I like to put my phone face-down on the table at the start of any in-person interactions. It lets the other person know it's okay to pay attention to here, now. I also feel morally superior, just rubbing in my self-discipline IN THE FACE!
"Forgive me father for I have scrolled." - stealing this one.
TBH, I think commiting to taking the apps off of your phone is the decision that makes a 100 smaller ones for you. Having to find a browser and/or log in is just enough friction that it's usually not worth it.
If you've suddenly become 60 and Facebook is one of the platforms you can't quit, try installing something like the Newsfeed Eradicator extension. It replaces your newsfeed with an inspirational quote. It also makes the platform extremely boring extremely fast. I don't miss FB at all--which is something I can't say about cigarettes.
Do it. You will not regret it. I gave up social media in 2016 and am free. I won't even have Substack app on my phone because of the hook. It will be the best thing you ever do for yourself! Good luck
I have no idea what's going on or what anyone's opinion is on anything and I have no friends. I'd say it's pretty great to be fair. I have a cool bubble of my own ha ha. Just like when you are about 7 years old and you exist in a world where there seem to be birds, insects, stones to throw in the river...... yep, pretty great
-I first got Internet on my phone in 2020, because I felt like no choice, folks will get angry with me for real, and I won't be able to do some important stuff(I was right)
-I still use the Internet on it only if sorely needed, if the app can be on my desktop it ends up on desktop
-I don't use Instagram, Twitter(or how it's called now), etc. Never did. I kinda hate FB so I use it sporadically, mostly for getting in touch
-I was taught to answer letters immeditately/next day, barring emergency. Then you write and apologize for not writing back sooner. Of course it was in the long gone days of real letters, long wait, running to that mailbox, returning with the treasure in your hands.
But I still think it's a good approach. Harder to do with messages yet one should strive to
-I think as some letters are important just the same to you, even if delivered differently-why not to look at them again? I do, I re-read. I love re-reading in general. books, letters, you name it.
-I still hate Internet-and I never stare or scroll on my phone as I said before
But it permeates our life too much. So I still use enough of it to hate it.
It's not that nothing good came out of it, I personally met many cool folks, for example. But maybe like in that movie with doors, I'd meet them anyway, "just differently"
-I think it was different order and questions but whatever
-I never was listening to what were Thomas and friends doing, "choo-choo" was enough for me. Brings back fond memories, thanks Alex. I'm a bit surprised the show is still going strong though lol
Subfeed question: Do you remember the time in your life BEFORE smartphones became the norm?
I am 35 years old. I remember crushing blackberries and the like through High School and into college, BUT THEN, in 2007, a random guy during my Sophomore Year said "Check out my new iPhone!" What the fuck was an iPhone? I laughed and said, "what a waste of money". This was the turning point, that I can recall, where everything changed, for me. Somewhere around 2007. The argument could be made it was prior to this, but this seemed to a good jumping off point where everything started to feed into the "new norm" of dipping your head into your phone all of the time.
Anyway, my point is that I can't really remember what I did (or didn't do), on a regular basis, before smartphones. How did we fill up our free time? Were we just watching television a lot more?
I remember pagers (would use numbers as letters for code text so you didn’t have to call, you could type out hello or I love you. then it was flip phones. Before that I was just a kid running the town with friends, maybe on a ten speed bike. mostly just walking everywhere
I definitely remember the bike part, but I was at the age that experienced the before and after as an older teenager, so it's just wild to think about. I remember playing snake on my bright orange Nokia :-)
We are the same age. I got my first smartphone when I started working, after finishing my university. Never needed it before that. I had a phone with actual buttons, and everyone else laughed at me, and I laughed at everyone else. Didn't harm my social life, though.
I did this in 2021 and it was brutal. Massively brutal. Probably because social media was my only connection to the real world while living at 7,500 feet elevation in the mountains. I saw humans at the grocery store maybe once a week.
I don’t recommend this, and yet, I know I’m not the same person after untethering myself from the pretend human’ing on social media.
Because of leaving social media, I know I can feel things more skillfully and can register what is poisoning me before I’ve gulped a gallon of it. That’s probably the only reason this is a worthwhile trial: to find out what is poisoning and what is nourishing. And what is illusion. (Probably all of it.)
FWIW, my ideal world is the one where we all bring back the yearly family newsletter with fuzzy polaroids and long, winding descriptions of vacations and picnics and school achievements.
Remember those? The holiday christmas card stuffed fat with three pages of family details that you’d NEVER send to your old high school drama teacher. Why? Because like careless humans living life, you lost touch and that’s OK.
I want a yearly family newsletter from people whose address I care enough about to keep updated. I like that kind of simple life.
