I sent Chris a draft of this essay to make sure I didn’t misrepresent anything that happened. Here’s what he sent back:
FROM CHRIS DUFFY
I read the piece and it's very fun and thoughtful and I object to nothing!
My only observation is that this really made me laugh:
"Thanks man, I appreciate that, means a lot coming from you," would have been great, letting the conversation flow naturally from there, just two cool creative guys talking about cool creative stuff."
Because that literally is what you did say and what did happen!
LOL
Love that you're like "I messed it up, if only I'd said this good thing instead" and then the good thing is exactly what you did say and what did happen afterwards
But truly it's a very complimentary essay of me! MAYBE TOO COMPLIMENTARY! I SUSPECT IT BECAUSE IT'S SO NICE. WHAT KIND OF DAMN CLUB IS THIS ANYWAY??? WHO'S JUST LETTING ME INSIDE????
Also there is a Turkey Club, best sandwich ever, joke to be made here
END OF CHRIS MESSAGE
Reading this, I was shocked. First because I missed an absolute gimme easy layup of a joke w the Turkey Club, but even more so because from Chris’ vantage point, I had accepted the invite and all was good! But in my mind, it most clearly wasn’t, which tells me that accepting these sorts of invites is not just about RSVPing yes, but doing so internally by believing that you are allowed in, that you belong, that you are welcome.
And so I must say to my own mind psyche whatever, thank you for finally letting me believe that I can join these clubs, to which the mind psyche would reply, simply:
Somehow, I want to feed your mind psyche a turkey sandwich and some catnip, play Stairway to Heaven backwards, and find a way to get the ancient-before-your-time memory of my father asking me to learn how to use a program called Textra that required actual coding to simply type something in green, fluorescent flickering letters on a squarish TV-looking screen. I love your writing.
I'm glad you pointed this out because I was trying so hard to work out which of your children you didn't talk about and now I don't need to expend that energy anymore
You are a great writer, Alex, and I say that even knowing you are one of the two worst college comedians in America. Your writing is funny and often unexpectedly heartwarming/gut punching, and I love that. To answer your questions
1/ I mostly accept myself but am squeamish about people complimenting my writing. Twice this week people have stopped me when I'm out with my kids to tell me they read my latest post and both times I just sort of loled nervously and changed the subject? Like please don't compliment me anymore I will simply die type vibes. Generally though I'd be happy being a part of a club full of me and I think the secret to this has mostly been childhood trauma (makes you resilient) and therapy. You're too grown up for childhood trauma now but maybe traumatise yourself some other way and then spend some time working through it?
2/ see above
3/ I'm partial to songs by Danny Go. If your kids haven't discovered Danny Go yet I suggest you introduce them next to you need a break - he's on YouTube and his stuff is very catchy (the superhero song is very good.)
4/ MySpace quizzes and MSN messenger screen names written in sticky caps, usually to the tune of a Paramore lyric (YoUrE sUcH a WhO** YoUrE nOtHiNg MoRe seemed less problematic when I was 16)
I'm going to check out your pal's newsletter now. Thanks for recommending
Have a great day and stop beating yourself up so much, even though you basically called your fans losers in this piece we still like you a lot
Hey Alex - whatever happened to the person who won the Best Collegiate Comedian in the World contest? Did they go on to become famous or did they fade into obscurity? What I do know is that you are still doing it professionally 12 years later, so I think you won.
Regarding "...ugh, why are you being so...positive? Positive people are scary."
I wonder about that. I definitely find inauthentic positive people to be scary. And I find inauthentic positive Christians (which, in my profession, I could list as an occupational hazard) to be especially scary, because all that positivity comes wrapped not only in bad psychology, but bad theology. Not to mention the implication that if you don't buy into what they are (oftentimes literally) selling, you lack sufficient faith. Grrr.
But you and others who are authentically positive people? Whose positive thoughts and feelings are hard-earned, gritty, nuanced? Not scary. Instead, I find them (you) inspiring. So thank you.
Hi I'd also like to add a postscript that El Cochinito is now permanently closed (some rumors online say it had something to do with a tax situation? idk) but that means that now the title of best cuban sandwich in the world is up for grabs
Hey Alex - what ever happened to the person who won the "Best Collegiate Comic in the World" competition? Did they go on to be famous, or did they fade into obscurity? What I do know is that you are still doing it professionally 12 years later, so I think you won.
