Messy ass spaces #3 - more mess, more space, and, yes, more ass

Daniel Entertainment Cheese & B.A. Lampman

Hi everyone and welcome to Messy Ass Spaces, where the spaces are messy and the asses are clean!

I have been advised by my legal council to “not write shit like that on your blog” fearing how it might affect the various litigious entanglements I currently find myself enmeshed therein.

Boy what a messy intro that was, huh? Seems perfect as hell for MESSY ASS SPACES.

Also this post is apparently too big to fail aka too long for email - make sure to click and see the whole thing and the comment questions at the end if you want i don’t care (i do).

Now if you’re new here (waddup, thank u, i have all of ur names tattoo’d on my back) - here’s a quick MAS origin story:

What’s Messy Ass Spaces?

There’s a trend online or at least in my little corner of the online where fancy important people share PERFECT photos of their IMMACULATE and SLEEK workspaces. Everything is shiny and new and quirky! And just so, so clean, like there’s so much empty space between everything?

Sometimes god forbid there are even these photos:

I have nothing against these spaces or the people who share them - I’m sure they are wonderful - I just have never seen one in my real actual life.

My desk and the desks of those I know are absolute shitstorms, explosions of the manic depressive, coffee cups akimbo, boulevards of broken usb cords that may be USB-C cords or god forbid that other kind the ones for Androids that look like they’ll bite you if you’re not careful etc.

In short: I am a mess and so is my space. And after sharing my MAS, I learned many of you had MAS too. Now, we share our MAS with each other and the world.

Speaking of - want your MAS featured? Great! Submit it here or email botharetrue@substack.com!

1. Daniel Entertainment Cheese

I shared my MAS post with everyone I could find, including the Today in Tabs Discord server for the Today in Tabs newsletter, of which I am a proud card paying member. People seemed happy to see a mess of a desk and they shared their MAS too, including intrepid Tabs leader, Rusty Foster - here’s Rusty’s MAS for all to see.

From there, an absolute torrent of messy ass space photos were being sent in the chat including from a man called Daniel Entertainment Cheese.

Back in 2022, Cheese sent me the photo (left). By the time I followed up this April with more questions, he had moved offices (right).

A first for MAS! To watch a man journey from one space to another - its like the perfect study for us, science wise. Same man, same stuff, but a new office! What messes stay, and what messes go? Does a mess move with its human like a puppy or must it be born within its new space, a product of its elements, a phoenix from its ashes?

As one can see from the evidence - the new space is categorically less messy than its prequel, but is it simply a matter of time??

Mystery 1: The unopened sharpies

I noticed a few commonalities between the two offices. Most striking was the unopened box of Sharpie markers that traveled, unopened, from the old office to the new. When asked what these were, Daniel E. Cheese said ‘they’re not Sharpies.”

A bold faced lie, I was sure of it.

And why was he so defensive when I didn’t even say they were Sharpies. Clearly, the man had something to hide.

I didn’t have to wait long (like 1 second) till his next message came - the truth.

“They’re Skerples.”

I got my phone out and dialed 9-1, finger on the 1, ready to report that I was talking with a murderer bad guy who was so bold as to lie about something called a ‘Skerple.”

But call, I did not, for next Dan E. Chz sent me this photo:

“I bet they're unusable. Like Homer Simpson buying a Sorny or Magnetbox TV.” — D.E. Cheese

The books below the desk

In the first office, one cannot help but wonder about the book underneath the desk. An old sci-fi novel? A phonebook from 1989 that D. Cheese uses to travel through time? A hebrew bible (why else would the back half of the pages be tattered unless the man was reading right to left?)

The real answer?

A footrest. My legs to torso ratio is such that if I don't put my feet on a book my knees hurt.

Well that’s normal enough, but why, I asked, does it look like a wizard’s old spell book?

Nothing too exciting I think because when I would press my feet on it the pages would fold back.

Ok sure, yes ok fine, I don’t fully follow but fine. What about the new one?

The new one is most probably the Tool and Manufacturing Engineers Handbook Desk Edition which is somewhat redundant because I have most of the full volumes

Hmmm…well that’s interesting. A desk edition, under the desk. And it looks brand new? Mysteries abound in the messy ass space, that’s for sure.

what’s ur job?

Ok now for the final messy ass challenge. I tried to guess what Da Cheeze’s job was. My guess: You’re either a network engineer or an upper level exec C-suite bad guy working as part of the team for Roy Batty in Bladerunner.

The correct answer?

Senior Design Engineer and the company I work for builds linear accelerators among other things. It's an intersection of high voltage, high vacuum, RF/ microwave and radiation.

Pretending like I knew what all that meant, I said sure yes ok good, but what is a linear accelerator, I asked him, clarifying that I wanted to make sure he knew because obviously I already did (something that makes the speed go up in a straight line without any fits and starts.)

“Using voltage differences to accelerate charged particles.”

Exactly what I said.

Feeding the monster with B.A. Lampman

B.A. is a painter and collage maker. I’m pretty sure she’s cool in that way that’s hard to fully grasp over the internet, like ‘real artist whose entire existence isn’t documented on Instagram” sort of cool, like she’d be friends with Warhol maybe idk if that guy was actually cool but people seem to really like him anyways!

She alsowrites Feed The Monster, a monthly journal that takes you behind the scenes of all the cool shit she’s doing. I strongly urge, nay demand (respectfully) that you subscribe to for reasons that will become self-ev soon enough:

Enough chit chat let’s MAS!

