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dear alex,

love you! love this! love "Classic potato, potato"! and the rest of it!

1) What’s one of your top moments in a film or tv show?

princess bride sword fight

any time john mccain says yippikiyay

all of everything everywhere all at once

and much much more!

2) Would you name a child Crit?

i'd think about it. and then i'd probably decide not to? unless the child asked me to name the child Crit.

3) Do you have any advice for me, Alex, about marriage or life or really anything??

yes. one thing at a time!

4) How do you hope this romcom story ends in act 3

i hope it Doesn't end

love,

myq

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it doesn't end brother. you are correct.

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WHAT DO I WIN?

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I was wanting to make some joke about how typically tone deaf awful The Tree of Life is for a date movie but as I kept trying to find the hook I realized it's probably the best date movie there is:

You don't have to pay attention to it. You can alternate between paying attention to your date and glancing at the lovely imagery.

Bonus points if you're paying attention to your date during the dinosaurs and Jessica Chastain parts, because you're communicating to her that she's more interesting than dinosaurs and Jessica Chastain. Also the dinosaur parts are the worst parts.

If your date actually genuinely gets absorbed by it and wants to talk about it later, you can get "good listener" points by letting them talk about basically whatever. And, less you worry that you may come across as "not getting it" or incurious, literally just say, "What struck me were the Sean Penn parts. What do you think those were about?" Boom, great conversationalist.

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hahahaha man, honestly that movie was such a big mirror of life to hold up to ourselves, like - COULD LIFE BE ALL THIS. I did love a lot of it though, the less weird stuff mostly. I wanna watch it again soon

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It's a beautiful movie, I've indulged in it twice, but I wouldn't have chosen it for a date unless I knew my partner was super into movies. Which you had that going for you, which is nice.

(I would take my wife to see it)

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We are OFF THE BUS in this house. Two kids, two middle-aged artists, new town, new rental: messy as hell! I am a freak about morning time and get up before dawn to achieve it 😇 It’s not so much that I deserve a trophy, it’s that, with kids, I need that time to basically not burn the house down/feel happy. The only thing I miss about being single (ok there are some others) is taking huge blocks of silence to read and drink coffee in a solo abode. Pajamas Til Noon is the name of my forthcoming business school…

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omg wait ok i have so many questions. feel free to disregard any and all

1. what do u do during the morning routine

2. how do i sign up for pajamas till noon

3. what is the new town? I ask cuz me n Lauren are starting to think hmmm what other places are less expensive than LA

truly there's nothing better than a book and some coffee. I'd usually smoke a cig or two also but just cuz I thought it made me cooler

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these are good questions. I'll email you about town but YES most of the country is less expensive than LA :) highly recommend other places for sanity (but connections are pretty fierce there. Money is real! In cost and benefit) Pajamas Til Noon will be accepting applications soon! Have to talk with my creditors and website guy and still ironing out some **other business-speak.** Yes to the former cigs, although I'm also a yoga nut and those two things are weird together (but not as weird as you'd think! as my former Vinyasa teacher who would breeze into class smelling of smoke must have surely thought, lol. and yes, I stopped taking their class. But only because they sprayed perfume on top of the smoke! I probably could have hung if they were like "this is me, deal with it.") As for the morning routine, I mostly write and then do the other things that make my life/mind work until my kids wake and demand waffles...

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cig smoking yoga teacher is a great character. Or just like an absolute degenerate hates everything always drunk n fucked up yoga teacher who is like VERY good at yoga

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Lol that would be an amazing character too

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I don’t think I’d ever name a child Crit, but if they wanted to change their name later on to Crit I guess I’d have to be supportive and I’ll be reminded of this funny, sweet post. I can’t wait for act 3!! Also, I’ve never thought about owls in that way before, but that truly is how ornithology works 😂

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i know! night owls is simply redundant

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One of my favorite movie moments is every single moment in the movie 24 Hour Party People. I also love the popcorn finale in Real Genius. That’s my pitch for act 3. Somehow you guys stop Crit from destroying you with a laser, but the laser beam goes astray and pops a house full of popcorn. And you guys frolic in the popcorn as Tears for Fears plays.

