With kid #2, my wife threw in the towel and sat on his bean bag and read on her Kindle until the boy fell asleep. He got three stories read to him (or a chapter or whatever as he got older) and then she got to read whatever she wanted in peace in the dark.
She did this for 7 (?!!) years.
Now he falls asleep to YouTube like a normal person.
I remember thinking, "Will my daughter EVER be able to go to sleep without us having to read SO MANY STORIES to her?" You know how it goes...ONE MORE STORY again and again on endless repeat. It felt never-ending and then one day, she didn't want a story anymore and now she's 22 and sometimes I can't even believe any of that ever happened. Did we read to her? Every night? Who were those people? Who was that child? Where did my life go?
Get ready for when you put both kids in the same room and the older one jailbreaks the little one, aka unzips his sleepsack and teaches him to climb out of the crib. They might just take off all their clothes, and diaper of course, run around like maniacs, and do acrobatics on the crib while mooning the babycam. Or maybe that's just our kids..?
I don't remember engaging in much pre-bed BS as a kid. My dad would sing me a song about whiskey that had a big burp in the middle and I'd pass out. But MY kid, holy shit! He's 6. First there's his stuffed crab, "Crabby", that he can't sleep without. His 137 hotwheels have to sleep in a bin next to his bed. His metal safe, which contains $56 and some Golf 'N" Stuff tokens, is within reach on the floor. But I'm just putting off the most shameful part of the business... he has never once not once in his life gone to sleep alone. One of us lies there singing until he's out. We used to think this couldn't go on forever, but that was dumb. Trying to wean him off this routine is too exhausting to think about... all I can do is hope is that his future spouse will continue with it. Congratulations on the button.
you capture it all so perfectly, beautifully, poignantly - I'm transported. I can still feel myself lying on the hardwood floor next to the crib, waiting for her to fall asleep per the lying, bullshit "no cry sleep solution," 7 months pregnant with my son, like a fucking hostage.
it's all a blur, of course, and now she's in the process of getting college acceptances, wtf. [Insert universal parenting comment about time here.] When I think back to those days, I don't immediately come up with any particular kid/sleep stories, though there are zillions,
but I do remember one night when we were still co-sleeping. We'd moved up to MA from DC (long story obv) and were living in my in laws' house until we figured out our strategy (they were in florida). we had one of those routines where my daughter would breastfeed and then, every few hours, I'd say "switch" and Mark and I would climb over each other so she could access the other boob. Anyway!
That hellish routine was going on as usual, and we'd finally fallen back asleep, but then all of the sudden we heard a piercing ring. WTF!? We both jolted awake, and it was the old-timey vintage phone (you know, like Andy Griffith used? The black mouthpiece separate from the tall stem?) ringing (screaming) right next to me, where it had sat on the nightstand for years and years. In my delirium, I tried to answer it (with, like, zero muscle memory for such technology and under conditions of extreme sleep deprivation, obviously) but couldn't figure it out. And then, the next morning, we were both like "did that really happen?" but it did happen, we both knew it. And we looked at the old timey phone, and it was unplugged and lifeless, just as it had always been.
Our 2.5 yo sleeps in a folding wagon next to her bed every other night 😂 is starting to drop her lunch nap 😭 and makes my husband sit in the rocking chair in her room reading on his “candle” if she napped more than 45 minutes 😴 so we are right there with you on the S T R U G G L E B U S
Routines, habits, patterns, 4 kids in and oldest is 16, youngest is 4. My oldest started climbing out of crib at 18months ish so we turned crib to toddler bed. Camera monitor, turn lock on bedroom door around and lock from outside after 500 trips back to bed. I really enjoy your writing and how much humor is in the challenges of life and then you start adding little humans and you have to control them but you have no control over them, they end up running our lives.
My oldest sleeps in her own bed and room in a bunker made of pillows in a U shape, she needs a padded headboard cubicle!
