I will write a 5th grade essay on any topic you'd like (top voted topic wins duh)

In 5th grade I wrote a 25 page report about rap music. It was epic - I even quoted myself in it. You can hear me read some excerpts from it in this video of a 2011 Mortified show I did in Austin here’s a video of that show if you wanna see baby Alex get up on stage for one of the first times ever.

want THIS KID to write a report for YOU?

I’ve realized now that I have strayed too far from my roots, my passion, my calling - writing reports. It’s time to bring that back, so here is my offer:

Comment below with any topic, idea, person, whatever you would like to see a 1000 word 5th grade report on. Whichever has the most votes (as defined by most ‘hearts’ of course), I will write about. The deadline for votes will be I dunno Thursday, July 7th at 8pm PST.

If this is a bad idea and no one responds I will delete this thread and we’ll pretend it never happened.

With love and America