Alex, this was funny and beautiful. Lauren is amazing for letting you take those pics. “The bad guy who criticizes everything about your partner so he doesn’t have to criticize you.” I think you nailed it there. My husband and I have been married since 2005 and dating since 99. We love each other much, enjoy each other so much and sometimes are pulling our hair out at how differently we see or don’t see things. Marriage is a long conversation, and we are learning to be really good listeners.
Thanks. Sometimes it is beautiful. Sometimes there’s a lot of translation. 😂 I wrote about inner monsters this week. I referenced you and Crit if you want to check it out. 😊
I haven't finished reading this piece yet. Actually, I just started. But I had to comment about that mask of Lauren's because Christina got the same mask "from the internet," and it freaks me out!
My wife says she got it on Amazon. But don’t feel like you have to buy it. Chances are it’ll be collecting dust by the time the next skin care trend hits.
yeah fly rods go thru the same boom and bust one day graphite and waders are all the rage next few years they are layin on top of yard sale heaps cheap as hmmmmmmm
dont you see - we tried burying it in the backyard in 1831. It came back. Every year since we try burying it and every year it returns.
Am I having fun????? I mean, damn that's a hard question. My gut answer was 'not really...' lol is that bad? I feel like I'm too stressed to have fun. Fun? In this economy? But like sorta actually ? I have my day job and then BAT and then a lil kid and family. There are certainly fun moments but the overall tenor of things....is stress. How does one...have fun?
“Though we can’t always accept ourselves, we can accept each other, and in so doing, enter the kingdom of co-dependent heaven.” Lol. Also, coming in just ahead of that line is the Baldwin quote! What a beaut. I have to say, clearing throat make way for some in their forties, I’m starting to realize just how much work I need to do as a communicator. Talk about wowsies, this one hurts. Still fun, still so happy about my choice but man do I have some serious growth areas, made apparent to me when middle-age peeled back the wool from my eyes. Sobering! But also, hey at least there’s so much to live for now because I have SO MUCH work to do 😅 I bow to how many ways you have to describe a single mask. Hilarious post and yo baby mama sounds divine. Happy for you two 👯♀️
hahahah omg so it gets WORSE ? Great. But I mean, ya, I guess that's the point. It's an action a verb blah blah. When you say 'middle-age peeled back the wool from my eyes' what does that mean? Like what does middle-age specifically do in terms of the peeling back?
I don’t know if it happens for everyone but all the patterns start to reveal themselves more and the defenses you put on to get through young adulthood start to feel like armor. And then your heart/mind go: “ok, what do we want to take along with us for the next half....? Cuz this shit’s heavy...” There’s a natural clarity that arises (I think) and it’s easier to find a gap between your habitual bs and the rest of you. “Oh, wait. I don’t need this anymore...?” Or: “Oh, I should have actually listened to all those elders forever ago...? Hmmm...” You can either deal with this with the red sports car cliches, or make some internal changes and let go of some stuff: bad habits, past hurts, etc etc
I have a screenshot of this mask. But because I want it but because I want everyone I met to experience the horror of seeing it. And that’s just on the screen. I can’t imagine how it looks in person!
You guys have such a lovely love story. You inspired me to write mine. I haven’t finished anything this week but you’ll see it soon. 💖
😂 I 💯 would rather listen to you read them than Siri, which is my only other option. Because I definitely don’t have time to read things with my actual eyeballs anymore. (That is a me problem for sure, but your narration does help!)
The next time she breaks out that mask you should secretly set up a camera for some long-exposure shots, then leave prints of them for her to find in unexpected places. Though, I guess any place you find a surprise picture of a disembodied wraith drifting through your house, it's going to be pretty unexpected.
she got way ahead of me on this one and just started putting photos of her in the mask all over the house. I think this is the beginning or perhaps end of a takeover
2. Round here, apparently, hair dye... Amazon delivered only this morning a boxed preparation labelled 'Just for Men Control GX Grey Reducing Shampoo' for someone of this household who REALLY DOESN'T NEED IT BECAUSE HE'S GORGEOUS.