Younger three children sleep between the two twin beds in the bedroom and the queen bed in our room. Other room was recently converted to a play room and may soon be switched back to another sleep room.
reading and prayers
bedtime music
snuggle time (used to set a snuggle timer 5)
Last night….
1 kid in twin bed—- mom snuggle
toddler in bed—- switched to snuggle
big kid in queen with dad- snuggle
wake up big kid to transfer into twin with little brother, he wakes up little brother
dad sleeps in twin bed
mom in queen with two kids
naps are invented
mom tired
dad tired
coffee
continue
but in the end, we only get this one life this one day each day to enjoy every minute, so snuggle up!!
I co-slept and breastfed 3 of 4 of mine from birth ♥️
our children just want to feel warm safe and loved 🥰
We tried the opposite strategy of switching Ellie to a toddler bed as early as possible in the hopes she wouldn't notice the bars of her crib were gone and she could now get out by herself. This actually worked for a few months. But once she noticed, she started getting up to go sleep on the couch in her room instead. 18 months later and that couch is now just her bed. We put sheets on it and everything. The toddler bed is a toy storage area. We've had a "no toys in bed" policy for awhile now, but that doesn't stop her from getting up to grab weird little beads and rocks and coins (which she calls "poins") from her treasure collection at night and putting them inside her pillowcase, because of course that's where they go. She also has about 35,000 stuffed animals and loves sleeping with ice packs and headache hats and a thing she calls a boo-boo ball that's like a roll-y massage ball you can keep in the freezer. Her favorite delay tactic for bedtime is explaining that she cannot lie down yet because she has to stand up because she's "trying to poop" which is something she can only do while standing, duh. Other favorites are "I'm cared I'm cared I'm cared" and "come look at the moon" and "I'm hungry." We have just accepted a 10 p.m. bedtime at this point.
My memory of my own childhood was I had a special blanket because I was a thumbsucker, and my parents would always read to me before I got into bed, and then once I was in bed, the two of them would stand at the foot of the bed and sing a song which I won't even try to remember because I will burst into tears if I do so. As far as I can remember this worked fine. For my own daughter, my husband and I from the moment of her birth (since I couldn't breast-feed) meant that we strictly divided the going to bed ritual and then attending to feeding or getting up with her in the night 50-50, we alternated every night. The routine was to read to her before she got into bed and then once into bed, we read her good night moon and then we will would leave her. The joke, however, it that for years she would call for "one last pat" So that meant before she actually went to sleep whoever was in charge, would go and stroke her back for a few minutes, several times.
The major problem with night time was that, she didn't sleep through the night until she was five. This was a combination of constant colds and ear infections and the fact that she didn't stay dry until she was five. This is before there were pull up diapers, so since she was perfectly potty trained during the day, she would no longer accept wearing diapers at night. But that meant when she wet the bed....every night...and wake up crying, whoever was in charge that night would have to get up and change the sheets. I don't know how we did this for five years without losing our minds, but then one night bam she stayed dry, and slept through the night from then on. That was so long ago that it now has the patina of loving nostalgia, but I'm sure at the time we were tired and very cranky.
My kid learned to climb out of his crib at 19 months. NINETEEN MONTHS. The reason this number sticks in my head is because it was traumatic (for us, not for him, the kid climbed out and landed on his feet and bounded out of his room, very pleased with himself for having broken the bonds of his wooden crib prison), not because I'm one of those parents who is/was super aware of how many months old their kid is.
Our first attempt to handle this situation was to literally sew the legs of his jammies together with a strip of fabric, so he couldn't pull one leg up and hook an ankle over the crib rail (I watched him climb out on the monitor so I felt like I had a handle on his strategy and could foil it). I spent 20 minutes hand-sewing these medieval torture jammies and it only took him 2 minutes to hoist himself out a totally different way (he still didn't fall).