Bravo! We used to author those Christmas letters! About 12 years ago I disconnected from FB. I wrote a post about it way back. I likened FB to the NIGHTMARE of 365 days per year Christmas letters. Just silly. Once a year is about right :)
It's not the screen but what's on the screen that matters. Without the junk mail and ads, pop ups, reels and "sponsored" content the internet is a vast library and source of inspiration which can be a powerful tool for positive transformational social change and support lifelong learning and personal growth.
When Facebook just started, my friends tried to convince me to get one. I was lazy and I didn't want to be pressured into anything. So I never got one. No Twitter. No Instagram. No Tik Tok. Don't see a point.
I have LinkedIn for work, Substack (replacing long-dead Livejournal) for reading/writing and Youtube for all other stuff. It is enough. I cannot possibly imagine having time for another social media network.
SOAPBOX :: I hope this is okay. It passed the litmus test I describe. Good luck with your experiment. This was a useful essay and thanks for sharing.
Not sure why so many self-immolate over SM in lieu of just understanding it better. Don't have it on my phone other than YouTube Music. Sure it is on my tablet. I mute the incessant talkers on Substack and that is a welcome respite. When something comes into our head (God forbid from looking at a phone), the split in our head is inevitable because we are sensory primitive beings first and our senses are just accumulators of noise. SM is a hack to get us to react without thinking via the parlor trick of overwhelming the senses. Of course that hurts and degrades you -- it is why you need to sleep after all for the cleanup on aisle 5 that results. Not meant to be preachy or Zen.
When I have the IMPULSE to speak (including mindless likes) the litmus test for me is (1) Does it NEED to be said? (2) Does it NEED to be said by ME? (3) Does it NEED to be said NOW? It is interesting how rarely all three are true.It is also helpful to realize that the consequence of us not resisting OUR primitive lizard brain is bad for others including those around us. Treat it like random shit in your peripheral vision and think about its consequences before engaging.
Had my phone use under control but like a little virus it’s creeped back in and now I check gmail, Twitter, instagram and Substack every 10 minutes in a circular pattern.
Slowly deleting each off my phone except Substack. Twitter was the first to go today.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH it's just dopamine addictions all the down..... Ugh. I mostly use social media in the early AM or late PM or or or wait I use it all the time. But I also used to carry books with me all the time or magazines to read because I can't stand being alone with my own thoughts and that's been true since before THE INTERNET WAS BORN.
Social Media used to be a lot more fun, I'll say that. Right now I will take Txitter breaks and when I come back its simply stunning how mean people are and how little news is actually there. FB, my feed at least, seems calm but boring and I see far less commenting than in the aughts, because of the whole range of emoji reactions you can put up as if a "laugh face" adequately relays my feelings on a topic.
Instagram is just...soft-core life porn for the most part because I hardly ever even see my friends posts, just sponcon chicken coop purveyors and folks who renovate tailored-to-me craftsman that I can't afford.
I do like that we comment and talk to each other (mostly) on Substack. It reminds me much more of the blogs of yore. Still, those were all free, and less of personal magazines or broadcast channels, and I felt like they were more mutual in general. But I'll take them over the other stuff because it's just...ungood.
The dopamine-burst-addiction-ish part is what's interesting to me right now. I'm confronted with it in several areas of my life and I think its because I never got diagnosed with ADHD (because in 70's you just didn't) and my brain seeks stimulation in ways that aren't healthy.
Oh, well, back to Txshttterrrrrr I guess. Wait. No.
I have a blocker that I use to block social media, allegedly to help me focus. I was really good and disciplined with it at first but even though it’s fancy and paid, it’s still easy to turn off. Lately my discipline has been uhhh non-existent and I’m constantly turning it off.
I know I’m supposed to be smarter and pause when I turn it off and really reflect on “hmmm, do I really wanna do this?” But my mind just zips right by that portion.
Brilliant idea. I have to heavily monitor my usage (even browser tabs nowadays) to get work done. And to not lose my ever-loving mind. Be prepared for more productivity and a more spacious brain.
Okay, in solidarity I’ll take social media off my phone too so I’m not triggering you but also freeing my mind from anxiety for two weeks (to start)
my plan is working
I am no longer a kid BUT I am on the autism spectrum and I think those Thomas’s are horrifying haha
hahahahahahahahah
Also I deleted TikTok once again thank you
I like to put my phone face-down on the table at the start of any in-person interactions. It lets the other person know it's okay to pay attention to here, now. I also feel morally superior, just rubbing in my self-discipline IN THE FACE!
"Forgive me father for I have scrolled." - stealing this one.
But why would you take it out of your bag/pocket in the first place?
Sometimes I don't, but putting it down like that makes a statement that leaving it unseen does not. To each their own!
True, true.
