To those who think (or, dare I say, say): oh he’s become *that writer “... Well, have we become “that reader”? Even tho I’m a childless cat lady who doesn’t actively clamber for parental columns, any fodder is good fodder especially if written by a talented fodder such as yourself (<—that was a solid Dobrenko, no?) I don’t need to OMGSAME everything I read, nor should I. Nor should you? Our canoes don’t have to match. The river’s the thing.
I don't have children but I was one a very long time ago, and I love your stories about your kids, your grandfather, your wife, your parents, all of it. Don't ever stop. Your writing is a gift.
I think a lot of people don't comment positively because they don't know what it means to put yourself out there and hope for comments. Negative people have no compunction about being flagrantly negative (perhaps they enjoy it?) but kind, loving people just living their lives — even when we literally ask for feedback (as you do, in the best way possible) — probably a) think "I don't have anything clever to say anyway" b) don't even know about that heart button (I mean, I also get a whole bunch of emails when I post things and I'm like, can you at least click the heart? But also who cares?) or c) any one of 9 million other reasons I can't fathom b/c I'm a commenter. :)
I have noticed that a lot of commenters on Substack have their own Substacks, and that makes sense. Like am I going to throw in my opinion at the American Kennel Club dog show? I'd have no clue what to say. That looks exactly like my two labradors, I cannot see the fucking difference but that was fun to watch?
Negative feedback is just ego-stroking by the troll or the "friend" who "just wants to help." If criticism isn't genuinely framed to help the writer, ignore it! I've been an editor for 40 years and I have two rules: 1. Praise. 2. Ask questions. I should probably add 3. Stop there unless the author wants to brainstorm a question with you.
Re. Lorrie Moore, I have long loved her writing. And for a long time I wanted to write like her. I fantasized about people praising my writing the way they do hers.
And all that did was block me from writing. I really only started to write well (or at least, write things that I enjoyed writing and wanted other people to read) when I accepted that I should stop trying to write like her and start trying to write like me, which of course is not remotely as artistic or as rich or as clever as her writing but at least I am writing.
This was a stunner, and brought me feelings of nostalgia, warmth, love, recognition. What else could you ask from writing? Please keep going with writing about all the things, the dad thing included.
Watching your somewhat meandering live in the library, I was obsessed by an image you evoked. You said something about how intense the experience was for you, and by how many of us were there. You said, you'd go back home and there would be only one Lauren and how you would be like, "why aren't there 85 Laurens here?" I would love you to write the image of that. And it's connected to today's piece, this longing for the throng, the numbers... isn't it?
I absolutely LOVED reading about your car and grandfather. And you keep writing about "the dad" thing, OK? Because evidently I love reading about that shit and enjoy every rambling thought you write :-)
Oh the nuzzle, oh the difficulty in not paying attention to what other people think, and oh how I love your family pieces, and your insecurity pieces. And the universe syncing us up because as I read this I had just gotten off a zoom call where six of us shared on what hope meant to us and what helped us maintain hope...where my favorite was the person who said humor is what helped her maintain hope.
Love, love, love this! And thanks for sharing about Lorrie Moore, who I absolutely need to look up. How do I not know about her writing? I love everything about this piece, and please never stop with the dad stuff. It’s so pure and honest and vulnerable, which takes guts.
As I commented on your Grandpa piece, your family stuff is what propelled me to subscribe to Both are True in the first place. Mr. Dad Comment is but one guy... probably a clueless 18-year old with no idea what real life is like. You're the master of speaking in your one true voice, and you have to keep doing it.
V beautiful, v lovely, v FLOWY (which my fave English teacher said isn’t a way to describe writing but there I said it!!!!)
To those who think (or, dare I say, say): oh he’s become *that writer “... Well, have we become “that reader”? Even tho I’m a childless cat lady who doesn’t actively clamber for parental columns, any fodder is good fodder especially if written by a talented fodder such as yourself (<—that was a solid Dobrenko, no?) I don’t need to OMGSAME everything I read, nor should I. Nor should you? Our canoes don’t have to match. The river’s the thing.
The river's the thing. 💗
I don't have children but I was one a very long time ago, and I love your stories about your kids, your grandfather, your wife, your parents, all of it. Don't ever stop. Your writing is a gift.
I think a lot of people don't comment positively because they don't know what it means to put yourself out there and hope for comments. Negative people have no compunction about being flagrantly negative (perhaps they enjoy it?) but kind, loving people just living their lives — even when we literally ask for feedback (as you do, in the best way possible) — probably a) think "I don't have anything clever to say anyway" b) don't even know about that heart button (I mean, I also get a whole bunch of emails when I post things and I'm like, can you at least click the heart? But also who cares?) or c) any one of 9 million other reasons I can't fathom b/c I'm a commenter. :)
I have noticed that a lot of commenters on Substack have their own Substacks, and that makes sense. Like am I going to throw in my opinion at the American Kennel Club dog show? I'd have no clue what to say. That looks exactly like my two labradors, I cannot see the fucking difference but that was fun to watch?
Negative feedback is just ego-stroking by the troll or the "friend" who "just wants to help." If criticism isn't genuinely framed to help the writer, ignore it! I've been an editor for 40 years and I have two rules: 1. Praise. 2. Ask questions. I should probably add 3. Stop there unless the author wants to brainstorm a question with you.
YES! EXACTLY PERFECT.
Re. Lorrie Moore, I have long loved her writing. And for a long time I wanted to write like her. I fantasized about people praising my writing the way they do hers.
And all that did was block me from writing. I really only started to write well (or at least, write things that I enjoyed writing and wanted other people to read) when I accepted that I should stop trying to write like her and start trying to write like me, which of course is not remotely as artistic or as rich or as clever as her writing but at least I am writing.
This was a stunner, and brought me feelings of nostalgia, warmth, love, recognition. What else could you ask from writing? Please keep going with writing about all the things, the dad thing included.
Watching your somewhat meandering live in the library, I was obsessed by an image you evoked. You said something about how intense the experience was for you, and by how many of us were there. You said, you'd go back home and there would be only one Lauren and how you would be like, "why aren't there 85 Laurens here?" I would love you to write the image of that. And it's connected to today's piece, this longing for the throng, the numbers... isn't it?
I enjoyed reading this piece intensely. ☺️
I have little to say here except that this was stunningly beautiful. One of my favorites of yours.
I absolutely LOVED reading about your car and grandfather. And you keep writing about "the dad" thing, OK? Because evidently I love reading about that shit and enjoy every rambling thought you write :-)
You’re a dad? ;) Ha kidding, I mean I was basically originally here for all the cracking good Wilder content, if that softens your jaw a bit?! ❤️🤘🏼
good one. I love the “dad” thing; I mean how many guys actually write this stuff?!
Oh the nuzzle, oh the difficulty in not paying attention to what other people think, and oh how I love your family pieces, and your insecurity pieces. And the universe syncing us up because as I read this I had just gotten off a zoom call where six of us shared on what hope meant to us and what helped us maintain hope...where my favorite was the person who said humor is what helped her maintain hope.
yes. yes yes yes. thank you.
Love, love, love this! And thanks for sharing about Lorrie Moore, who I absolutely need to look up. How do I not know about her writing? I love everything about this piece, and please never stop with the dad stuff. It’s so pure and honest and vulnerable, which takes guts.
As I commented on your Grandpa piece, your family stuff is what propelled me to subscribe to Both are True in the first place. Mr. Dad Comment is but one guy... probably a clueless 18-year old with no idea what real life is like. You're the master of speaking in your one true voice, and you have to keep doing it.