So we gave up, replaced his crib with a full-size mattress on the floor, and put a child lock on the inside of his door. I don't remember the details of what happened after that but he did then and does now sleep with a pile of junk (books, magazines, toys, comics he's working on, he literally organizes them in his bed tent and then says things like "that [toy/book] is in Headquarters").
THE ICE. My god, if I'd known how much of my life would be taken up getting ice, arguing about getting ice, comforting the child because there is no ice, arguing about whether or not I am available to make ice at this very moment, explaining how long it takes to make ice, etc. etc. etc. to infinity!?!
Sleeping through this late stage capitalist end of the Anthropocene climate collapse war on women Christo-fascist hellscape is really hard and I could use some loving encouragement.
My son is 9 months. Cosleeping is hard but beautiful. I take pleasure in putting him to sleep even though that’s a fight too. I’m looking forward to the age when he’s like Wilder. I can’t believe one day he’ll actually be walking, and demanding things like he runs it. Thank you, Alex.
When our daughter (3 now) climbed out of the crib, we immediately got her out of there and got a toddler bed. Only the new bed would take a few weeks to arrive. So she slept on a mattress on the ground in her room for a little bit with one of us. She would roll and roll all over the room all night in her sleep. I'd wake up and she'd be on one side of the room. Hour later on the other. Wake up to a bump and she's up against the dresser. One time we just sat and watched her for a little while and she would just roll around like a crazy person in her sleep. It was a trip.
we have five kids ranging in age from 31 to 18. i barely remember the oldest ones being babies except for two noteworthy things.
when the biggies were 2, 1, and 0, i successfully put them down for naps together IN THE SAME ROOM every day. how did i even do that?
when baby #5 came along he required a substantial bedtime routine, culminating in him going to sleep lying with my arm under/behind his neck. i decided that i wanted to wean him off that so i made a heavy pillow that had an arm the size and shape of mine. we would lay the pillow next to him
and he would lie on the arm just like he did when it was my arm under there. worked like magic.
With kid #2, my wife threw in the towel and sat on his bean bag and read on her Kindle until the boy fell asleep. He got three stories read to him (or a chapter or whatever as he got older) and then she got to read whatever she wanted in peace in the dark.
She did this for 7 (?!!) years.
Now he falls asleep to YouTube like a normal person.
I remember thinking, "Will my daughter EVER be able to go to sleep without us having to read SO MANY STORIES to her?" You know how it goes...ONE MORE STORY again and again on endless repeat. It felt never-ending and then one day, she didn't want a story anymore and now she's 22 and sometimes I can't even believe any of that ever happened. Did we read to her? Every night? Who were those people? Who was that child? Where did my life go?
Get ready for when you put both kids in the same room and the older one jailbreaks the little one, aka unzips his sleepsack and teaches him to climb out of the crib. They might just take off all their clothes, and diaper of course, run around like maniacs, and do acrobatics on the crib while mooning the babycam. Or maybe that's just our kids..?
I don't remember engaging in much pre-bed BS as a kid. My dad would sing me a song about whiskey that had a big burp in the middle and I'd pass out. But MY kid, holy shit! He's 6. First there's his stuffed crab, "Crabby", that he can't sleep without. His 137 hotwheels have to sleep in a bin next to his bed. His metal safe, which contains $56 and some Golf 'N" Stuff tokens, is within reach on the floor. But I'm just putting off the most shameful part of the business... he has never once not once in his life gone to sleep alone. One of us lies there singing until he's out. We used to think this couldn't go on forever, but that was dumb. Trying to wean him off this routine is too exhausting to think about... all I can do is hope is that his future spouse will continue with it. Congratulations on the button.
I think "a monkey lovey named baby" will probably work for me for the rest of my life.