TBH, I think commiting to taking the apps off of your phone is the decision that makes a 100 smaller ones for you. Having to find a browser and/or log in is just enough friction that it's usually not worth it.
If you've suddenly become 60 and Facebook is one of the platforms you can't quit, try installing something like the Newsfeed Eradicator extension. It replaces your newsfeed with an inspirational quote. It also makes the platform extremely boring extremely fast. I don't miss FB at all--which is something I can't say about cigarettes.
hahah that's also very true - you do not miss social media the way you miss good drugs
also, i am very hooked such that the going to the browser is no problem for me
Do it. You will not regret it. I gave up social media in 2016 and am free. I won't even have Substack app on my phone because of the hook. It will be the best thing you ever do for yourself! Good luck
whoa. what's life outside of the bubble been like these last seven years?
I have no idea what's going on or what anyone's opinion is on anything and I have no friends. I'd say it's pretty great to be fair. I have a cool bubble of my own ha ha. Just like when you are about 7 years old and you exist in a world where there seem to be birds, insects, stones to throw in the river...... yep, pretty great
You rock!
That sounds like paradise.
Anyone who is building their own online presence is stuck with the socials.
Alex’s idea to keep it minimal sounds quite good though.
-I first got Internet on my phone in 2020, because I felt like no choice, folks will get angry with me for real, and I won't be able to do some important stuff(I was right)
-I still use the Internet on it only if sorely needed, if the app can be on my desktop it ends up on desktop
-I don't use Instagram, Twitter(or how it's called now), etc. Never did. I kinda hate FB so I use it sporadically, mostly for getting in touch
-I was taught to answer letters immeditately/next day, barring emergency. Then you write and apologize for not writing back sooner. Of course it was in the long gone days of real letters, long wait, running to that mailbox, returning with the treasure in your hands.
But I still think it's a good approach. Harder to do with messages yet one should strive to
-I think as some letters are important just the same to you, even if delivered differently-why not to look at them again? I do, I re-read. I love re-reading in general. books, letters, you name it.
-I still hate Internet-and I never stare or scroll on my phone as I said before
But it permeates our life too much. So I still use enough of it to hate it.
It's not that nothing good came out of it, I personally met many cool folks, for example. But maybe like in that movie with doors, I'd meet them anyway, "just differently"
-I think it was different order and questions but whatever
-I never was listening to what were Thomas and friends doing, "choo-choo" was enough for me. Brings back fond memories, thanks Alex. I'm a bit surprised the show is still going strong though lol
-good luck!
Subfeed question: Do you remember the time in your life BEFORE smartphones became the norm?
I am 35 years old. I remember crushing blackberries and the like through High School and into college, BUT THEN, in 2007, a random guy during my Sophomore Year said "Check out my new iPhone!" What the fuck was an iPhone? I laughed and said, "what a waste of money". This was the turning point, that I can recall, where everything changed, for me. Somewhere around 2007. The argument could be made it was prior to this, but this seemed to a good jumping off point where everything started to feed into the "new norm" of dipping your head into your phone all of the time.
Anyway, my point is that I can't really remember what I did (or didn't do), on a regular basis, before smartphones. How did we fill up our free time? Were we just watching television a lot more?
I remember pagers (would use numbers as letters for code text so you didn’t have to call, you could type out hello or I love you. then it was flip phones. Before that I was just a kid running the town with friends, maybe on a ten speed bike. mostly just walking everywhere
I definitely remember the bike part, but I was at the age that experienced the before and after as an older teenager, so it's just wild to think about. I remember playing snake on my bright orange Nokia :-)
was gonna come here and say Snake on nokia. that was the first game I ever played on a phone and still probably the best.
We are the same age. I got my first smartphone when I started working, after finishing my university. Never needed it before that. I had a phone with actual buttons, and everyone else laughed at me, and I laughed at everyone else. Didn't harm my social life, though.
I still didn't even get an iPhone until the iPhone 4, but I definitely remember loving my BlackBerry Bold with the full keyboard functionality.
Yeah, those were pretty cool. But I miss my Nokia 3310 most of all...
I did this in 2021 and it was brutal. Massively brutal. Probably because social media was my only connection to the real world while living at 7,500 feet elevation in the mountains. I saw humans at the grocery store maybe once a week.
I don’t recommend this, and yet, I know I’m not the same person after untethering myself from the pretend human’ing on social media.
Because of leaving social media, I know I can feel things more skillfully and can register what is poisoning me before I’ve gulped a gallon of it. That’s probably the only reason this is a worthwhile trial: to find out what is poisoning and what is nourishing. And what is illusion. (Probably all of it.)