B.A.’s Messy Ass Space

B.A. sent two photos with her initial submission (already a super cool artist move - just two photos? the power). Here they are:

"This is the table I work at in my studio (not to be confused with the drafting table where I paint). Is this messy, or is it "arty"? I don't really consider this messy, especially as there are NO CRUMBS. Mind you, this would not pass muster in the house. The dining table starts to get covered in crap because my husband and I both work there, and that drives me out of my fucking mind. I need minimal "visual noise" in my living space or I WILL hurt someone. But in my studio I need everything close by. My pens, my brush-pens, my journal, my planner, my "commonplace book" for this year and those of past years, my sketchbook, and of course all my personal mementoes such as (on the windowsill) a photo of me in the late 80's beside a photo of my daughter giving the double-finger. I need these things." -- B.A>

I’m a big fan of needing to be surrounded by weird mementos. Thank G*d that we’re out of the whole nu-puritanical Marie Kondo ‘throw out your life because it brings you no joy’ era.

Ever the detective, I asked B.A. to walk me through all of the cool art on her walls, and friends, she did:

1 - Needlepoint my Grama made me when I was a kid

2 - Too small to see properly - don't remember artist's name - says "Dumb Fuck"

3 - Photo of Roger Miller in the studio in the 60's that I mounted and varnished

4 - One of my first collages - 1990 maybe?

5 - Another old collage... a man in a dress with inset of men boxing

6 - Portrait I painted in ink of Roger Miller

7 - Collage I made during the making of my Collage Class, April 2021

B.A. creates collages (among other things) and they are BADASS. In fact, she teaches a class on collage making which you can bet your butt I’ve signed up for because it seems cool as heck. Here’s a few of my fav pieces she’s made:

clockwise from top left - Laser Baby, Yellow Boy, Prairie Ghost, Bessie Bug

These are genuinely so god damn cool wow. Especially laser baby. What more perfect encapsulation of the messy ass space than the collage itself! Making something beautiful from the mess? Now that’s what I call an Ass Space volume 1.

B.A. also does mini-collages on her notebooks including her 2023 notebook, journal, and planner (left to right).

I was especially drawn to the Gorilla notebook and asked what the sections named ‘feed the monster,’ ‘life’s work,’ and ‘age ass’ meant.

Here’s B.A.’s response:

Each new year I set up a fresh notebook and make little tabs to create sections for Feed the Monster, my website, Instagram, and whatever projects I'm working on. Just a place to keep notes about things I'm a gonna do, or jot down ideas, etc. 

"AGE ASS" 😂 is just "Collage Class" cut off... that's the notebook for 2021 tucked under there. 

The notebook you asked about is my current one  (2023), and it did get a somewhat special collage treatment on the front, haha:

Feed the Monster: I don't actually remember the genesis of the name, but it's kind of the same idea as the "the wolf you feed is the one that gets stronger". So Feeding the Monster is feeding the wolf of art, culture, writing, reading, new ideas, etc etc etc... though I must say I've never actually verbalized that before. Also a big thing for me... something I try to do... is leave my ego out of it and always allow myself to be vulnerable in my writing...it really seems to be what people respond to the most strongly.

Life’s Work: I've left till last because for me it is/was a big deal. In a nutshell, last June I had a show called "Life's Work: A Visual Memoir" that was all about my mother's Lewy Body dementia (she died in 2017) and my crappy relationship with her growing up. The show consisted of paintings, graphic memoir (memoir comics), and an installation (you can see pics of the show here). It was a big deal because it represented so much for me both artistically and personally, and ended up being no less than a defining moment in my life. I worked toward that show for over two years. The response was (literally) overwhelming, with people crying at the opening night and strangers approaching me to thank me for what I'd done. I guess I really touched a nerve with the rawness of a lot of what I'd made and portrayed. It was crazy.

If you want to have a good cry and think about how fragile life really is, check out a big chunk of Life’s Work here on B.A.’s substack:

No. 48 - Why Did The Chicken Commence Its Life's Work?

The photos are also here.

where is the mas?

Finally, I realized that I did not know where this Messy Ass Space actually was, in the land of time and space, but I did see a path that seemed to lead here, to the studio. I wondered, aloud to myself and my family, was this B.A.’s studio or someone else’s that she ran into to take photos real quick.

I asked B.A. and here was the reply:

The studio is in the back yard of our house and it's tiny: 10 x 16 feet. Here's a pic I took in the early morning a couple of weeks back when the shadow of our house made a fake pointy roof on the studio (TEE HEE HEE).

Well, that is beautiful and not messy but more like divine or magical and ya know what? That’s messy too! We are, like the scientists who first invented gravity, inventing new words and ideas and definitions of what a messy ass space is and can be.

Life, when you think about it but not too hard, is a collage. A series of things atop other things, mess made into meaning, skerples pretending they’re sharpies and vice versa - nothing is real, everything is beautiful, god bless you all and until next time: may our spaces stay messy and our asses stay clean.

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If you or someone you love has a messy ass space - please contact us - you may be entitled to compensation or at least getting featured in an upcoming messy ass space post! Email the deets and a photo to botharetrue@substack.com

Comments

1. How’s your space looking these days?

2. Have you ever had to move your MAS to a new location? How’d it go?

3. What images etc would a collage about you have in it?

6. hi