I think I've read somewhere that many stand-up comedians have unusually high levels of self-loathing but I can't confirm this.
I don't think I read you use the term "imposter syndrome" in this essay but it sounds like that's what you are talking about and it affects just about anyone. I think you are wise to move towards self-acceptance (note: this does not prevent you from working hard at trying to be better, it just means that you kinda shrug, learn and move on if you don't reach your goals in a specific situation instead of being stick in a pit of shame and despair).
There's something important you are missing here. That club you make reference to wanting to join may be awesome. But my friend, you've already begun your own club/tribe (the book we were chatting about) that others are excited to join. You are a leader even if you haven't totally accepted that yet. 💟
I loved this piece! Why? Because it’s really difficult to persuade friends suffering whatever it’s called when you can’t accept a compliment and just thank the person giving it. I have well over six decades of experience and the most frustrating for me has been as an actual complimenter. It’s so frustrating when the complimentee fights back! It makes me question my judgment and doubt my take on that person. It’s not a one way thing, imagine if everyone you complimented argued back that they weren’t worthy of your observation. This is a reasonably new thing for me it’s only recently that I have just got used to accept the compliment, being on my appearance, my art, my writing whatever. Now I am on a mission to show others what a lovely word gift a compliment is. It was one particular friend that just drove me mad not accepting any kind of compliment until I had a big showdown with her. Finally she got it, she’s struggled with it, but she’s getting better at remembering to accept it without argument. People don’t compliment you if they don’t like what you have to offer, remember a refusal often offends, accept it graciously and don’t question other people’s taste! It’s theirs, not yours!
However hard that rejection was, you got this line out of it: "The miniscule flame of hope I’d carried with me like the little candle a mouse uses to get around the dark attics of a house to find its mouse family, that flame went out for good."
Omg, that is golden!
I totally relate to that feeling. I've bombed on stage before and gone home crying. I've said awkward things to people I admire and wished the world would just swallow me up. It takes a certain kind of masochism to be a creative, doesn't it? But you're most DEFINITELY part of the club!
Nov 29, 2022·edited Nov 29, 2022Liked by Alex Dobrenko`
Amazing post, Alex. Really enjoyed it! I love that you shared so much - it's taught me a lot. You're winning, you really are.
1. No. I'm a bear who walks alone.
2. No. Surely an impossible task? Besides, how would I justify my place on Earth if I were to earn myself the badge that reads 'self-accepted'? It's my life's work to render myself acceptable to myself (let's not even start about being acceptable to others!) - and I'm only 48 and don't want to be anything LIKE acceptable quite yet, thanks, because I'd likely give up and die.
3. I don't want to talk about it. That's the name of the song. And I'll talk about it if you want. But it has to be Rod Stewart's original 1977 track from the 'Atlantic Crossing' album, or we are not friends.
4. Realising I could read the British newspapers online when I was at university in Germany in 1996. Like, WOW.
Alex! Thanks again for all your kind words. But more importantly, here is the panel of judges who decided that El Cochinito's Cuban sandwich was the world's best. https://www.cubansandwichfestival.com/ I think you need to report live from the festival for a future newsletter
Dec 7, 2022·edited Dec 7, 2022Liked by Alex Dobrenko`
1. Do you struggle with the whole ‘I wouldn’t want to be part of any club that will have me’ thing? If not, wtf, how?
Thanks for putting your heart out, its precious to read it in such a fun way, in your way. Reading this also made me realise. fundamental problem I was recently struggling with, i met a few cool clubs who will have me, but i didn't know how to step into the door they held open for me. I've spent years with my back against the world that i forgot to pause and look around that the world i grew up in is fundamentally different to the one that now surrounds me. as i write this, i have done the deed, rsvped and stepped into a cool club that will have me being myself and accept me just as. which is such a weird premise in my mind, why are these moments so rare?
2. Have you learned how to do this whole self acceptance thing and, if so, tell me how.
i walk amongst the trees. they always do this thing where they're tall and bend over gently over me, like they're my guardians. they usually whisper something like "you're ok child" "you can just be, over here". and then i record that whisper and take it home and play it back to relive it everyday.
3. What do you think the best song ever is?
TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO CHOOSE I CANNOT MY HEAD ASPLODES
4. What are some of your earliest memories of using the internet?
Dad used to travel on work a lot, so before he left, he taught me, an 8yo kid at the time living in india late 90s, how to set up the dial up internet and call him over the internet. it's all just white noise for a few mins, and like some broken radio, occasionally snippets of voice coming thru. the white noise space gave us lots of time to piece together messages of what dad could possibly sharing on the other side, but never actually letting me hear the full message lol. the alternative was international calling which supposedly was reasonably more expensive than dial up internet connection. Oh, and lots of neopets hehe.
Clearly the best song ever is BEST SONG EVER
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=o_v9MY_FMcw
Sadly based on that pic I am not a real one
Okay but like I know ur in my club right
would NOT want to be in a WA club
just fyi when I think circle w a star in it the first thing I think of is the Star of David (the more u know)
Re: lunch https://www.google.com/search?q=juicy+doja+cat&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS885US885&hl=en-US&sxsrf=ALiCzsb3gdkkcg4ONcr5AKqVpzcqhsmBVA%3A1669861635544&ei=AxGIY_rqIMSK0PEP2oq-KA&gs_ssp=eJzj4tVP1zc0zDA1zIjPzSo3YPTiyyrNTK5USMnPSlRITiwBAJWdCeU&oq=juicy+doj&gs_lcp=ChNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwEAEYADILCC4Q1AIQsQMQgAQyBQgAEIAEMgUIABCABDIFCAAQgAQyBQgAEIAEMgUIABCABDIFCAAQgAQyBQgAEIAEOgoIABBHENYEELADOgcIABCwAxBDOgwILhDIAxCwAxBDGAE6DwguENQCEMgDELADEEMYAToKCAAQsQMQgwEQQzoLCAAQgAQQsQMQgwE6BAgAEEM6CAgAEIAEELEDOgsILhCABBDHARCvAToLCC4QgAQQsQMQ1AI6BwgAEIAEEApKBAhBGABQrwdYhQ9gohZoAXAAeACAAVOIAbICkgEBNJgBAKABAcgBEcABAdoBBAgBGAg&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp
I think I've read somewhere that many stand-up comedians have unusually high levels of self-loathing but I can't confirm this.
