35 Comments
founding

Welp, this is so on the nose it's a punch on the nose. When I was 22 (many years ago) I went to acting school and the director of the program told me my type was "fancy, middle-aged housewife." I was so offended I quit. And then I woke up last summer and realized with a jolt HOLY SHIT I AM A MIDDLE AGED HOUSEWIFE! MY TIME HAS COME! There's a lot of work out there for us, honestly. I'm waiting to book the patient partner in an erectile dysfunction bit so I can put the kids through college.

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I barely remember this but I'm pretty sure I sent in an audition tape to be Harry Potter and don't think I even made an attempt at a British accent.

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u should be asking WHEN IS SUBBYSTAX GONNA LET US UPLOAD PIX IN THESE DAMN THERE COMMENTS

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200 S La Brea...the pits! I took a swing at commercial acting, years ago, when I first moved to L.A. (classic, I know), and I would have to drive from WeHo to Ocean Park Casting, in Santa Monica, and then all the way to 200 S La Brea, back-to-back. I gotta admit...I do not miss that!

I once auditioned for a Little Caesar's Commercial, and they had us ad-lib everything. My partner and I came up with a fun little routine and they loved it. They asked us to come back the next day. When we arrived, the Director and Producer were there and they said "okay, do it EXACTLY how you did it yesterday please." We did it. We nailed it. Some would say CRUSHED it. Huge applause, and the first thought in my head was "you're going to book this!".

Never heard back, of course. BUT, I did happen to see the commercial a million times on TV with two other actors doing the exact routine we came up with, haha! Welcome to Hollywood, baby.

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lol Alex. Nice stuff. I auditioned for a very pretentious theatre company once in Paris called THE THEATRE OF CHAOS ahah. And we were going 5 by 5 and had to be 'water, fire, wind, trees' .... Believe it or not I got the audition and was thus a member of THE CHAOS SQUAD for a while.

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I have never eaten at Pizza Hut but now I absolutely NEVER WILL. Down with Pizza Hut because clearly they do not know a good thing when they see it.

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So Pizza Hut doesn't normally taste like Italy?

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1. Yep. I used to audition a lot, but in New York, where if you fall on your face, it's in snow.

2. The only commercial audition I remember was for spaghetti sauce. I did a ridiculous Italian accent, and didn't get the work.

3. That's what I do at my Substack. I'd rather read the inside of YOUR brain on your Substack!

4. You could ask, "What's the capital of Montana?"

5. I really liked this post.

6. I'm sure there's a part of Italy that Pizza Hut tastes like.

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I have not auditioned for anything since I was 16 after the theater teacher said she was giving the lead two roles to the other people because "they're a couple, wouldn't it be great for them?"

Mike Sowden sent me this piece. I may never forgive him because now I have to subscribe. If only to be reminded that I'm often grateful I only wanted to torture myself with being a writer and didn't feel an urge to pile acting on top of it.

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1. Yep, my favorite is when the commercial has no lines so they ask you to say something that shows "your personality" and you DID NOT PREPARE A PERSONALITY TO SHOW.

2. Quirky Girl - same as wacky guy but with the caveat "Pretty, but not a model"

3. Only weird shit in here

4. Why was the SIMS not wrong when you choose entertainer as a career and you have to spend hours in the mirror working on your confidence?

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At least it's not Frightened Inmate Number Two!

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In 2003, I auditioned for a Taco Bell commercial. The concept was that a guy would pretend to be a squirrel and steal his friend's TACO LOCO BURRRRRITO (or something like that), take it up into a tree, and eat it there.

They handed me a cardboard tube from a toilet paper roll and said, "show us how you'd eat this." I did my best miming. Summoned the spirit of Viola Spolin and used all my Groundlings training.

I didn't get the part.

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This reminds me of doing showcase shows for label execs in my old band like 20+ years ago. We’d rent a practice space in L.A. for like an hour and set up as if we were playing a show for hundreds or thousands of people. Except across from us there was a small set of bleachers and we’d perform for people who would sit there and lean over and chat with each other WHILE WE WERE PLAYING LOUD ASS MUSIC LIKE WITH DISTORTED GUITARS ARE EVERYTHING. They were clearly waiting to hear something for us that might have a chance at being a radio-friendly hit we could all get rich off of, but of course, they would probably all get richer than us. Then they would leave and another batch of people would come in and we’d do it all over again like performing monkeys. It was weird. We did end up getting a deal, though, so that was cool.

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not for a commercial but i did try to audition for disneyland once and idk what i was thinking because i was NOT FIT and they asked us to do like 100 jumping jacks and I died at like the second jack

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I once auditioned for a rap musical version of Othello and they said they hated my hair.

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Oh gosh, this brought back memories of the early 90's (pre GPS= Thomas Guide) with audition at Warner Bros (but you couldn't park on the lot) and after finally finding a parking space and running to make call time, finding the right audition room and facing a room full of people who didn't seem fazed in the least by these hurdles, I knew I wasn't cut out for it.

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