Yes, the green hot wheels provide a sense of security that the others just can’t match
you capture it all so perfectly, beautifully, poignantly - I'm transported. I can still feel myself lying on the hardwood floor next to the crib, waiting for her to fall asleep per the lying, bullshit "no cry sleep solution," 7 months pregnant with my son, like a fucking hostage.
it's all a blur, of course, and now she's in the process of getting college acceptances, wtf. [Insert universal parenting comment about time here.] When I think back to those days, I don't immediately come up with any particular kid/sleep stories, though there are zillions,
but I do remember one night when we were still co-sleeping. We'd moved up to MA from DC (long story obv) and were living in my in laws' house until we figured out our strategy (they were in florida). we had one of those routines where my daughter would breastfeed and then, every few hours, I'd say "switch" and Mark and I would climb over each other so she could access the other boob. Anyway!
That hellish routine was going on as usual, and we'd finally fallen back asleep, but then all of the sudden we heard a piercing ring. WTF!? We both jolted awake, and it was the old-timey vintage phone (you know, like Andy Griffith used? The black mouthpiece separate from the tall stem?) ringing (screaming) right next to me, where it had sat on the nightstand for years and years. In my delirium, I tried to answer it (with, like, zero muscle memory for such technology and under conditions of extreme sleep deprivation, obviously) but couldn't figure it out. And then, the next morning, we were both like "did that really happen?" but it did happen, we both knew it. And we looked at the old timey phone, and it was unplugged and lifeless, just as it had always been.
Our 2.5 yo sleeps in a folding wagon next to her bed every other night 😂 is starting to drop her lunch nap 😭 and makes my husband sit in the rocking chair in her room reading on his “candle” if she napped more than 45 minutes 😴 so we are right there with you on the S T R U G G L E B U S
Routines, habits, patterns, 4 kids in and oldest is 16, youngest is 4. My oldest started climbing out of crib at 18months ish so we turned crib to toddler bed. Camera monitor, turn lock on bedroom door around and lock from outside after 500 trips back to bed. I really enjoy your writing and how much humor is in the challenges of life and then you start adding little humans and you have to control them but you have no control over them, they end up running our lives.
My oldest sleeps in her own bed and room in a bunker made of pillows in a U shape, she needs a padded headboard cubicle!
Younger three children sleep between the two twin beds in the bedroom and the queen bed in our room. Other room was recently converted to a play room and may soon be switched back to another sleep room.
reading and prayers
bedtime music
snuggle time (used to set a snuggle timer 5)
Last night….
1 kid in twin bed—- mom snuggle
toddler in bed—- switched to snuggle
big kid in queen with dad- snuggle
wake up big kid to transfer into twin with little brother, he wakes up little brother
dad sleeps in twin bed
mom in queen with two kids
naps are invented
mom tired
dad tired
coffee
continue
but in the end, we only get this one life this one day each day to enjoy every minute, so snuggle up!!
I co-slept and breastfed 3 of 4 of mine from birth ♥️
our children just want to feel warm safe and loved 🥰
We tried the opposite strategy of switching Ellie to a toddler bed as early as possible in the hopes she wouldn't notice the bars of her crib were gone and she could now get out by herself. This actually worked for a few months. But once she noticed, she started getting up to go sleep on the couch in her room instead. 18 months later and that couch is now just her bed. We put sheets on it and everything. The toddler bed is a toy storage area. We've had a "no toys in bed" policy for awhile now, but that doesn't stop her from getting up to grab weird little beads and rocks and coins (which she calls "poins") from her treasure collection at night and putting them inside her pillowcase, because of course that's where they go. She also has about 35,000 stuffed animals and loves sleeping with ice packs and headache hats and a thing she calls a boo-boo ball that's like a roll-y massage ball you can keep in the freezer. Her favorite delay tactic for bedtime is explaining that she cannot lie down yet because she has to stand up because she's "trying to poop" which is something she can only do while standing, duh. Other favorites are "I'm cared I'm cared I'm cared" and "come look at the moon" and "I'm hungry." We have just accepted a 10 p.m. bedtime at this point.