5. Hi to you, too. Can I tell you a secret? I entirely MISSED the mask side of the first picture in the post because I was too busy squealing 'ALEX IS LEFT-HAAAAAAAAANDED!' 🙌 ALL the best people are left-handed! (with apologies for my Latin prowess, and no offence to the dextrous out there, but Alex and I are Team Sinister!)
of course you are part of the lefties club! We are the best and the rest of the world isn't ready to face it. In the USSR they used to make everyone righties - that's how scared of us they were.
were beanie babies a thing where you grew up?
The first and only beanie baby I ever got was Lefty - https://www.ebay.com/itm/155471462249 - Only very recently I learned that his entire existence was political propaganda for those good for nothing snowflake liberals
Yeah, we had Beanie Babies here too, for a bit, but rather late for my time, I'm afraid. Lefty the donkey is HILARIOUS - although indeed more of a political statement than any nod towards inclusivity for our very special 10-ish percent of the population!
He wasn't in the USSR, but my left-handed late father-in-law was made to write with his right hand at school - I gather that was pretty common here in the mid-century. So horrid of them to make him do that.
Love the newsletter. I wrote a thing about long haul marriage, the next stage may look like this:
"There is no fairy tale, just an imperfect life with imperfect people. Two opposed ideas, every single regular, boring, infuriating day. Every day filled with the everyday that turns into 30 years and somehow feels like happiness."
I've been married for 25 years! Every day we decide to stay. Otherwise we wouldn't be here.
Recently my new age older man has had a major back issue. It has brought up many gremlins (aka fears). Suddenly I am married to an old man with a back problem who can't wash or dry his own feet! Fuck! What was I thinking? My mum kindly reminds me that I shouldn't have married an older man. (que eye roll).
But the masks we show to others have long been forgotten between us. So we accept each other warts and all. Or at least turn a blind eye. Well most of the time... except when I am chin wagging with a friend and we have a sly laugh at his expense... Not that I don't love him cos I DO DO DO... But man... socks with sandals???
Anyway I read that you're not sure you're having much fun somewhere amongst the chit chat in this thread... that life is economically stressful.... I've been there and the last few months has shown me that we don't have much control over these things anyway. 3 weeks of not working soon drained our back up stash. Still it did mean I got my act together and finally published my substack account after 4 months of perfectionisation!
We think we do have control of these things but we don't. We are led to believe we do. All that work harder or work smarter... work ethic BS does my head in... make your money work for you... blah blah blah... And I have done loads of personal developemnt shit. Am I any richer?? Nope!
But the happiest years of my life were when I had the least money :) It seems like the more I have the more scared I am of losing it. And when I lost my son and brother in separate road crashes I certainly found out what was important. The only thing that was important! Being with my family. So enjoy them. Value them. Smother them with love and you will be a happy man.
Much love to you and thanks so much for making me laugh!!!
1. In the final act of your Romcom I'm guessing the mask is the antagonist. But does Lauren learn in the end that she doesn't need the mask and hubby will suffice?
2. Hubby and I are way over 40. When the kids went away to college I wanted to print a T-Shirt, "Every night is date night when you're an empty nester." Now I tell empty nester mamas, If you don't already have a thriving career, start a substack. Get busy volunteering. Otherwise you will pine for your kids and eat oreos again. I was this close to secretly staying in Miami (kids went to U Miami) and work as the cafeteria lady so I could keep an eye on them. (Another TV series idea that didn't come to fruition.) You and Lauren will unsubscribe to the hundreds of holiday card making companies. The best attribute of your holiday card is showing off the kids and your hot wife. No one wants to see a balding hubby and his hot wife-- because of hot flashes. To see more of what your future looks like, subscribe to my stack. Hubby is a prominent feature. We knew a gal who divorced because of our cute relationship. She told me so. Glad we were the impetus for her to quit her sucky marriage.
3. Don't suddenly friend a high school sweetheart on FB. Guys can be really stupid that way. Let wifey put the kibosh on fried dough for dessert, even if you're traveling. The teenage years will test your marriage and your cool factor. Accept the fact that you're embarrassing. When my daughter was 12 and saw how teenagers (girls especially) treated their parents, she apologized to me ahead of time.
