In 5th grade I wrote a 25 page report about rap music. It was epic - I even quoted myself in it. You can hear me read some excerpts from it in this video of a 2011 Mortified show I did in Austin here’s a video of that show if you wanna see baby Alex get up on stage for one of the first times ever.
I’ve realized now that I have strayed too far from my roots, my passion, my calling - writing reports. It’s time to bring that back, so here is my offer:
Comment below with any topic, idea, person, whatever you would like to see a 1000 word 5th grade report on. Whichever has the most votes (as defined by most ‘hearts’ of course), I will write about. The deadline for votes will be I dunno Thursday, July 7th at 8pm PST.
If this is a bad idea and no one responds I will delete this thread and we’ll pretend it never happened.
With love and America
An essay on how you met your wife. In the style of a 5th grader.
Shirley Temple so I can compare it to my 5th grade report on Shirley Temple
Sasha, could you write a report on “What If the Dinosaurs Survived to This Day”?
A wonderful idea!
I would like a report about peanut butter, how much you love it, what kinds of foods you like with it best, do you have jelly preferences, will also accept peanut SAUCE-related content or even just peanuts. The other day I had peanuts avocado sushi and it was DELICIOUS. Feel free to interview/quote me. I have strong opinions!
Also, in your original composition, what were some of the quotes where you quoted yourself? Very resonant!
“Very resonant!” — me a moment ago
Why the cashew is the best nut, and walnuts are the worst, except for Brazil nuts, which are even more bad.
I’d like to read an essay by 5th grade Alex on the pros and cons of wire hangers in the 21st century.
the sharing economy
How Google Images started. I would guess 5th grade Alex would have enjoyed picking this topic randomly out of a hat.