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hahah wait I thought i'd seen real genius but I was thinking of Weird Science also i have never seen 24 hour party people what am I doing

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I don't know what you're doing, man. Real Genius is a great film and Val Kilmer turns in a hilarious performance. That dude's comedy is so underrated. 24 Hour Party People is also great, but for totally different reasons.

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Val as protagonist, a character who lives in the closet, popcorn finale, heroine in adorbs overalls. What more could you want, America? Alex, get thee to a viewing. Everyone, write fan notes to Val.

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And after you watch Real Genius, Alex, check out this essay in Tor. One of my favorite pieces of film writing. https://www.tor.com/2015/05/21/30-years-later-real-genius-is-still-the-geek-solidarity-film-that-nerd-culture-deserves/

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popcorn finale gets ALL THE TROPHIES. I think about that scene three times a week.

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I love how Tim Heidecker is now like a literal omen in your relationship and he doesn't even know 😆

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i know I was thinking if he reads this he will think i'm a psycho

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favourite scene in movie has to be the unscripted shot of Dustin Hoffman berating impatient NYC traffic in Midnight Cowboy while trying to cross street: "Im WALKIN' heahhhhhhh!!!"

that said the final shot in the Graduate says it all about sugar coated endings being exposed to harsh reality to come...ie: he will be sneakin around with anne bancroft again in NO Time, i woulds, while she cheats with a randy professor played by donald sutherland aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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hahaha

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Classic potayto pototto.

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CLAsSIC

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the name of my Crit is Dave

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sup Dave stop being so mean to Dumb

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3. No, of course I don't have any advice for YOU, Alex! Imagine! I mean, I'm here reading BAT right now precisely because you're providing ME with advice on life, relationships, potatoes, potaaaaaaaahtoes and how not to demonstrate the craft of eating in an audition - as well as all that other stuff I can only get here. I mean, you've nailed it all already - what advice could I possibly offer you in return? 🤷‍♀️🤣

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hahahah tea related advice, for one

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Ah yes, indeed I DO have some exper-tea-s to offer you, as it happens! 🤣

https://rebeccaholden.substack.com/p/32-expec-tea-tion

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I’m also a big Tim Heidecker fan. I’ll never forget those unofficial Tim & Eric Shrek the Third promos.

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lol I sadly do not know what you refer to

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1 - Obviously the part when Mouth says THIS ONE IS MY DREAM. AND I'M TAKING IT BACK. I'M TAKING THEM ALL BACK in Goonies. Basically all of Goonies really. Also in LOTR when Eowyn goes I AM NO MAN and cuts off the whatever's head.

3- Advice about marriage. This is impossible. Every marriage is different from each other. Every marriage is different from one day to the next. Just be in it to win it and ride over the rough spots. Embrace the chaos and beauty in every day. It's a most excellent world, despite everything.

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well said on all fronts

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Woof. Sometimes Both Are TOO True ya know what I mean...

My number one defense against my own inner-crittic-of-other-people-but-especially-my-incredibly-wonderful-wife-who-loves-me-unconditionally is, whenever I notice myself feeling some sort of shitty little criticism, I try to judo that sucker around and ask myself, point blank, "OK sure but how are YOU being shitty?" And holy moses is it just about as simple as cheese and crackers to answer that question. Every time.

You sir, are better at this marriage thing than you probably think.

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yesssss THIS IS THE WAY. lol.

If I may even offer a slightly kinder read, you could just ask yourself "what do I have control over here?" cuz most likely you're not being all that shitty!

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I'm willing to concede that I am not ALWAYS being shitty, but the funny thing about feeling critical of other people is that it very reliably turns me into the shittiest version of myself.

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well put. brb gonna yell at myself for being such a piece of shit

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as someone who has also done long distance and moved to another city for my s/o, this was a validating read! those long distance visits did feel like a LOT of pressure. can't wait for part three, i'm on the edge of my seat here

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believe me im gonna get to this but the waffle house at beginning and we are surrounded by them here in south reminded of last weekend skit on snl im gonna sue the writers for some kind of pinched nerve in stomach area as it was so

fucking

crazyfunny the part where somew chick is dancing on counter in background actually blacked me out temporarily but lucky

im a fighter heh

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Still working on managing my own friend Crit. I appreciate this!!!!

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