1. I was riveted from start to finish, this one was gold. 2. FWIW: Christoph Waltz stole every scene and I'm almost positive it's because of you. 3. You know who DIDN'T make it in the long run?? One Mr. Kevin Spacey. Even when he tried to throw coins at other people's dicks. Karma is a biotch, son. 4. WHY IS THERE NO 'P' IN HAMSTER?! 5. WelPPP, "It’s hamster costumes all the way down" is going to be my new "this sucks" saying, pending copyright.
Weirdest gig: I read from my book with a terrible mic in a Cleveland bookstore—no, in the shopping mall hallway just outside the bookstore. There was maybe twenty chairs and maybe ten people. And it was 7:30 pm. and in 1993, so the mall had quite a few shoppers walking past and curiously staring at me. At the end of my twenty minute reading (I cut it short), I looked behind me and saw for the first time that I'd been performing in front of a wedding dress display window. Said display contained a mannequin wearing a red wedding dress. Red. Very red.
But...but...but...you HAVE made it, Alex. Maybe not in the conventional sense of how you wanted but your words are sincere, YOU are real, and the life you've built, this audience you have, the friendships you've forged and the authenticity with which you interact--that's what's enough. Going viral, being famous, reaching hundreds of thousands, yada yada and then one wrong move and poof, all of that is gone. What you've built ain't going nowhere. Now go drink some water.
Weirdest gig: I worked in a little clothing boutique on the upper east side of manhattan when I was in college. It was about the size of a walk in closet. I sat at the front of the store at a small desk most of the time because there were rarely customers. The desk was in the front of the store, facing the store window. One day, I saw Helen Hunt and Bette Middler walking up and down the street repeatedly. I was so confused until I realized they were filming a scene from the movie, Then She Found Me. Little did I know, it was my Hollywood debut. You can see me sitting in the window in that scene. I’ve been in zero movies since.
One time I scooped vitamins as a temp job. Riboflavin. Ascorbic Acid. Niacin. We weighed it and scooped it and put it on pallets and it went into cereal mixes I guess.
Reading this makes me wonder when exactly I stopped doing the "this is the origin of me making it" narrative, which always had me floating outside my life as if everything I was doing was a performance for the future self who would've made it and looked back with tenderness at the one who yet hadn't. I wore that lens through every interaction--if people were shabby to me I was like "Bring it. Because someday I will MAKE IT and you will be sorry!!!" Now I'm just soft, vulnerable and easily poked. But also, my feet are on the ground and I enjoy that. I no longer feel like I'm living in some kind of "before" and imagined "after." This is it, no escapin.'
This was such a funny read (and infinitely more funny than Ameowadeus itself…) and full of truth as always!
Is BATcave additional $ to subscription? (I don’t mind, just can’t figure out how to do it).
Weirdest gig was being Elf #4 at a Christmas market Santa’s wonderland walkthrough. Stayed in my halls at uni when everyone else had gone home over Christmas, getting up every day at 5 to go out in the grey and cold, and just hanging around ready to wave at kids every 20 mins or so. The other elves were nice though!
Weirdest gig was working at a gold mine in the middle of a Southern California desert, in the smack of summer. Damn that has hot. I’m still wondering if they ever found gold…
Hi Alex. This post is right down my alley. I was a singer songwriter in NYC and eventually became a mentor and community organizer for young adult artists. I spent years helping them think through and survive the life of becoming artists. I developed a whole social theory that has a place for the arts. And one of the pragmatic things I add to that is the idea that the whole of the arts is like a big pyramid — and it’s really big, taken together just the fine arts minus movies/TV, is ten times bigger than all professional sports combined. Not many would imagine that, sports total 84 Billion, fine arts just over 1 Trillion…so it’s a big pyramid with a few professional artists in the top portion and then broadening out to the base with all the jobs supporting the artists at the top. Almost everybody there started wanting to be at the top, but it’s mathematically impossible for everyone to be there. So we have to find where we can fit and thrive. The parts nearest to the top still have a lot of artistic and creative work, and then it starts becoming more functional and supportive…but even if you’re a business/IT person in a production company having a sense of love for the arts helps the org more than if not. And if you read my social theory and see why the arts are so important for humanity it becomes really fulfilling to have any job in an arts organization.
So much of life is this way, we find who we are and where we thrive.
