my twitter account is very old but i never use(d) it that much. i was however a diehard livejournal user (and previously deadjournal!) for ages, and then tumblr, and then instagram. i only post food on IG and absolutely agonize over which photo to post and what to write in the caption and which hashtags to use. it wasn't even because i w…
my twitter account is very old but i never use(d) it that much. i was however a diehard livejournal user (and previously deadjournal!) for ages, and then tumblr, and then instagram. i only post food on IG and absolutely agonize over which photo to post and what to write in the caption and which hashtags to use. it wasn't even because i wanted the most likes or comments or more followers or the possibility of viral...ness? it was like just totally...my own brain? the way i am? ew. weak.
in general i will be ALL IN on a social media platform, interact a lot, make friends, and then disappear. because it always starts off fun and rewarding (or talking into the void which is kind of boring but also safe) and then it marches straight into overwhelming territory. because i can't just like...use it sometimes. i have this compulsive need to read everything. as much as i hate The Algorithm it's kind of good because back when shit was chronological i would literally have to see every post and my brain was not satisfied until i got to the end, even if i didn't give a single shit about any of it. (because also i had self imposed guilt if i didn't follow someone back who interacted with me even if i had no interest in what they posted.) or like, i destroy my own experience because i feel compelled to follow - for example - indie brands i shop with, or Nice People Just Trying To Catch A Break on twitch, and so on. they asked me to follow! they said it would really help them and mean a lot! it's free and easy for me to do! they deserve support! and BLOOP now i'm sifting through trash and i no longer have the will to participate. (actually about a year ago i went on my laptop and just bookmarked the instagrams i want to look at and now i just periodically manually go to those pages on the web like i'm old or whatever and honestly i love it.)
and that's before you get to the rampant toxicity these days which makes it so if i leave a comment anywhere i immediately get anxiety and racing thoughts and my brain starts invention possible scenarios that aren't likely to happen because you can hardly post "lol this was so funny" before you've inadvertently gotten into a flamewar with someone anymore. i once explained the symbolism on a tshirt of a brand i followed to someone in the comments who was asking (like a shirt had symbols on it and i literally just named what they were) and they turned out to be this wild conspiracy theorist and my notifications LIT UP dude and it was Not Good and i still (obviously) think about it to this day?? i'm a highly sensitive person (or maybe autistic? or maybe just trauma-induced extreme empathy?) so it's just not possible for my brain to post or read or comment and then just close the app or computer or whatever and never think of it again if things don't go as planned. my partner roasts and trolls people on twitter all the time and it's like...satisfying for him and then he goes and does something else and sleeps like a baby. he finds conversations with random people stimulating in the moment, gets his dopamine or whatever and goes on about his day. i'm like cool i will think of this every night before bed for five years minimum.
substack is cool as heck tho, it gives me the warm fuzzy livejournal vibes from days of yore, and it's a community that people choose to be in. you get to read stuff you actually want to read...CHOSE to read, and the commenters seem chill and relatable and respectful because they also chose to be here. (although one time we found the substack of someone we had crossed paths with [seen all the time in the bar/club but never really hung out with type of thing] who was full on ranting about his divorce and it turned out he was absolutely batshit crazy and thought he was being recorded for reality tv and so he started [in his mind] social engineering his world and i really almost reported him to the police but i just closed the tab instead.)
so...am i happy? i don't know. i guess i think more in terms of privilege? like i think about when we could barely make rent and had a miserable roommate situation and A Lot of Stuff going on and now we're chilling in our own little apartment and if an emergency comes up we're equipped to deal with it, we have food in the fridge, we have hobbies we get to enjoy...and that makes me happy. having a fulfilling relationship, being absolutely obsessed with my nephew, sleeping in my own bed with my precious weighted blanket on me every night, that makes me happy. there are people who, if they had to live my life, would be miserable i think. but it's all relative, yanno?
my twitter account is very old but i never use(d) it that much. i was however a diehard livejournal user (and previously deadjournal!) for ages, and then tumblr, and then instagram. i only post food on IG and absolutely agonize over which photo to post and what to write in the caption and which hashtags to use. it wasn't even because i wanted the most likes or comments or more followers or the possibility of viral...ness? it was like just totally...my own brain? the way i am? ew. weak.
in general i will be ALL IN on a social media platform, interact a lot, make friends, and then disappear. because it always starts off fun and rewarding (or talking into the void which is kind of boring but also safe) and then it marches straight into overwhelming territory. because i can't just like...use it sometimes. i have this compulsive need to read everything. as much as i hate The Algorithm it's kind of good because back when shit was chronological i would literally have to see every post and my brain was not satisfied until i got to the end, even if i didn't give a single shit about any of it. (because also i had self imposed guilt if i didn't follow someone back who interacted with me even if i had no interest in what they posted.) or like, i destroy my own experience because i feel compelled to follow - for example - indie brands i shop with, or Nice People Just Trying To Catch A Break on twitch, and so on. they asked me to follow! they said it would really help them and mean a lot! it's free and easy for me to do! they deserve support! and BLOOP now i'm sifting through trash and i no longer have the will to participate. (actually about a year ago i went on my laptop and just bookmarked the instagrams i want to look at and now i just periodically manually go to those pages on the web like i'm old or whatever and honestly i love it.)
and that's before you get to the rampant toxicity these days which makes it so if i leave a comment anywhere i immediately get anxiety and racing thoughts and my brain starts invention possible scenarios that aren't likely to happen because you can hardly post "lol this was so funny" before you've inadvertently gotten into a flamewar with someone anymore. i once explained the symbolism on a tshirt of a brand i followed to someone in the comments who was asking (like a shirt had symbols on it and i literally just named what they were) and they turned out to be this wild conspiracy theorist and my notifications LIT UP dude and it was Not Good and i still (obviously) think about it to this day?? i'm a highly sensitive person (or maybe autistic? or maybe just trauma-induced extreme empathy?) so it's just not possible for my brain to post or read or comment and then just close the app or computer or whatever and never think of it again if things don't go as planned. my partner roasts and trolls people on twitter all the time and it's like...satisfying for him and then he goes and does something else and sleeps like a baby. he finds conversations with random people stimulating in the moment, gets his dopamine or whatever and goes on about his day. i'm like cool i will think of this every night before bed for five years minimum.
substack is cool as heck tho, it gives me the warm fuzzy livejournal vibes from days of yore, and it's a community that people choose to be in. you get to read stuff you actually want to read...CHOSE to read, and the commenters seem chill and relatable and respectful because they also chose to be here. (although one time we found the substack of someone we had crossed paths with [seen all the time in the bar/club but never really hung out with type of thing] who was full on ranting about his divorce and it turned out he was absolutely batshit crazy and thought he was being recorded for reality tv and so he started [in his mind] social engineering his world and i really almost reported him to the police but i just closed the tab instead.)
so...am i happy? i don't know. i guess i think more in terms of privilege? like i think about when we could barely make rent and had a miserable roommate situation and A Lot of Stuff going on and now we're chilling in our own little apartment and if an emergency comes up we're equipped to deal with it, we have food in the fridge, we have hobbies we get to enjoy...and that makes me happy. having a fulfilling relationship, being absolutely obsessed with my nephew, sleeping in my own bed with my precious weighted blanket on me every night, that makes me happy. there are people who, if they had to live my life, would be miserable i think. but it's all relative, yanno?