70 Comments
Dec 1, 2022Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

Clearly the best song ever is BEST SONG EVER

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=o_v9MY_FMcw

Expand full comment
author

no

Expand full comment
Dec 5, 2022Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

alex it's in the title

Expand full comment
author

what title sorry

Expand full comment

B(both) S(are) E(true)

Expand full comment
Dec 1, 2022Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

Sadly based on that pic I am not a real one

Expand full comment
author

no no u r

Expand full comment
Dec 1, 2022Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

Okay but like I know ur in my club right

Expand full comment
author

have not received invite

Expand full comment
Dec 5, 2022Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

you are on the VIP list so u don't need an invite

Expand full comment
author

thats not what the bouncer keeps saying

Expand full comment
Dec 1, 2022Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

would NOT want to be in a WA club

Expand full comment
Dec 1, 2022Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

But DO want to be in a BAT club

Expand full comment
author

a group of bats is called a......COLONY

Expand full comment
Dec 1, 2022Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

just fyi when I think circle w a star in it the first thing I think of is the Star of David (the more u know)

Expand full comment

I think I've read somewhere that many stand-up comedians have unusually high levels of self-loathing but I can't confirm this.

I don't think I read you use the term "imposter syndrome" in this essay but it sounds like that's what you are talking about and it affects just about anyone. I think you are wise to move towards self-acceptance (note: this does not prevent you from working hard at trying to be better, it just means that you kinda shrug, learn and move on if you don't reach your goals in a specific situation instead of being stick in a pit of shame and despair).

Just keep swimming.

Expand full comment

That pit of shame and despair is the worst!

Expand full comment
author

THE WORST

Expand full comment
author

Thank you Mark. I have heard of this imposter syndrome but unfortunately I just don't have it. There's just no way that a lil idiot like me could have something as cool as imposter syndrome. I am sure your advice would help those who are suffering from imposter syndrome, but that isn't me. If only I was one of the people who suffered from imposter syndrome, then I could really make some progress.

Expand full comment

But you might be on the imposter spectrum...

Expand full comment

Loved this one. You're doing it, Dobrenko.

Expand full comment
author

awwww

Expand full comment

There's something important you are missing here. That club you make reference to wanting to join may be awesome. But my friend, you've already begun your own club/tribe (the book we were chatting about) that others are excited to join. You are a leader even if you haven't totally accepted that yet. 💟

Expand full comment
author

aw Sue thank you that's so nice...I do not feel like a leader at all but maybe one day I will lol

Expand full comment

We are often the last to see ourselves clearly. 💟

Expand full comment

The first two lines of this essay alone are art.

Expand full comment
author

Thanks so much Charlie!

Expand full comment

I loved this piece! Why? Because it’s really difficult to persuade friends suffering whatever it’s called when you can’t accept a compliment and just thank the person giving it. I have well over six decades of experience and the most frustrating for me has been as an actual complimenter. It’s so frustrating when the complimentee fights back! It makes me question my judgment and doubt my take on that person. It’s not a one way thing, imagine if everyone you complimented argued back that they weren’t worthy of your observation. This is a reasonably new thing for me it’s only recently that I have just got used to accept the compliment, being on my appearance, my art, my writing whatever. Now I am on a mission to show others what a lovely word gift a compliment is. It was one particular friend that just drove me mad not accepting any kind of compliment until I had a big showdown with her. Finally she got it, she’s struggled with it, but she’s getting better at remembering to accept it without argument. People don’t compliment you if they don’t like what you have to offer, remember a refusal often offends, accept it graciously and don’t question other people’s taste! It’s theirs, not yours!

Expand full comment
author

this is so correct. I had an improv director once tell us after a show "when people come up to you after the show and say they loved it, DO NOT ever say 'eh, it wasn't one of my best' - it makes the complimenter feel dumb.'

when people give you a compliment, its not even about you. they are doing it for them, or for the thing thats between yall. but removing the ego from it makes it easier (a truth for any situation)

Expand full comment
Nov 29, 2022Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

It’s hard enough for me to write things on the internet! I don’t know how you perform in front of real, live people!

Expand full comment
author

hahaha

Expand full comment

However hard that rejection was, you got this line out of it: "The miniscule flame of hope I’d carried with me like the little candle a mouse uses to get around the dark attics of a house to find its mouse family, that flame went out for good."

Omg, that is golden!