1. I was riveted from start to finish, this one was gold. 2. FWIW: Christoph Waltz stole every scene and I'm almost positive it's because of you. 3. You know who DIDN'T make it in the long run?? One Mr. Kevin Spacey. Even when he tried to throw coins at other people's dicks. Karma is a biotch, son. 4. WHY IS THERE NO 'P' IN HAMSTER?! 5. WelPPP, "It’s hamster costumes all the way down" is going to be my new "this sucks" saying, pending copyright.
Weirdest gig: I read from my book with a terrible mic in a Cleveland bookstore—no, in the shopping mall hallway just outside the bookstore. There was maybe twenty chairs and maybe ten people. And it was 7:30 pm. and in 1993, so the mall had quite a few shoppers walking past and curiously staring at me. At the end of my twenty minute reading (I cut it short), I looked behind me and saw for the first time that I'd been performing in front of a wedding dress display window. Said display contained a mannequin wearing a red wedding dress. Red. Very red.
But...but...but...you HAVE made it, Alex. Maybe not in the conventional sense of how you wanted but your words are sincere, YOU are real, and the life you've built, this audience you have, the friendships you've forged and the authenticity with which you interact--that's what's enough. Going viral, being famous, reaching hundreds of thousands, yada yada and then one wrong move and poof, all of that is gone. What you've built ain't going nowhere. Now go drink some water.
This is one of my favorite BAT editions, ever.
Weirdest gig: I worked in a little clothing boutique on the upper east side of manhattan when I was in college. It was about the size of a walk in closet. I sat at the front of the store at a small desk most of the time because there were rarely customers. The desk was in the front of the store, facing the store window. One day, I saw Helen Hunt and Bette Middler walking up and down the street repeatedly. I was so confused until I realized they were filming a scene from the movie, Then She Found Me. Little did I know, it was my Hollywood debut. You can see me sitting in the window in that scene. I’ve been in zero movies since.
I’m so glad you got off the hamster wheel 👀🙌
Perfect to read with my morning coffee. Some men might interpret tossing coins at their dick as a compliment.
One time I scooped vitamins as a temp job. Riboflavin. Ascorbic Acid. Niacin. We weighed it and scooped it and put it on pallets and it went into cereal mixes I guess.
Reading this makes me wonder when exactly I stopped doing the "this is the origin of me making it" narrative, which always had me floating outside my life as if everything I was doing was a performance for the future self who would've made it and looked back with tenderness at the one who yet hadn't. I wore that lens through every interaction--if people were shabby to me I was like "Bring it. Because someday I will MAKE IT and you will be sorry!!!" Now I'm just soft, vulnerable and easily poked. But also, my feet are on the ground and I enjoy that. I no longer feel like I'm living in some kind of "before" and imagined "after." This is it, no escapin.'
This was such a funny read (and infinitely more funny than Ameowadeus itself…) and full of truth as always!
Is BATcave additional $ to subscription? (I don’t mind, just can’t figure out how to do it).
Weirdest gig was being Elf #4 at a Christmas market Santa’s wonderland walkthrough. Stayed in my halls at uni when everyone else had gone home over Christmas, getting up every day at 5 to go out in the grey and cold, and just hanging around ready to wave at kids every 20 mins or so. The other elves were nice though!
Love this. Thanks for sharing!
Weirdest gig was working at a gold mine in the middle of a Southern California desert, in the smack of summer. Damn that has hot. I’m still wondering if they ever found gold…
Hi Alex. This post is right down my alley. I was a singer songwriter in NYC and eventually became a mentor and community organizer for young adult artists. I spent years helping them think through and survive the life of becoming artists. I developed a whole social theory that has a place for the arts. And one of the pragmatic things I add to that is the idea that the whole of the arts is like a big pyramid — and it’s really big, taken together just the fine arts minus movies/TV, is ten times bigger than all professional sports combined. Not many would imagine that, sports total 84 Billion, fine arts just over 1 Trillion…so it’s a big pyramid with a few professional artists in the top portion and then broadening out to the base with all the jobs supporting the artists at the top. Almost everybody there started wanting to be at the top, but it’s mathematically impossible for everyone to be there. So we have to find where we can fit and thrive. The parts nearest to the top still have a lot of artistic and creative work, and then it starts becoming more functional and supportive…but even if you’re a business/IT person in a production company having a sense of love for the arts helps the org more than if not. And if you read my social theory and see why the arts are so important for humanity it becomes really fulfilling to have any job in an arts organization.
So much of life is this way, we find who we are and where we thrive.
So why did you throw the coins on his dick? Poor Kevin.
You made it big on your first try...