Best of luck. ☀️
FWIW, my ideal world is the one where we all bring back the yearly family newsletter with fuzzy polaroids and long, winding descriptions of vacations and picnics and school achievements.
Remember those? The holiday christmas card stuffed fat with three pages of family details that you’d NEVER send to your old high school drama teacher. Why? Because like careless humans living life, you lost touch and that’s OK.
I want a yearly family newsletter from people whose address I care enough about to keep updated. I like that kind of simple life.
THE FAMILY NEWSLETTER
Bravo! We used to author those Christmas letters! About 12 years ago I disconnected from FB. I wrote a post about it way back. I likened FB to the NIGHTMARE of 365 days per year Christmas letters. Just silly. Once a year is about right :)
It's not the screen but what's on the screen that matters. Without the junk mail and ads, pop ups, reels and "sponsored" content the internet is a vast library and source of inspiration which can be a powerful tool for positive transformational social change and support lifelong learning and personal growth.
When Facebook just started, my friends tried to convince me to get one. I was lazy and I didn't want to be pressured into anything. So I never got one. No Twitter. No Instagram. No Tik Tok. Don't see a point.
I have LinkedIn for work, Substack (replacing long-dead Livejournal) for reading/writing and Youtube for all other stuff. It is enough. I cannot possibly imagine having time for another social media network.
what do you do with all your time. teach me
Mostly sit on my thumbs, thinking how smart I am. And it works great, letmetellya!
SOAPBOX :: I hope this is okay. It passed the litmus test I describe. Good luck with your experiment. This was a useful essay and thanks for sharing.
Not sure why so many self-immolate over SM in lieu of just understanding it better. Don't have it on my phone other than YouTube Music. Sure it is on my tablet. I mute the incessant talkers on Substack and that is a welcome respite. When something comes into our head (God forbid from looking at a phone), the split in our head is inevitable because we are sensory primitive beings first and our senses are just accumulators of noise. SM is a hack to get us to react without thinking via the parlor trick of overwhelming the senses. Of course that hurts and degrades you -- it is why you need to sleep after all for the cleanup on aisle 5 that results. Not meant to be preachy or Zen.
When I have the IMPULSE to speak (including mindless likes) the litmus test for me is (1) Does it NEED to be said? (2) Does it NEED to be said by ME? (3) Does it NEED to be said NOW? It is interesting how rarely all three are true.It is also helpful to realize that the consequence of us not resisting OUR primitive lizard brain is bad for others including those around us. Treat it like random shit in your peripheral vision and think about its consequences before engaging.
I’m so on board with this.
Had my phone use under control but like a little virus it’s creeped back in and now I check gmail, Twitter, instagram and Substack every 10 minutes in a circular pattern.
Slowly deleting each off my phone except Substack. Twitter was the first to go today.
do the rest do it fast like a bandaid
Deleted twitter and instagram yesterday
Gmail next once I get back home
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH it's just dopamine addictions all the down..... Ugh. I mostly use social media in the early AM or late PM or or or wait I use it all the time. But I also used to carry books with me all the time or magazines to read because I can't stand being alone with my own thoughts and that's been true since before THE INTERNET WAS BORN.
Social Media used to be a lot more fun, I'll say that. Right now I will take Txitter breaks and when I come back its simply stunning how mean people are and how little news is actually there. FB, my feed at least, seems calm but boring and I see far less commenting than in the aughts, because of the whole range of emoji reactions you can put up as if a "laugh face" adequately relays my feelings on a topic.
Instagram is just...soft-core life porn for the most part because I hardly ever even see my friends posts, just sponcon chicken coop purveyors and folks who renovate tailored-to-me craftsman that I can't afford.
I do like that we comment and talk to each other (mostly) on Substack. It reminds me much more of the blogs of yore. Still, those were all free, and less of personal magazines or broadcast channels, and I felt like they were more mutual in general. But I'll take them over the other stuff because it's just...ungood.
The dopamine-burst-addiction-ish part is what's interesting to me right now. I'm confronted with it in several areas of my life and I think its because I never got diagnosed with ADHD (because in 70's you just didn't) and my brain seeks stimulation in ways that aren't healthy.
Oh, well, back to Txshttterrrrrr I guess. Wait. No.
I have a blocker that I use to block social media, allegedly to help me focus. I was really good and disciplined with it at first but even though it’s fancy and paid, it’s still easy to turn off. Lately my discipline has been uhhh non-existent and I’m constantly turning it off.
I know I’m supposed to be smarter and pause when I turn it off and really reflect on “hmmm, do I really wanna do this?” But my mind just zips right by that portion.
Brilliant idea. I have to heavily monitor my usage (even browser tabs nowadays) to get work done. And to not lose my ever-loving mind. Be prepared for more productivity and a more spacious brain.