I totally relate to that feeling. I've bombed on stage before and gone home crying. I've said awkward things to people I admire and wished the world would just swallow me up. It takes a certain kind of masochism to be a creative, doesn't it? But you're most DEFINITELY part of the club!

Expand full comment
author

hahahah i'm so glad that line landed. More than anything, I wanted to keep that line about the mouse and his family in there.

Expand full comment

You did well. That darling was meant to live!

Expand full comment
Nov 29, 2022·edited Nov 29, 2022Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

Amazing post, Alex. Really enjoyed it! I love that you shared so much - it's taught me a lot. You're winning, you really are.

1. No. I'm a bear who walks alone.

2. No. Surely an impossible task? Besides, how would I justify my place on Earth if I were to earn myself the badge that reads 'self-accepted'? It's my life's work to render myself acceptable to myself (let's not even start about being acceptable to others!) - and I'm only 48 and don't want to be anything LIKE acceptable quite yet, thanks, because I'd likely give up and die.

3. I don't want to talk about it. That's the name of the song. And I'll talk about it if you want. But it has to be Rod Stewart's original 1977 track from the 'Atlantic Crossing' album, or we are not friends.

4. Realising I could read the British newspapers online when I was at university in Germany in 1996. Like, WOW.

Expand full comment
author

hahaah rebecca you and I are kindred spirits I believe. this line i felt in the core of my bone marrow: how would I justify my place on Earth if I were to earn myself the badge that reads 'self-accepted'? It's my life's work to render myself acceptable to myself (let's not even start about being acceptable to others!)

listening to i dont want to talk about it now https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w46bWxS9IjY is this the right one?

Expand full comment

Thanks, Alex! So glad you're listening to it! Afraid I couldn't open that link, but no matter. After years of trying to find the right recording I eventually found it on Apple Music, but only by asking Siri for the whole album 'Atlantic Crossing' and bellowing 'Siri, SKIP!' until I got to what would have been the first song on side B if it were vinyl! I listened to that record again and again when I was very, very small (I turned three the year the album came out) and that song is MY song.

Expand full comment

Alex! Thanks again for all your kind words. But more importantly, here is the panel of judges who decided that El Cochinito's Cuban sandwich was the world's best. https://www.cubansandwichfestival.com/ I think you need to report live from the festival for a future newsletter

Expand full comment
author

hey Chris i'm here on the ground in Kissimmee FL and they're saying they read the piece and woudl like me to leave asap can you get down here with backup and also some of that steak plate thing

Expand full comment
Dec 7, 2022·edited Dec 7, 2022Liked by Alex Dobrenko`

1. Do you struggle with the whole ‘I wouldn’t want to be part of any club that will have me’ thing? If not, wtf, how?

Thanks for putting your heart out, its precious to read it in such a fun way, in your way. Reading this also made me realise. fundamental problem I was recently struggling with, i met a few cool clubs who will have me, but i didn't know how to step into the door they held open for me. I've spent years with my back against the world that i forgot to pause and look around that the world i grew up in is fundamentally different to the one that now surrounds me. as i write this, i have done the deed, rsvped and stepped into a cool club that will have me being myself and accept me just as. which is such a weird premise in my mind, why are these moments so rare?

2. Have you learned how to do this whole self acceptance thing and, if so, tell me how.

i walk amongst the trees. they always do this thing where they're tall and bend over gently over me, like they're my guardians. they usually whisper something like "you're ok child" "you can just be, over here". and then i record that whisper and take it home and play it back to relive it everyday.

3. What do you think the best song ever is?

TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO CHOOSE I CANNOT MY HEAD ASPLODES

Edit~ my mind has decided that, indeed, it knows the best song ever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlW7T0SUH0E

4. What are some of your earliest memories of using the internet?

Dad used to travel on work a lot, so before he left, he taught me, an 8yo kid at the time living in india late 90s, how to set up the dial up internet and call him over the internet. it's all just white noise for a few mins, and like some broken radio, occasionally snippets of voice coming thru. the white noise space gave us lots of time to piece together messages of what dad could possibly sharing on the other side, but never actually letting me hear the full message lol. the alternative was international calling which supposedly was reasonably more expensive than dial up internet connection. Oh, and lots of neopets hehe.

Expand full comment
author

hahahaha omg these are some A+ answers . especially the trees. I need trees like these

Expand full comment