The only thing that helps me is aging. As my body quits giving me eternal youth, i stop seeking youthful ideals like acceptance and popularity. And it DOES feel much better, much nicer, and much easier. You don't give up, you don't let go, but you let go of not giving up, if that makes sense?
I love your stack. I read many and this is the only one I have ever imagined paying money for and not regretting. I will only regret missing the free t-shirts ;) never stop doing what you do. You bring laughter and insight equally. Thank you!
I’m all aboard this Alex Arc(k)! I’m usually one for dark and depreciating but your positive turn is refreshing and uplifting. Maybe because everything is just TOO dark lately I don’t know.
Last weekend I showed work in The Best Art Festival in the CountryTM. We’ve been trying to get in for over a decade but we’re never cool enough (ours a blind jury but not really). Finally WE MADE IT. And the pressure was so intense I ended up sobbing during set up. The show was just as great a$ expected. I was even invited to future cocktails with one of the “cool artists” who gets into everything, like being in the show provided me with a prestigious VIP badge.. So how do I feel now? So ridiculously the same. I don’t feel cooler or better or more important or more talented. But I don’t feel like a sham either. No imposter syndrome. So maybe self acceptance is exactly that: comfy in your skin when the chips are up AND down. Worthy always in both scenarios.
Tell me you saw on Ebaumsworld.com that if you play stairway to heaven backwards you hear satanic lyrics??
Okay but this resonates (the post, not ebaumsworld.com). I worked so hard to get into a reputable business school and then shortly after I got in, I was like okay but does it kind of suck??? Because they let me in, how good can it be?
Which is so backwards and also dangerous because I started to realize how broad and widespread my self-loathing could reach: to the clubs and people around me. And that is no good.
I sent Chris a draft of this essay to make sure I didn’t misrepresent anything that happened. Here’s what he sent back:
FROM CHRIS DUFFY
I read the piece and it's very fun and thoughtful and I object to nothing!
My only observation is that this really made me laugh:
"Thanks man, I appreciate that, means a lot coming from you," would have been great, letting the conversation flow naturally from there, just two cool creative guys talking about cool creative stuff."
Because that literally is what you did say and what did happen!
LOL
Love that you're like "I messed it up, if only I'd said this good thing instead" and then the good thing is exactly what you did say and what did happen afterwards
But truly it's a very complimentary essay of me! MAYBE TOO COMPLIMENTARY! I SUSPECT IT BECAUSE IT'S SO NICE. WHAT KIND OF DAMN CLUB IS THIS ANYWAY??? WHO'S JUST LETTING ME INSIDE????
Also there is a Turkey Club, best sandwich ever, joke to be made here
END OF CHRIS MESSAGE
Reading this, I was shocked. First because I missed an absolute gimme easy layup of a joke w the Turkey Club, but even more so because from Chris’ vantage point, I had accepted the invite and all was good! But in my mind, it most clearly wasn’t, which tells me that accepting these sorts of invites is not just about RSVPing yes, but doing so internally by believing that you are allowed in, that you belong, that you are welcome.
And so I must say to my own mind psyche whatever, thank you for finally letting me believe that I can join these clubs, to which the mind psyche would reply, simply:
you are welcome.
Somehow, I want to feed your mind psyche a turkey sandwich and some catnip, play Stairway to Heaven backwards, and find a way to get the ancient-before-your-time memory of my father asking me to learn how to use a program called Textra that required actual coding to simply type something in green, fluorescent flickering letters on a squarish TV-looking screen. I love your writing.
that was deep. Hope you have a beautiful day. Keep your spirits up and believe you are good enough for anything you want.❤️❤️❤️
oh also this is a rerun lol i don't live in LA anymore
because Chris kicked me out of the club wtf Chris
You know what you did
You'll never work in this town again (LA) because you'll work in other towns instead
I'm glad you pointed this out because I was trying so hard to work out which of your children you didn't talk about and now I don't need to expend that energy anymore
You are a great writer, Alex, and I say that even knowing you are one of the two worst college comedians in America. Your writing is funny and often unexpectedly heartwarming/gut punching, and I love that. To answer your questions
1/ I mostly accept myself but am squeamish about people complimenting my writing. Twice this week people have stopped me when I'm out with my kids to tell me they read my latest post and both times I just sort of loled nervously and changed the subject? Like please don't compliment me anymore I will simply die type vibes. Generally though I'd be happy being a part of a club full of me and I think the secret to this has mostly been childhood trauma (makes you resilient) and therapy. You're too grown up for childhood trauma now but maybe traumatise yourself some other way and then spend some time working through it?