I don't think I read you use the term "imposter syndrome" in this essay but it sounds like that's what you are talking about and it affects just about anyone. I think you are wise to move towards self-acceptance (note: this does not prevent you from working hard at trying to be better, it just means that you kinda shrug, learn and move on if you don't reach your goals in a specific situation instead of being stick in a pit of shame and despair).
Just keep swimming.
Loved this one. You're doing it, Dobrenko.
There's something important you are missing here. That club you make reference to wanting to join may be awesome. But my friend, you've already begun your own club/tribe (the book we were chatting about) that others are excited to join. You are a leader even if you haven't totally accepted that yet. 💟
The first two lines of this essay alone are art.
I loved this piece! Why? Because it’s really difficult to persuade friends suffering whatever it’s called when you can’t accept a compliment and just thank the person giving it. I have well over six decades of experience and the most frustrating for me has been as an actual complimenter. It’s so frustrating when the complimentee fights back! It makes me question my judgment and doubt my take on that person. It’s not a one way thing, imagine if everyone you complimented argued back that they weren’t worthy of your observation. This is a reasonably new thing for me it’s only recently that I have just got used to accept the compliment, being on my appearance, my art, my writing whatever. Now I am on a mission to show others what a lovely word gift a compliment is. It was one particular friend that just drove me mad not accepting any kind of compliment until I had a big showdown with her. Finally she got it, she’s struggled with it, but she’s getting better at remembering to accept it without argument. People don’t compliment you if they don’t like what you have to offer, remember a refusal often offends, accept it graciously and don’t question other people’s taste! It’s theirs, not yours!
It’s hard enough for me to write things on the internet! I don’t know how you perform in front of real, live people!
However hard that rejection was, you got this line out of it: "The miniscule flame of hope I’d carried with me like the little candle a mouse uses to get around the dark attics of a house to find its mouse family, that flame went out for good."
Omg, that is golden!
I totally relate to that feeling. I've bombed on stage before and gone home crying. I've said awkward things to people I admire and wished the world would just swallow me up. It takes a certain kind of masochism to be a creative, doesn't it? But you're most DEFINITELY part of the club!
Amazing post, Alex. Really enjoyed it! I love that you shared so much - it's taught me a lot. You're winning, you really are.
1. No. I'm a bear who walks alone.
2. No. Surely an impossible task? Besides, how would I justify my place on Earth if I were to earn myself the badge that reads 'self-accepted'? It's my life's work to render myself acceptable to myself (let's not even start about being acceptable to others!) - and I'm only 48 and don't want to be anything LIKE acceptable quite yet, thanks, because I'd likely give up and die.
3. I don't want to talk about it. That's the name of the song. And I'll talk about it if you want. But it has to be Rod Stewart's original 1977 track from the 'Atlantic Crossing' album, or we are not friends.
4. Realising I could read the British newspapers online when I was at university in Germany in 1996. Like, WOW.
Alex! Thanks again for all your kind words. But more importantly, here is the panel of judges who decided that El Cochinito's Cuban sandwich was the world's best. https://www.cubansandwichfestival.com/ I think you need to report live from the festival for a future newsletter
1. Do you struggle with the whole ‘I wouldn’t want to be part of any club that will have me’ thing? If not, wtf, how?
Thanks for putting your heart out, its precious to read it in such a fun way, in your way. Reading this also made me realise. fundamental problem I was recently struggling with, i met a few cool clubs who will have me, but i didn't know how to step into the door they held open for me. I've spent years with my back against the world that i forgot to pause and look around that the world i grew up in is fundamentally different to the one that now surrounds me. as i write this, i have done the deed, rsvped and stepped into a cool club that will have me being myself and accept me just as. which is such a weird premise in my mind, why are these moments so rare?
2. Have you learned how to do this whole self acceptance thing and, if so, tell me how.
i walk amongst the trees. they always do this thing where they're tall and bend over gently over me, like they're my guardians. they usually whisper something like "you're ok child" "you can just be, over here". and then i record that whisper and take it home and play it back to relive it everyday.
3. What do you think the best song ever is?
TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO CHOOSE I CANNOT MY HEAD ASPLODES
Edit~ my mind has decided that, indeed, it knows the best song ever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlW7T0SUH0E
4. What are some of your earliest memories of using the internet?
Dad used to travel on work a lot, so before he left, he taught me, an 8yo kid at the time living in india late 90s, how to set up the dial up internet and call him over the internet. it's all just white noise for a few mins, and like some broken radio, occasionally snippets of voice coming thru. the white noise space gave us lots of time to piece together messages of what dad could possibly sharing on the other side, but never actually letting me hear the full message lol. the alternative was international calling which supposedly was reasonably more expensive than dial up internet connection. Oh, and lots of neopets hehe.