23 Comments

I've pooped my pants enough times since giving birth to my son that it's no longer the salacious, shameful event it used to be. (Pelvic floor, who's she?) His 22 month streak of nothing but pants-poops has also normalized it a bit. They don't tell you this is an arena RIPE for bonding with your baby!

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The pelvic floor?? I hardly know her!

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You've raised the bar on the substack genre yet again.

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When they write the book on genre bending trailblazers they’ll put me on the cover

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I never understood why sleepovers were considered normal, and I was born here. It's especially fascinating to me now, when certain people claim that America is full of pedophiles trying to groom our children. Does it then make sense to send your child to sleep at a friend's house when you know virtually nothing about the friend's parents?

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Sure! Let’s see: there was the time on the ski lift, with three other people, two who I didn’t know, at the beginning of the ride. The there was the time in the taxi after a four-bratwurst orgy; got kicked out for that one. Then there was the party in Boston where someone was throwing up in the only bathroom for so long that I finally had to abandon my girlfriend and sprint to my car and not make it back in time. The shame of walking into my apartment, where my roommates were stoned on the couch, take a weird 10 pm shower, and then go back to my car armed with cleaning supplies will haunt me forever.

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This is all classic lasagna

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Worse than pants, I pooped in the pool when I was about 7. I was all the way at the far end of the pool, the furthest possible spot from the bathrooms. This was a country club sort of pool so, of course, the whole thing had to be cleared, I was shamed to no end (early 80s), and, yeah. That happened.

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The sleepovers thing really got me. Are sleepovers a purely American thing? My non-American parents were always super skeptical of letting us sleep over anyone else's house.

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There’s something very American about sleepovers. I don’t know what but I know it’s true

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1. I'm sorry - even though I too was seven, I still don't want to talk about it.

2. I'm constantly surprised by America. I've certainly learned that most of this country sure ain't New York City or L.A., my two favorite places to live.

5. Hi, Alex. It's still Friday.

I can give you all the advice you want - after all, I'm not using it.

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Especially like number 5. The land of opportunity to disappoint your parents. You got that one spot on.

I pooped my pants when I was 2, in pre-school. Never forgotten the embarrassment. I remember the squishy feeling as I walked to the front door, and hoped nobody would ever know.

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Squishy

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Love this. Yes I’ve pooped in my pants— as an adult!! We just returned from Italy and I was so excited to put my clothes in a dryer and sit on a toilet seat again.

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Hahha

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dear alex

you are great and this is very funny:

"They say if you want advice, ask for money.

If you want money, ask for advice.

I need advice. Lots of advice."

thank you for sharing!

love

myq

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a) emm no I didn't. Yet. Never say never

b) too long so I'm not even starting; but I strongly agree with you on a couple

( and yeah there is this old prejudice -or was-against sleeping on the floor mostly because of the fear one will catch a cold. I did have sleepovers in Ukraine I mean USSR

though)

what letter is this) I can give you tons of advice completely selflessly lol

thanks seriously-I enjoyed the post

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Wait gimme advice

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I’m a morning person- at night I usually can’t advise even myself, here I remembered your essay about weed, for some ideas do seem brilliant, depending on a strain,-but I started hating myself and quit. ‘twas long ago. Specific question would make me focused though. I live to serve and all that

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Pfffffft, speak for yourself! Other than that time I pooped my pants, I've never pooped my pants.

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lol

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I have never pooped my... Woah... Ah, dammit.

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As a nurse, I can confirm this absolute truth: everyone poops. If you don't, I will make you poop, because if you don't poop, you will literally die. I have said the words: 'don't worry, everyone poops their pants sometimes" to both adults and children so many times. Poo truly is the grand unifying force of the world.

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