I just sent this to my husband with a note: “read this immediately”. When he does, i know that: he will laugh. He will cry. And, most importantly, his mind will be blown to tiny little pieces by that photo of Hulk Hogan and child. Mine was.
Supportive 99% of the time but that 1% blows your mind. Was I adopted or what????
2. Do you or have you ever had children? Do they hate you and if not why? Yes of course… but crunch time and they remember who’s dada mama and everything in between until it’s time to be the embarrassment of the decade or century… I dread when I downgrade to cringe status.
3. Gets easier? No…
4. Ignore. Call him cousin!?
My kid called me sibling for a while. Called granny mum and just carried on annoying the relations vocab. We all played along and then we all git our roles back. Took a few years. New relatikns were invented too.
1, yes. It's been years since I had two, one feels an orphan. And I am loosing the second-it's a cruel way to lose a parent, then, which one isn't? Few die peacefully in their sleep being precisely 120 y.o
2. yes and yes. Actually they adore me. Why? no idea, I admitted. I am srict and all, like in that old astrology book "firm hand, fairy tale before bed, and a good-night kiss". Now they bring me :fairy-tale"s to read...and hold my less firm hand...They're my universe-maybe they know that, and it doesn't irritate them..I try not to make it scary. It scary to know you're somebody's universe....
4. "that too shall pass"-and will become something else
Thank you, Alex.
Kiss Emma June and all the family from me(or from yourself, doesn't matter, you'll kiss them anyway)
i love you and i love this as always. i particularly love your "VENT diagram." wonderful!
in answer to your questions, i DO have parents and i love them very much AND i'll say that my relationship with them now that i am an adult is very different from my relationship with them when i was 1.5 years old, so i'm optimistic for you!
and i think the fact that wilder called your wife "dada" bodes well for the future of society! and your writing career! and wilder's comedy career?
Ohhh wow, the memories this stirs up. We have six kids (I know, I know) ages 15-27. And several of them hit this exact stage with a vengeance, and my husband will be the first to tell you it stung. It's the yoyo effect. From your description, Wilder has made some big developmental strides lately PLUS you're away from home (yoyo unrolling away, what a pro!) which in my experience nearly always means a very hard rebound (yoyo rolling back up and hitting you in the face).
After (or during) a big developmental milestone or any major disruption to the routine, my toddlers almost always yoyoed up to me HARD. Only mama would do, to the exasperation of everyone else. Then things would level off and they'd return to the norm of wanting me for boring stuff (food, sleep), but their dad for big big fun. Except kid #5, who at age three answered my "Good morning!" with a glare and "I hate when people say that." Whereas if my husband was the first one up, she would beam at him and say, "Look, it's just us two!"
So hang in there for your fifth kid, is what I'm saying.
By the way I have two teenage girls. They occasionally hate me. But can’t get through the day without needing my help in weird ways. For example: ‘Mum can you pick me up from school as I cut up an onion in Food Tech and now I stink’.
God I was giggling and aw-ing all the way through this. We don’t have a little one yet. But soon! We both cannot wait for the fullness of it all. Thank you for writing the truth & making us laugh in the process.
Makes me think of a fave family video, when my then 2-year-old nephew was playing outside and my brother Jon (“Dada” up to that point) walked outside to film the cuteness, and nephew/son looks at him with this stone-cold, chubby-cheeked killer face and orders “Go inside, Jon.”
I am my 7yo's favorite person in the world, but I come second to his stuffed bear, which he never, never lets me forget.
He also screamed "motherfuckers" at me and my partner/his dad yesterday when we told him it was time to brush his teeth, so.
I just sent this to my husband with a note: “read this immediately”. When he does, i know that: he will laugh. He will cry. And, most importantly, his mind will be blown to tiny little pieces by that photo of Hulk Hogan and child. Mine was.
1. Parents?
Supportive 99% of the time but that 1% blows your mind. Was I adopted or what????
2. Do you or have you ever had children? Do they hate you and if not why? Yes of course… but crunch time and they remember who’s dada mama and everything in between until it’s time to be the embarrassment of the decade or century… I dread when I downgrade to cringe status.
3. Gets easier? No…
4. Ignore. Call him cousin!?
My kid called me sibling for a while. Called granny mum and just carried on annoying the relations vocab. We all played along and then we all git our roles back. Took a few years. New relatikns were invented too.
5. N/A
I re-read it I believe-and loved it, yet again
1, yes. It's been years since I had two, one feels an orphan. And I am loosing the second-it's a cruel way to lose a parent, then, which one isn't? Few die peacefully in their sleep being precisely 120 y.o
2. yes and yes. Actually they adore me. Why? no idea, I admitted. I am srict and all, like in that old astrology book "firm hand, fairy tale before bed, and a good-night kiss". Now they bring me :fairy-tale"s to read...and hold my less firm hand...They're my universe-maybe they know that, and it doesn't irritate them..I try not to make it scary. It scary to know you're somebody's universe....
4. "that too shall pass"-and will become something else
Thank you, Alex.
Kiss Emma June and all the family from me(or from yourself, doesn't matter, you'll kiss them anyway)
dear alex
i love you and i love this as always. i particularly love your "VENT diagram." wonderful!
in answer to your questions, i DO have parents and i love them very much AND i'll say that my relationship with them now that i am an adult is very different from my relationship with them when i was 1.5 years old, so i'm optimistic for you!
and i think the fact that wilder called your wife "dada" bodes well for the future of society! and your writing career! and wilder's comedy career?
love you!
myq
ALEX! You beautifully captured parenting as a meaning of life. And you did so hilariously.
Thanks. And I hope you get some sleep!
This was hilarious and so relatable (from Lauren's perspective that is :))
Funny 😂
Ohhh wow, the memories this stirs up. We have six kids (I know, I know) ages 15-27. And several of them hit this exact stage with a vengeance, and my husband will be the first to tell you it stung. It's the yoyo effect. From your description, Wilder has made some big developmental strides lately PLUS you're away from home (yoyo unrolling away, what a pro!) which in my experience nearly always means a very hard rebound (yoyo rolling back up and hitting you in the face).
After (or during) a big developmental milestone or any major disruption to the routine, my toddlers almost always yoyoed up to me HARD. Only mama would do, to the exasperation of everyone else. Then things would level off and they'd return to the norm of wanting me for boring stuff (food, sleep), but their dad for big big fun. Except kid #5, who at age three answered my "Good morning!" with a glare and "I hate when people say that." Whereas if my husband was the first one up, she would beam at him and say, "Look, it's just us two!"
So hang in there for your fifth kid, is what I'm saying.
Also… HUGE congratulations on the birth of your daughter!
I love your essays, and your Vent Diagram.
By the way I have two teenage girls. They occasionally hate me. But can’t get through the day without needing my help in weird ways. For example: ‘Mum can you pick me up from school as I cut up an onion in Food Tech and now I stink’.
(I didn’t)
Great story! I love your writing style and I'm looking forward to reading more of your stuff! 😁
God I was giggling and aw-ing all the way through this. We don’t have a little one yet. But soon! We both cannot wait for the fullness of it all. Thank you for writing the truth & making us laugh in the process.
The Vent Diagram gets me every time! PS Hopefully Wilder is keen on the screaming and not like "I think my sister hates me"! ? ?
CONGRATULATIONS 🎉🎉🎉 ☺️
Makes me think of a fave family video, when my then 2-year-old nephew was playing outside and my brother Jon (“Dada” up to that point) walked outside to film the cuteness, and nephew/son looks at him with this stone-cold, chubby-cheeked killer face and orders “Go inside, Jon.”