of ideas that live all over the place - notes docs, Sublime, Tana, Workflowy, Roam Research, and at least five different places. I never go back to these lists but I really want to try to change that. I have fully written essays back there. Maybe its okay though? Like, I wrote an essay yesterday and one this morning but they are back there in the databases now!! I need to get better about this, I really do.

idk honestly this is a tough question. I do have the rare 'it all comes out in one go' sprints but those are sort of rare? Or they happen a lot but then theres a lot of editing ?

What about you? what's your system?

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I guess I was responding to your sub-topic. How do you make a living…?

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god i am an idiot i am sorry I blew it

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hjows the comedy video thing going tho

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Oct 18Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

What was your first paid job as an adult (18+), how long did you do it, and how did you feel about it?

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lol this makes me think ur asking about my first porno job but i have not done those.

let's see, first after 18 job was probably after my freshman year of college, I worked at some law firm in providence RI doing research about asbestos cases. it was a summer job and weird as hell but sorta fun? I'd sit in a conference room with four or five other ppl and we'd listen to brandi carlisle and look through old records of who was on what ship to prove that they got asbestos.

i also remember being obsessed with losing weight that summer so my lunch was always very minimal and included a tiny ass yogurt thing that was strawberry banana.

I felt good about it.

question: what was your latest most current job (not including the one you have now) - how long did you do it and how did you feel about it?

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Oct 18Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

:D any job where you can listen to Brandi Carlisle with coworkers almost has to be cool by definition, I'm thinking!

I worked in a bakery department at a major grocery store for almost two years. I mostly liked it fine, but they had me work the closing shift a lot which put me home after 10pm, and since I have to be up Mon-Fri at 3:30am or earlier for my other job, it just was too hard on my body and sleep schedule - I had to find something with more amenable hours.

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Oct 18Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

Why didn’t you run 5 miles on May 3?

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that was the day i opened my brick and mortar store for Three Boots. my plan was to open it, work a few hours and then go for a 5 mile run but I got absolutely walloped in the afternoon with 'permit issues' and 'police' and had to shut the whole thing down. i woulda still gone running afterwards but it got super late and i got tired and i was depressed because of Three Boots shutting down

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question for you: what did you do last may 3 and if you can't remember that, what will you do today

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Oct 18Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

This past May 3, I was at the Sun, Sand and Soul music festival in Miramar Beach, Fl. It was awesome and we’ve already signed up to go again this year! I’m thinking my day sounds better than the one you had😁 Ps 3 flip flops sounds better than 3 boots, I’ve lost a flip flop but never a boot

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whoa that sounds fun who was playing

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Oct 18Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

Tedeschi Trucks was the headliner.

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Hustle & Grind question: If genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, do you get through a heck load of deodorant?

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great question i honestly do not use a ton of deoderant if anything i should be using more, not really bc of perspiration as much as odor? like, i will start to smell myself and be like what the hell this stinks and sometimes go and try to put deodarant on but you can't really put it on atop stinky armpit stuff cuz the two blend and the stink wins and so you get this real monster of a stench that i am sure could kill a child.

i use old spice for what that's worth.

i also really only sweat when talking to other people, like that's when i get nervous and sweat. besides that maybe if i drink too much coffee like right now?

yea i just checked and my palms are fairly sweaty (knees weak, arms heavy), so idk.

i sorta forget about my body existing when i do creative stuff. some say this is 'bad' but i say they can go to 'hell'

q: what's your relationship to inspiration and perspiration?

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I'm inspired by so much amazing stuff from so many incredible people. Is that a red flag?

I put in loads of work until my creativity becomes ridiculously efficient. Is that a red flag too?

Basically, I smell so little that I rarely need to use deodorant. Yet people still shout at me "You stink!"

Thanks for your rec. Now I can shout back, "It's only coz I use Old Spice!" - That'll learn 'em.

My rec for you: replace some of the coffee with tea. Tea is one of the best things ever ever. Ever. The only thing it hasn't helped with is people shouting at me.

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Oct 18Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

When was the last time you grew a mustache, and why didn't it stick? #SubstackerFashionAdvice

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i rocked the mustache for a while! and it did stick! the photos lauren and i took of us after getting married at the courthouse have me rocking a pretty dope mustache! idk why i got rid of it, probably bc all my facial hair grew and it became a beard and i wanted a change cuz i thought it'd make me feel happy about myself which it did but not for long, never for long.

the longest my hair has ever grown is this: https://www.facebook.com/share/p/B6TsKrzUkGvxoPyp/

q: do YOU want to grow a mustache?

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Oct 18Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

Nice! I assumed / hoped you had one. I picture more of a Jerry mustache than a George one. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzZsLaLChRg)

As you, and similar to George, I grew a mustache in an effort to take a vacation from myself. I was already living in Montana so I felt I was double-dipping on the vacay side. Also, my wife hated it. And we moved. And I'm lazy. And I was tired of being mistaken as being from South America. (Montana can be a freaky place after hours.)

Now back in NYC, I feel like it should make a comeback.

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You know what I wanna ask, but I also know the answer already :)

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wait I think i know

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is it that thing you sent me?

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yeaaah

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wait what do you think the answer is

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didn't get to it yet?

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correct. classic interrobang stuff. i have a couple trips coming up and will read it on the plane if i finish all my 'make money work' first

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Am I too late? That’s not my question. My question is something about free labor and setting rates and how to wrap your head around all that. Did you struggle with setting rates for some of your services, and how do you get beyond just doing things for free for people, to saying, “oh actually I need to be compensated for that.” Or maybe you’ve set a mates rate that is too low and now you are stuck making v little money doing a lot of work for a friend—how would you navigate that? Any thoughts on how to charge people you know for your work? Has this ever happened to you? You can answer whichever rambling question you like :)

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