4. Make friends with the devil. Happy wifey = happy lifey.
hahaha omg this was perhaps comment of the day. I have so many follow ups.
"We knew a gal who divorced because of our cute relationship. She told me so. Glad we were the impetus for her to quit her sucky marriage." Can you explain?
"The teenage years will test your marriage and your cool factor." - can you provide more detail???
Alex, this was funny and beautiful. Lauren is amazing for letting you take those pics. “The bad guy who criticizes everything about your partner so he doesn’t have to criticize you.” I think you nailed it there. My husband and I have been married since 2005 and dating since 99. We love each other much, enjoy each other so much and sometimes are pulling our hair out at how differently we see or don’t see things. Marriage is a long conversation, and we are learning to be really good listeners.
Marriage is a long conversation, and we are learning to be really good listeners.
this is very wise and also quite beautiful
Thanks. Sometimes it is beautiful. Sometimes there’s a lot of translation. 😂 I wrote about inner monsters this week. I referenced you and Crit if you want to check it out. 😊
oh dang gonna go look now!
I haven't finished reading this piece yet. Actually, I just started. But I had to comment about that mask of Lauren's because Christina got the same mask "from the internet," and it freaks me out!
It feels like everyone's getting this mask I feel behind I need to get the mask where do I buy it
My wife says she got it on Amazon. But don’t feel like you have to buy it. Chances are it’ll be collecting dust by the time the next skin care trend hits.
yeah fly rods go thru the same boom and bust one day graphite and waders are all the rage next few years they are layin on top of yard sale heaps cheap as hmmmmmmm
noxema?
And ball bearings. Everything was once ball bearings.
nowyer just YRYING to fuck with my head haha
and besides i was almost ready to offer you a bit role in "Crit: It Came From Within"
perhaps as an admissions doctor at st. Veryelsewhere of tha Head
and soon all shall return to ball bearings
1. I feel fantastic after binging all three chapters of your RLRomcom in one sitting. You two are cute AF.
2. I'm in my 40s, married for 18 years, two kiddos, and still having fun. Are you still having fun?
3. If the answer to the question in 2. is yes, then you're already doing everything right. IMO.
4. I'd suggest burying the mask in the backyard, but something tells me it would come back... stronger.
5. Hello!
dont you see - we tried burying it in the backyard in 1831. It came back. Every year since we try burying it and every year it returns.
Am I having fun????? I mean, damn that's a hard question. My gut answer was 'not really...' lol is that bad? I feel like I'm too stressed to have fun. Fun? In this economy? But like sorta actually ? I have my day job and then BAT and then a lil kid and family. There are certainly fun moments but the overall tenor of things....is stress. How does one...have fun?
Man, I HATE it when Satan attacks my marriage. Like I don't have enough things to do already!
THATS actually a riot true fact
least satan could do is check my calendar first to find a good time but NOOOO
Next stage: You must play Cliff Richard’s “Devil Woman” three times whilst moving in a circle around said former angelic wife! It works!
it did not work. now lauren is just mad i keep playing the same song
*shrugs* nothing ventured, nothing gained
Dude - I enjoyed everything about this piece! It was funny and touching, and I can’t stand romcoms! I feel good (I knew that I would)
2. I could tell you, but then Lauren’s mask would have to kill you.
3. See answer #2.
4. I’ve been married for 43 years and I haven’t figured that one out yet.
5. pryvit.
43 years?! Surely you must know ONE thing?
I know one incantation for casting the devil out of one's wife. It goes like this:
"I was wrong. I'm sorry."
You must chant this at every opportunity. Then you have to wait.
“Though we can’t always accept ourselves, we can accept each other, and in so doing, enter the kingdom of co-dependent heaven.” Lol. Also, coming in just ahead of that line is the Baldwin quote! What a beaut. I have to say, clearing throat make way for some in their forties, I’m starting to realize just how much work I need to do as a communicator. Talk about wowsies, this one hurts. Still fun, still so happy about my choice but man do I have some serious growth areas, made apparent to me when middle-age peeled back the wool from my eyes. Sobering! But also, hey at least there’s so much to live for now because I have SO MUCH work to do 😅 I bow to how many ways you have to describe a single mask. Hilarious post and yo baby mama sounds divine. Happy for you two 👯♀️
hahahah omg so it gets WORSE ? Great. But I mean, ya, I guess that's the point. It's an action a verb blah blah. When you say 'middle-age peeled back the wool from my eyes' what does that mean? Like what does middle-age specifically do in terms of the peeling back?
