First, I grew up autistic, and undiagnosed. No, worse: misdiagnosed as ADHD, and given Ritalin, which gave me seizures in my sleep, for which in turn I was given barbiturates. "Miraculously" they stopped when they stopped drugging me. My parents also had me tested for deafness because I would routinely not hear them talking to me even in the same room if I was engrossed in something. (One of their responses to my "rudely ignoring" them was to smack me on the head. Anyway.) Because I didn't understand any of the social rules of childhood, I had no friends - or not more than one at a time, anyway. And I particularly remember the teacher who announced to the whole class, at the beginning of the year, that her "project" was to "bring me out of my shell". (No, it didn't work, but thank you for asking.)
Even without the disadvantages of autism I was introverted - people are exhausting - plus all of my peers were so stupid and childish in my view. I always wanted to talk to adults who did not want to talk to me. Not until my late teens did I begin to find it worth talking to anybody my own age. That attitude did not make me popular.
Second, I was the shortest, smallest kid in a school that valued sports, in particular rugby. Even the fat kids were considered useful in rugby. Nor did I understand the unwritten rules of team sports, even if I had been any good. So that in turn earned me a succession of bullies, as well as the derision of a succession of gym teachers. (To this day, I believe that gym teachers are what bullies who peaked in high school aspire to grow up to be.)
Third, I was Jewish-adjacent. My father was unmistakably Ashkenazi in appearance, but we were raised militantly secular. I was aware that my uncle's family were Jewish, and we went to their bar mitzvahs and weddings and so on, but had no idea what any of it meant other than that we were different from the Christians, who were spoken of in mocking terms in my house. And I was the only circumcised boy in my class, something I became aware of around the age of 11 or 12. I spent the rest of my school years either spinning tales for why I couldn't shower after gym, or just avoiding gym entirely.
Fourth, I was a very smart kid, a math prodigy even. (Unfortunately my talent there would peak around the age of 18, and at college I had to switch from math to computer studies because I couldn't manage college-level math.) I didn't even fit in well with the other smart kids, who were all neat and polite and well-mannered and studied hard rather than relying entirely on natural gifts, the products of lower-upper middle class homes whose parents were proud of them rather than weirded out by them. As you have already guessed, that also earned me bullies.
Once I left school and had a lot more control over my environment and my life generally, it got a lot better. I'm now happily early-retired (I was always prudent with money), have a small but sufficient circle of friends, and have spent much of the last 20 years ensuring that my son had a better childhood than I did.
--Meal prep is often on me, being the female used to doing it, but whoever doesn't cook the meal, has to do the dishes, so there are some plusses in there.
--I'm overweight, had buckteeth and then braces as a kid, so anywhere I went, I was strange. So, locker rooms, source of anxiety, almost always.
--as for Jewish camp, my mom was not religious, so I did not know any of the songs, or prayers, but thank god they transliterated them, and I could sing and shout Adon Olam with the rest of them in no time!
This one made me LOL quite hard. I don't have a penis, hatted or otherwise, but YES I was always weird. I mean, well-liked and whatnot, but inside, a sensitive freak who felt sure she'd been born on an alien planet. NOW it's my "superpower", bla bla bla, but my God, growing up a freak is so painful.
My wife and I essentially alternate dinner prep, swapping days occasionally if one of us has an evening activity (my wife teaches in the evenings fairly often). We are also responsible for cleaning up our own cooking mess. I know there are people who have a rule of one cooks, the other cleans up, but I prefer to clean up as I go, so that wouldn't work for us.)
I have mentioned to several people that locker rooms are weird! You just expect people to change in front of one another, often involuntarily as kids/teens without the option for privacy, and no one seems bothered by this. But today I finally met someone else (a guy) who agreed that it's weird!
1. weird little girl, absolutely...the traditional last to be picked in team games, got pissed in 4th grade when one of the cool girls asked to partner with me on task...since I saw it as a pity act! But thankfully grew out of this, and made friends (with much of my mother's urging) with the other wierd young women by high school.
3. Christian camp, only thing I remember is fainting at early morning prayer (no breakfast) so very embarrassed, and having trouble passing swimming test because my vision was so bad that I kept swimming more the length than the width because I couldn't see the other side.
5. Actually doing well, all things considered, in part because I've started writing again.
7. Meal prep, about 8 years ago my husband and I finally admitted that our meals were so different (on my part because health issues limited diet, but also he lost his sense of smell so needed much spicer food than I could tolerate. Aging is hell on the ability to eat just anything you want. Anyway, life has become just much easier because we both do just prepping for ourselves. He will send hours making up tasty spicy stews and soups that I can't eat, I spend 30 minutes every day prepping the gigantic salad that is my main meal of the day. And we wash and dry the dishes together.
Found this really intriguing. With the exception of the type of camp, the inclusiveness of we are all so similar just stuck out to me. It was refreshing and intimate. The thing that was the most interesting to me was you never mentioned size, especially as an adult. It's difficult for me to fathom that not being a part of the conversation, especially as a male. I mean it's a locker room...
HELL YEAH BROTHER. Loved this one.
How do I weird thee? Let me count the ways.
