Funny and painfully honest, that's Both are True! I am a fan, but I've got to be honest, I feel empathy for Laur. Please buy her some good quality chocolates and flowers and tell her I said so.
- from a fan who has been married since 1984 and had three kids spread out over 12 years just so we could be sure to never have time to ourselves for as long as possible!
I love this, Alex! And I really love the bucket concept. I'm going to steal the bucket and give buckets to everyone I know, and maybe they'll do the same, and then from there, everyone will have a bucket, and instead of overflowing with all of the triggering emotions, everyone on this planet will just think about the status of their bucket and do their best to self-regulate before the shit gets too real and you say / do something you can't unsay / undo. All that being said, I'm wondering if there's a way to drill a very small hole in the bottom of your bucket? Not so much that everyone that goes into the bucket falls onto the floor, but just enough so that the bucket drains without you even having to think about the bucket's status, or tip it over. Sure, there will be days when it rains and the hole won't be enough, but there will be other days, most days, I think, when the situation is mid or meh or not really vibing, and that bucket will begin to get full, but then there will be this tiny hole at the bottom, and the stuff will drain, so that even on those days where the little things normally would get you down, and sometimes send you crashing into the big things that can take you down, none of that happens and the bucket just feels kinda heavy, but it doesn't overflow. Is that feasible, or have I stretched this bucket metaphor too far?
There is no end to it - parenting adults is a whole other thing, though they hardly ever sneeze in your face. I have no words of advice except this: it's best not to tell anyone else how to parent!
Incredible how familiar all of this is. Our bucket system is more like an emergency tap-out system. One of us will be dealing with our toddler going jelly-boned in the bathroom before bedtime, rolling his eyes and laughing like a psychotic nightmare clown, while the not-quite-walking-yet baby does her damnedest to get her hands into the toilet -- and that person sometimes just needs to walk straight out of that bathroom and tell the other one: "I need you to take over." The goal is to do that before you dislocate the toddler's shoulder.
What's amazing is how rare it is that BOTH of us feel like we have to tap out at the same time. Sure, it happens, and when it does someone probably ends up losing their temper and then there's got to be some damage control and so on. But it really doesn't happen as often as you're afraid it will when you venture into the agreement that whenever one of you needs to tap out, you get to tap out.
Looking back, I think the reason overlapping "full buckets" are so uncommon is because very often, when my wife says, "I need help," it triggers a flood of endorphins that make me feel like a hero, and I'm pretty sure the same thing happens to her when the roles are reversed. It's like, "I got you, babe. Check out this badass parenting judo."
Anyway. It sounds like you guys have a pretty fantastic thing going. Absolutely bring in another kid. Spread that wealth.
I forgot to mention: all the images are actual photographs (Canon Mark x5, 30/30 focal)
Funny and painfully honest, that's Both are True! I am a fan, but I've got to be honest, I feel empathy for Laur. Please buy her some good quality chocolates and flowers and tell her I said so.
- from a fan who has been married since 1984 and had three kids spread out over 12 years just so we could be sure to never have time to ourselves for as long as possible!
Ok the illustrations are amazing.
The bucket concept is a great one. And the illustrations? Primo!
Your writing keeps getting better and better! Funny, insightful, raw, honest. So great!
I think that the ability to be so honest about a scenario like that is a rare and beautiful thing. Not weak! Strong!
One of the best things I've read.
EVER.
🙌
holy fuck this is actually so good and i love the way you wrote it. more!!
I love this, Alex! And I really love the bucket concept. I'm going to steal the bucket and give buckets to everyone I know, and maybe they'll do the same, and then from there, everyone will have a bucket, and instead of overflowing with all of the triggering emotions, everyone on this planet will just think about the status of their bucket and do their best to self-regulate before the shit gets too real and you say / do something you can't unsay / undo. All that being said, I'm wondering if there's a way to drill a very small hole in the bottom of your bucket? Not so much that everyone that goes into the bucket falls onto the floor, but just enough so that the bucket drains without you even having to think about the bucket's status, or tip it over. Sure, there will be days when it rains and the hole won't be enough, but there will be other days, most days, I think, when the situation is mid or meh or not really vibing, and that bucket will begin to get full, but then there will be this tiny hole at the bottom, and the stuff will drain, so that even on those days where the little things normally would get you down, and sometimes send you crashing into the big things that can take you down, none of that happens and the bucket just feels kinda heavy, but it doesn't overflow. Is that feasible, or have I stretched this bucket metaphor too far?
I was cracking up and even though I don’t have kids--can resonate. Keep it up!!!
Something about your awesome sketches remind me of “Hyperbole and a Half” which I used to read many moons ago.
There is no end to it - parenting adults is a whole other thing, though they hardly ever sneeze in your face. I have no words of advice except this: it's best not to tell anyone else how to parent!
dear alex,
i love you and this.
specific beloved things include:
-- I’ll chill in our bedroom, meditate so fucking hard, and I’ll reach Nirvana by nightfall
-- how a violinist’s performance sounds beautiful to everyone except the violinist
-- I’m late, I’m late, for a very important Retrate
-- “I can’t, because having two with someone else would mean three in total, and that’s too many.”
-- and much much more!
you are a beautiful violinist!
love,
myq
Incredible how familiar all of this is. Our bucket system is more like an emergency tap-out system. One of us will be dealing with our toddler going jelly-boned in the bathroom before bedtime, rolling his eyes and laughing like a psychotic nightmare clown, while the not-quite-walking-yet baby does her damnedest to get her hands into the toilet -- and that person sometimes just needs to walk straight out of that bathroom and tell the other one: "I need you to take over." The goal is to do that before you dislocate the toddler's shoulder.
What's amazing is how rare it is that BOTH of us feel like we have to tap out at the same time. Sure, it happens, and when it does someone probably ends up losing their temper and then there's got to be some damage control and so on. But it really doesn't happen as often as you're afraid it will when you venture into the agreement that whenever one of you needs to tap out, you get to tap out.
Looking back, I think the reason overlapping "full buckets" are so uncommon is because very often, when my wife says, "I need help," it triggers a flood of endorphins that make me feel like a hero, and I'm pretty sure the same thing happens to her when the roles are reversed. It's like, "I got you, babe. Check out this badass parenting judo."
Anyway. It sounds like you guys have a pretty fantastic thing going. Absolutely bring in another kid. Spread that wealth.
“To which I respond, ever the peacemaker, ‘yeah well then maybe you should have a 2nd kid with someone else, cuz this is who I am.’”
This made me laugh so hard on the subway just now.
My bucket is full is an opposite of my cup is not full...