2/ see above
3/ I'm partial to songs by Danny Go. If your kids haven't discovered Danny Go yet I suggest you introduce them next to you need a break - he's on YouTube and his stuff is very catchy (the superhero song is very good.)
4/ MySpace quizzes and MSN messenger screen names written in sticky caps, usually to the tune of a Paramore lyric (YoUrE sUcH a WhO** YoUrE nOtHiNg MoRe seemed less problematic when I was 16)
I'm going to check out your pal's newsletter now. Thanks for recommending
Have a great day and stop beating yourself up so much, even though you basically called your fans losers in this piece we still like you a lot
absolutely💯🤗❤️
Next time you need a break*
Hey Alex - whatever happened to the person who won the Best Collegiate Comedian in the World contest? Did they go on to become famous or did they fade into obscurity? What I do know is that you are still doing it professionally 12 years later, so I think you won.
Not to mention all those great comedians who died an early death. Keep up the good work on all fronts, Alex.
Tenacious D said the best song ever was Metallica's One. I think they said that. Sounds good to me.
Regarding "...ugh, why are you being so...positive? Positive people are scary."
I wonder about that. I definitely find inauthentic positive people to be scary. And I find inauthentic positive Christians (which, in my profession, I could list as an occupational hazard) to be especially scary, because all that positivity comes wrapped not only in bad psychology, but bad theology. Not to mention the implication that if you don't buy into what they are (oftentimes literally) selling, you lack sufficient faith. Grrr.
But you and others who are authentically positive people? Whose positive thoughts and feelings are hard-earned, gritty, nuanced? Not scary. Instead, I find them (you) inspiring. So thank you.
Bohemian rhapsody?
Hi I'd also like to add a postscript that El Cochinito is now permanently closed (some rumors online say it had something to do with a tax situation? idk) but that means that now the title of best cuban sandwich in the world is up for grabs
THIS IS YOUR SHOT
Hey Alex - what ever happened to the person who won the "Best Collegiate Comic in the World" competition? Did they go on to be famous, or did they fade into obscurity? What I do know is that you are still doing it professionally 12 years later, so I think you won.
Kittens and a frog?
I wanted a photo of the Cuban sandwich.
positivity is much better than the opposite, but I know you have to have balance❤️
The only thing that helps me is aging. As my body quits giving me eternal youth, i stop seeking youthful ideals like acceptance and popularity. And it DOES feel much better, much nicer, and much easier. You don't give up, you don't let go, but you let go of not giving up, if that makes sense?
I love your stack. I read many and this is the only one I have ever imagined paying money for and not regretting. I will only regret missing the free t-shirts ;) never stop doing what you do. You bring laughter and insight equally. Thank you!
I’m all aboard this Alex Arc(k)! I’m usually one for dark and depreciating but your positive turn is refreshing and uplifting. Maybe because everything is just TOO dark lately I don’t know.
Last weekend I showed work in The Best Art Festival in the CountryTM. We’ve been trying to get in for over a decade but we’re never cool enough (ours a blind jury but not really). Finally WE MADE IT. And the pressure was so intense I ended up sobbing during set up. The show was just as great a$ expected. I was even invited to future cocktails with one of the “cool artists” who gets into everything, like being in the show provided me with a prestigious VIP badge.. So how do I feel now? So ridiculously the same. I don’t feel cooler or better or more important or more talented. But I don’t feel like a sham either. No imposter syndrome. So maybe self acceptance is exactly that: comfy in your skin when the chips are up AND down. Worthy always in both scenarios.
Tell me you saw on Ebaumsworld.com that if you play stairway to heaven backwards you hear satanic lyrics??
Okay but this resonates (the post, not ebaumsworld.com). I worked so hard to get into a reputable business school and then shortly after I got in, I was like okay but does it kind of suck??? Because they let me in, how good can it be?
Which is so backwards and also dangerous because I started to realize how broad and widespread my self-loathing could reach: to the clubs and people around me. And that is no good.
With you on this one! We’ll get there. 👍🏻👍🏻
Wow. Your stuff is so good Alex. I’ve felt every emotion you’re describing here. ❤️