68 Comments
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Madeline's avatar

pls por favor read this also amazing car essay https://thingstolucat.com/2020/05/10/reverse-averse-van/

Chloe Hope's avatar

Personally, I’m fairly certain that the Apple folks have seen the light & have thought to themselves “Ok, how are we going to stop the dystopian nightmare that we’re heading towards..?” And then realized that they could pretend to be releasing a product so utterly repugnant, so dehumanizing that the Dad doesn’t even take it off to interact with his children, that it finally pushes people toward rejecting a transhumanist future and instead return to the land and grow their own produce. So, I see you, Apple. Love what you’re doing.

Mike Sowden's avatar

You're so grumpy this morning, darling. Nightmares? Did the nasty robots make you feel wobbly things? Well, that's the last time I try baking with cheese.

Less disrespectfully, and tackling 3):

I'm not quite so worried about the machines. Not really. I mean, yes, there's plenty to keep an eye on there - but A.I. is still a long way short of 'the singularity', as far as I can gather. It's still a search engine, taking an enormous gulp of human output and extrapolating or interpolating or whatever-ating between all the pieces and then saying the results are original instead of, you know, a casserole of essentially stolen ingredients. (A casserole that might randomly contain inedible things, like ground glass, or gravel.)

What I'm worried about are the humans seeing a new way to cut other humans out of the picture to make more money: https://techinformed.com/bt-to-cut-55000-jobs-and-replace-10000-of-them-with-ai/

That's what I'm most worried about.

But you nailed it with your point too: that there's no point augmenting the human experience if we're not even using our *existing* human experience as fully as we could be. That seems like a spectacular, expensive existential own-goal (one that science fiction dystopias have been warning folk about for around a century - and, indirectly, writers like Florence Williams: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/02/books/review/nature-fix-florence-williams.html).

I know this comment wasn't funny like my normal ones, but yeah, the potential for "humans using robots to be crappy to other humans for money reasons" shenanigans doesn't strike me as a laugh-a-minute.

Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

and yet here we are one day later and you're cooking cheese curds and cheese burgers

a. natasha joukovsky's avatar

This is so fucking funny. Only edit I have is when you use this thing, you no longer have “eyes”--they become “face eggs.” Find & replace.

Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

yes those are face eggs but so are these - https://www.instagram.com/p/B-5WTFMJPXr/

lauren made them and i think the whole world should know

Mills Baker's avatar

going to buy these fuckers and read every single letter of Alex Dobrenko content in them for the rest of my life and there’s nothing you or your van can do to stop me

Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

hang on, you read my posts...by the letter? Brother no that's -- try combining the letters into words and reading those lmk

Mills Baker's avatar

i didn’t invent substack for chunking speed reading freaks; i’m a man of LETTERS dog, try words on me and find out!!!!!!!

Mike Sowden's avatar

This is the energy the anti-Alex-Dobrenko resistance needs. Would you reconsider your choices here on principled, moral grounds? Or for money? Either works.

Katie's avatar

LOL Are you screening for the anti-Alex-Dobrenko army?!

Mike Sowden's avatar

I cannot confirm nor deny this.

But yes, I am.

Katie's avatar

Alright you two, I’m neutral on this feud until one of you asks me to pick a side and then I’ll flip like a flapjack.

Dane Benko's avatar

Are you steamed about these glasses or do i need to relax?

Steamed.

What was the last or best time something was pitched as ‘gonna change the world’?

I'm really loving what crypto turned out to be:

Cryptobro: "Hi, we innovated a financial instrument that does nothing really except that it can't be regulated by the SEC."

The SEC: "We're gonna regulate that."

Cryptobro: "GAWD why are you so against innovation?"

Are we gonna be okay?

Yeh.

How do you thnk (sic) about tech and advancement and all that stupid stuff?

Your point about "do something that we already do but worse" is the big thing: technology is actually really useful and important in improving quality of life and the domain of human endeavors. It's just that the tech actually needs to be developed with solving problems in mind, not trying to turn people's lives into subscription services.

Whats a great memory you have that involves no technology?

I grew up without television service so am absolutely one of those "went outside when the sun came up and didn't come home until the sun came down" nostalgics.

Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

the hell is that (sic) doin there i didnt write that

Geoffrey Golden's avatar

I’ll buy a pair of Apple Vision goggles if, when they adjust to show someone your real eyes, you have the option to project evil lizard man eyes instead.

Abigail's avatar

I get the hate, but I think you should give these iGoggles a chance, Alex.

Jude Klinger's avatar

As the saying goes....what could possibly go wrong?

And you missed my favorite part, where you call people who aren't Vision-Pro-ing in their groovy ski googles and you get to see their real faces, just like on Zoom, but all they see of you is a life-less bot face. That sounds like a gotta-have-it-now-deal-sealer.

Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

wait i didn't get to that part that makes me hurl

Niall Etheridge's avatar

At least people will develop some proper neck muscles while their ass grows and their limbs atrophy.

Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

ppl w poor neck muscles burn

Keith Walpole's avatar

I’ve got a 2004 Astro van! Best van ever.

Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

“Good”

No better review than that

Mr. Troy Ford's avatar

That's a lot of fingering - I see with my critical indicators of connection and emotion a bright future for the field of human resources and sexual harassment law.

publius_x's avatar

So disappointed that they went with EyeSight rather than iSight. Jobs is turning in his marketing grave.

Chris Best's avatar

> but in Reality, you at least won’t look like a fucking idiot.

Don't make promises you can't keep 😭

Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

Is this a threat

Andrew Paul Koole's avatar

I laughed out loud through this whole thing.

Michele Miles Gardiner's avatar

I'm with you. I'd choose the "good" van, and real roadtrips away from these tech zombies.