I don’t know if it happens for everyone but all the patterns start to reveal themselves more and the defenses you put on to get through young adulthood start to feel like armor. And then your heart/mind go: “ok, what do we want to take along with us for the next half....? Cuz this shit’s heavy...” There’s a natural clarity that arises (I think) and it’s easier to find a gap between your habitual bs and the rest of you. “Oh, wait. I don’t need this anymore...?” Or: “Oh, I should have actually listened to all those elders forever ago...? Hmmm...” You can either deal with this with the red sports car cliches, or make some internal changes and let go of some stuff: bad habits, past hurts, etc etc
brb heading to the red sports car dealership
Lolol
I have a screenshot of this mask. But because I want it but because I want everyone I met to experience the horror of seeing it. And that’s just on the screen. I can’t imagine how it looks in person!
You guys have such a lovely love story. You inspired me to write mine. I haven’t finished anything this week but you’ll see it soon. 💖
Also I miss your narration.
can't wait to read your story and thank you as always Nicci!!!
And yes good point about the narration!! I can't really tell what % of people like / want that - SOUNDS LIKE ITS TIME FOR A POLL lol
😂 I 💯 would rather listen to you read them than Siri, which is my only other option. Because I definitely don’t have time to read things with my actual eyeballs anymore. (That is a me problem for sure, but your narration does help!)
In red-mask-mode there's a green third eye on Lauren's forehead. Now, there's a wowies. I'll have to ask GPT-4 what it means.
don't you see Chris, that IS gpt-4
The next time she breaks out that mask you should secretly set up a camera for some long-exposure shots, then leave prints of them for her to find in unexpected places. Though, I guess any place you find a surprise picture of a disembodied wraith drifting through your house, it's going to be pretty unexpected.
she got way ahead of me on this one and just started putting photos of her in the mask all over the house. I think this is the beginning or perhaps end of a takeover
1. See final two words listed under '2.' below.
2. Round here, apparently, hair dye... Amazon delivered only this morning a boxed preparation labelled 'Just for Men Control GX Grey Reducing Shampoo' for someone of this household who REALLY DOESN'T NEED IT BECAUSE HE'S GORGEOUS.
5. Hi to you, too. Can I tell you a secret? I entirely MISSED the mask side of the first picture in the post because I was too busy squealing 'ALEX IS LEFT-HAAAAAAAAANDED!' 🙌 ALL the best people are left-handed! (with apologies for my Latin prowess, and no offence to the dextrous out there, but Alex and I are Team Sinister!)
of course you are part of the lefties club! We are the best and the rest of the world isn't ready to face it. In the USSR they used to make everyone righties - that's how scared of us they were.
were beanie babies a thing where you grew up?
The first and only beanie baby I ever got was Lefty - https://www.ebay.com/itm/155471462249 - Only very recently I learned that his entire existence was political propaganda for those good for nothing snowflake liberals
Yeah, we had Beanie Babies here too, for a bit, but rather late for my time, I'm afraid. Lefty the donkey is HILARIOUS - although indeed more of a political statement than any nod towards inclusivity for our very special 10-ish percent of the population!
He wasn't in the USSR, but my left-handed late father-in-law was made to write with his right hand at school - I gather that was pretty common here in the mid-century. So horrid of them to make him do that.