My memory of my own childhood was I had a special blanket because I was a thumbsucker, and my parents would always read to me before I got into bed, and then once I was in bed, the two of them would stand at the foot of the bed and sing a song which I won't even try to remember because I will burst into tears if I do so. As far as I can remember this worked fine. For my own daughter, my husband and I from the moment of her birth (since I couldn't breast-feed) meant that we strictly divided the going to bed ritual and then attending to feeding or getting up with her in the night 50-50, we alternated every night. The routine was to read to her before she got into bed and then once into bed, we read her good night moon and then we will would leave her. The joke, however, it that for years she would call for "one last pat" So that meant before she actually went to sleep whoever was in charge, would go and stroke her back for a few minutes, several times.
The major problem with night time was that, she didn't sleep through the night until she was five. This was a combination of constant colds and ear infections and the fact that she didn't stay dry until she was five. This is before there were pull up diapers, so since she was perfectly potty trained during the day, she would no longer accept wearing diapers at night. But that meant when she wet the bed....every night...and wake up crying, whoever was in charge that night would have to get up and change the sheets. I don't know how we did this for five years without losing our minds, but then one night bam she stayed dry, and slept through the night from then on. That was so long ago that it now has the patina of loving nostalgia, but I'm sure at the time we were tired and very cranky.
My kid learned to climb out of his crib at 19 months. NINETEEN MONTHS. The reason this number sticks in my head is because it was traumatic (for us, not for him, the kid climbed out and landed on his feet and bounded out of his room, very pleased with himself for having broken the bonds of his wooden crib prison), not because I'm one of those parents who is/was super aware of how many months old their kid is.
Our first attempt to handle this situation was to literally sew the legs of his jammies together with a strip of fabric, so he couldn't pull one leg up and hook an ankle over the crib rail (I watched him climb out on the monitor so I felt like I had a handle on his strategy and could foil it). I spent 20 minutes hand-sewing these medieval torture jammies and it only took him 2 minutes to hoist himself out a totally different way (he still didn't fall).
So we gave up, replaced his crib with a full-size mattress on the floor, and put a child lock on the inside of his door. I don't remember the details of what happened after that but he did then and does now sleep with a pile of junk (books, magazines, toys, comics he's working on, he literally organizes them in his bed tent and then says things like "that [toy/book] is in Headquarters").
THE ICE. My god, if I'd known how much of my life would be taken up getting ice, arguing about getting ice, comforting the child because there is no ice, arguing about whether or not I am available to make ice at this very moment, explaining how long it takes to make ice, etc. etc. etc. to infinity!?!
I really want my own green button…
Sleeping through this late stage capitalist end of the Anthropocene climate collapse war on women Christo-fascist hellscape is really hard and I could use some loving encouragement.
My son is 9 months. Cosleeping is hard but beautiful. I take pleasure in putting him to sleep even though that’s a fight too. I’m looking forward to the age when he’s like Wilder. I can’t believe one day he’ll actually be walking, and demanding things like he runs it. Thank you, Alex.
When our daughter (3 now) climbed out of the crib, we immediately got her out of there and got a toddler bed. Only the new bed would take a few weeks to arrive. So she slept on a mattress on the ground in her room for a little bit with one of us. She would roll and roll all over the room all night in her sleep. I'd wake up and she'd be on one side of the room. Hour later on the other. Wake up to a bump and she's up against the dresser. One time we just sat and watched her for a little while and she would just roll around like a crazy person in her sleep. It was a trip.
we have five kids ranging in age from 31 to 18. i barely remember the oldest ones being babies except for two noteworthy things.
when the biggies were 2, 1, and 0, i successfully put them down for naps together IN THE SAME ROOM every day. how did i even do that?
when baby #5 came along he required a substantial bedtime routine, culminating in him going to sleep lying with my arm under/behind his neck. i decided that i wanted to wean him off that so i made a heavy pillow that had an arm the size and shape of mine. we would lay the pillow next to him
and he would lie on the arm just like he did when it was my arm under there. worked like magic.