Sorry folks, but I’ve got nothing to write about today.
“so write about that” I can hear myself saying. That’s what i say to others when they tell me they’ve got nothing to write about.
“just write about that!” i say, all excited like a labradoofus, “that’s enough!”
Being here, though, on this side of it, i gotta say…that advice sorta sucks.
“but it’s not wrong, is it?” i hear myself saying.
No, but to paraphrase The Dude, “it’s not not wrong… you’re just an asshole.”
Write about...what, exactly?
That I have nothing to write about? Like I’m making a hacky ass freshman year film school short inspired by Christopher Nolan and the ever shifting concepts of space and time?
Get real.
Yes, I would say to myself, write about that and then write about why you’re getting angry right now.
I’m not angry!
Brother, I’d say to myself, you seem a little angry.
No. I’m frustrated.
...
Okay so...I’m supposed to write about why I’m angry? Who could possibly care about that?
Doesn’t matter. If you care about it, they’ll care about it.
But I don’t care about it!
Why not?
Because it’s boring as shit and feels navel gaze-y.
Isn’t all of your writing navel gaze-y? Didn’t you in fact once write about that?
I wrote about how limiting that sort of writing can be:
If you gaze into the navel long enough, you end up at the back, right above your butt, smelling your own farts.
But isn’t there value maybe in showing people when it doesn’t feel great so they can see that side too?
Who are you?
You, but wiser. More chill. Better looking.
Okay that’s -
I’m serious. I am better looking.
...
Objectively, we look the same, but I find myself to be look pretty good, whereas you find yourself lackluster.
I lack luster?
You think you do, and thus you do.
I want luster.
“A gentle sheen or soft glow” - that’s what luster means.
I want that.
Shakespeare invented it apparently. first used it. He also tried inventing words like lack-love, lack-beard, lack-brain, lack-linen.
He was just trying shit out. Having fun.
Oh god -
What?
Don’t.
Don’t what?
Try to make this a lesson.
I’m just saying you can tell he was goofing around and most of it never stuck but still - he was frikkin Shakespeare.
You’re not Shakespeare though.
I’m lack-shakespearian.
Yes.
Lackspeare.
Stop.
…it’s so fucking hard to get over that initial wall of lack.
The lack-wall.
Wouldn’t that mean lacking wall?
stfu
Fair!
We good?
I hope so...no wait.
What?
What if I write all this and I don’t want to publish it.
Then don’t. No one says you have to -
But I want to! It was fun to write. I got lost in it.
You already published it.
What?
These words are being read right now by someone else.
What?
It’s over. You did it. Congrats.
Dang.
You loved the lack and the lack loved you back.
…
I’m allowed to try stuff too.
Definitely.
I am.
I agree! We all are.
You mean that?
Surprisingly, yes.
Now what?
We merge into one soul and body again?
Till next time.
That woulda been a good title for the Christopher Nolan style film.
I’m ending this. Bye everyone.
Bye everyone, or is this BY everyone -
END OF ESSAY
wanna cowrite every week??
Join the BATCAVE!
We meet weekly, I share stories and prompts, and then we cowrite.
No one shares their stuff, it’s just good hang times and accountability. Body doubling (another good title for this essay).
comment
write the most boring thing you can in the comments - seriously i wanna read it.
Please don't be so hard on yourself, Alex.
That's my job.
Get off my metaphorical lawn with those metaphorical boots of yours.
I just ordered two glass tea mugs so I would get free shipping on the tea I wanted to order. Wait...that wasn't boring, it was a stupid move, and I didn't recognize how stupid it was until I wrote it here. sigh. Early dementia?