I had a bit of fun writing about my issues with handedness here - https://rebeccaholden.substack.com/p/34-my-awkwardness-is-sinister/comments - 'right' down to getting the universal hand gesture for 'Loser' THE WRONG WAY ROUND. Oh, the shame....! 😳
That was so sweet! Also, Lauren totally looks hot in the mask. Makes me think of Billy Idol's Eyes Without A Face.
lauren is hot in any and all styles and forms, this I know
Love the newsletter. I wrote a thing about long haul marriage, the next stage may look like this:
"There is no fairy tale, just an imperfect life with imperfect people. Two opposed ideas, every single regular, boring, infuriating day. Every day filled with the everyday that turns into 30 years and somehow feels like happiness."
https://open.substack.com/pub/longmiddle/p/about-a-marriage?r=j2fm&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
omg Lisa that was so frikkin good! Thank you for sharing. I was going to recommend Heather Harvilsky to you and saw you gave her a shoutout at the bottom. Have you read this piece? https://www.thecut.com/2016/02/what-romance-means-after-10-years-of-marriage.html? It's my fav
Thanks! I'm thrilled that you liked it. That Havrilesky essay is maybe my favorite from her collection, "What If This Were Enough?" She's so good.
she's so fucking good its insane i aspire to be like her one day
Same, but just thinking about that exhausts me.
hahahaha
I've been married for 25 years! Every day we decide to stay. Otherwise we wouldn't be here.
Recently my new age older man has had a major back issue. It has brought up many gremlins (aka fears). Suddenly I am married to an old man with a back problem who can't wash or dry his own feet! Fuck! What was I thinking? My mum kindly reminds me that I shouldn't have married an older man. (que eye roll).
But the masks we show to others have long been forgotten between us. So we accept each other warts and all. Or at least turn a blind eye. Well most of the time... except when I am chin wagging with a friend and we have a sly laugh at his expense... Not that I don't love him cos I DO DO DO... But man... socks with sandals???
Anyway I read that you're not sure you're having much fun somewhere amongst the chit chat in this thread... that life is economically stressful.... I've been there and the last few months has shown me that we don't have much control over these things anyway. 3 weeks of not working soon drained our back up stash. Still it did mean I got my act together and finally published my substack account after 4 months of perfectionisation!
We think we do have control of these things but we don't. We are led to believe we do. All that work harder or work smarter... work ethic BS does my head in... make your money work for you... blah blah blah... And I have done loads of personal developemnt shit. Am I any richer?? Nope!
But the happiest years of my life were when I had the least money :) It seems like the more I have the more scared I am of losing it. And when I lost my son and brother in separate road crashes I certainly found out what was important. The only thing that was important! Being with my family. So enjoy them. Value them. Smother them with love and you will be a happy man.
Much love to you and thanks so much for making me laugh!!!
damn it karen youre making me cry. i really needed to hear this today thank you thank you thank you
1. In the final act of your Romcom I'm guessing the mask is the antagonist. But does Lauren learn in the end that she doesn't need the mask and hubby will suffice?
2. Hubby and I are way over 40. When the kids went away to college I wanted to print a T-Shirt, "Every night is date night when you're an empty nester." Now I tell empty nester mamas, If you don't already have a thriving career, start a substack. Get busy volunteering. Otherwise you will pine for your kids and eat oreos again. I was this close to secretly staying in Miami (kids went to U Miami) and work as the cafeteria lady so I could keep an eye on them. (Another TV series idea that didn't come to fruition.) You and Lauren will unsubscribe to the hundreds of holiday card making companies. The best attribute of your holiday card is showing off the kids and your hot wife. No one wants to see a balding hubby and his hot wife-- because of hot flashes. To see more of what your future looks like, subscribe to my stack. Hubby is a prominent feature. We knew a gal who divorced because of our cute relationship. She told me so. Glad we were the impetus for her to quit her sucky marriage.
3. Don't suddenly friend a high school sweetheart on FB. Guys can be really stupid that way. Let wifey put the kibosh on fried dough for dessert, even if you're traveling. The teenage years will test your marriage and your cool factor. Accept the fact that you're embarrassing. When my daughter was 12 and saw how teenagers (girls especially) treated their parents, she apologized to me ahead of time.
4. Make friends with the devil. Happy wifey = happy lifey.
5. hi back.
hahaha omg this was perhaps comment of the day. I have so many follow ups.
"We knew a gal who divorced because of our cute relationship. She told me so. Glad we were the impetus for her to quit her sucky marriage." Can you explain?
"The teenage years will test your marriage and your cool factor." - can you provide more detail???
This is not just super funny, this is Odessa funny... So so good
wow. That's the humor capital of the world, right?
UBBI