First, I grew up autistic, and undiagnosed. No, worse: misdiagnosed as ADHD, and given Ritalin, which gave me seizures in my sleep, for which in turn I was given barbiturates. "Miraculously" they stopped when they stopped drugging me. My parents also had me tested for deafness because I would routinely not hear them talking to me even in the same room if I was engrossed in something. (One of their responses to my "rudely ignoring" them was to smack me on the head. Anyway.) Because I didn't understand any of the social rules of childhood, I had no friends - or not more than one at a time, anyway. And I particularly remember the teacher who announced to the whole class, at the beginning of the year, that her "project" was to "bring me out of my shell". (No, it didn't work, but thank you for asking.)
Even without the disadvantages of autism I was introverted - people are exhausting - plus all of my peers were so stupid and childish in my view. I always wanted to talk to adults who did not want to talk to me. Not until my late teens did I begin to find it worth talking to anybody my own age. That attitude did not make me popular.
Second, I was the shortest, smallest kid in a school that valued sports, in particular rugby. Even the fat kids were considered useful in rugby. Nor did I understand the unwritten rules of team sports, even if I had been any good. So that in turn earned me a succession of bullies, as well as the derision of a succession of gym teachers. (To this day, I believe that gym teachers are what bullies who peaked in high school aspire to grow up to be.)
Third, I was Jewish-adjacent. My father was unmistakably Ashkenazi in appearance, but we were raised militantly secular. I was aware that my uncle's family were Jewish, and we went to their bar mitzvahs and weddings and so on, but had no idea what any of it meant other than that we were different from the Christians, who were spoken of in mocking terms in my house. And I was the only circumcised boy in my class, something I became aware of around the age of 11 or 12. I spent the rest of my school years either spinning tales for why I couldn't shower after gym, or just avoiding gym entirely.
Fourth, I was a very smart kid, a math prodigy even. (Unfortunately my talent there would peak around the age of 18, and at college I had to switch from math to computer studies because I couldn't manage college-level math.) I didn't even fit in well with the other smart kids, who were all neat and polite and well-mannered and studied hard rather than relying entirely on natural gifts, the products of lower-upper middle class homes whose parents were proud of them rather than weirded out by them. As you have already guessed, that also earned me bullies.
Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
Dang that’s a whole mess of stuff. How do you feel about yourself these days
Once I left school and had a lot more control over my environment and my life generally, it got a lot better. I'm now happily early-retired (I was always prudent with money), have a small but sufficient circle of friends, and have spent much of the last 20 years ensuring that my son had a better childhood than I did.
Thank you for asking.
"Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk" Brilliant! Long interesting
narrative then you put a great "hat"
on it. 👍😆
--Meal prep is often on me, being the female used to doing it, but whoever doesn't cook the meal, has to do the dishes, so there are some plusses in there.
--I'm overweight, had buckteeth and then braces as a kid, so anywhere I went, I was strange. So, locker rooms, source of anxiety, almost always.
--as for Jewish camp, my mom was not religious, so I did not know any of the songs, or prayers, but thank god they transliterated them, and I could sing and shout Adon Olam with the rest of them in no time!
Adon olam!
Hats should not cover the whole head
This one made me LOL quite hard. I don't have a penis, hatted or otherwise, but YES I was always weird. I mean, well-liked and whatnot, but inside, a sensitive freak who felt sure she'd been born on an alien planet. NOW it's my "superpower", bla bla bla, but my God, growing up a freak is so painful.
My wife and I essentially alternate dinner prep, swapping days occasionally if one of us has an evening activity (my wife teaches in the evenings fairly often). We are also responsible for cleaning up our own cooking mess. I know there are people who have a rule of one cooks, the other cleans up, but I prefer to clean up as I go, so that wouldn't work for us.)
I have mentioned to several people that locker rooms are weird! You just expect people to change in front of one another, often involuntarily as kids/teens without the option for privacy, and no one seems bothered by this. But today I finally met someone else (a guy) who agreed that it's weird!
1. weird little girl, absolutely...the traditional last to be picked in team games, got pissed in 4th grade when one of the cool girls asked to partner with me on task...since I saw it as a pity act! But thankfully grew out of this, and made friends (with much of my mother's urging) with the other wierd young women by high school.
3. Christian camp, only thing I remember is fainting at early morning prayer (no breakfast) so very embarrassed, and having trouble passing swimming test because my vision was so bad that I kept swimming more the length than the width because I couldn't see the other side.
5. Actually doing well, all things considered, in part because I've started writing again.
7. Meal prep, about 8 years ago my husband and I finally admitted that our meals were so different (on my part because health issues limited diet, but also he lost his sense of smell so needed much spicer food than I could tolerate. Aging is hell on the ability to eat just anything you want. Anyway, life has become just much easier because we both do just prepping for ourselves. He will send hours making up tasty spicy stews and soups that I can't eat, I spend 30 minutes every day prepping the gigantic salad that is my main meal of the day. And we wash and dry the dishes together.
8. Loved this post, and love you for real back!
Found this really intriguing. With the exception of the type of camp, the inclusiveness of we are all so similar just stuck out to me. It was refreshing and intimate. The thing that was the most interesting to me was you never mentioned size, especially as an adult. It's difficult for me to fathom that not being a part of the conversation, especially as a male. I mean it's a locker room...
I spent much of my teenage years without all my front teeth. Thank goodness I eventually got dental implants for the 2 that never grew in.
Meal prep = my boyfriend’s job lol. I clean up.