24 Comments
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Eduardo de Leon's avatar

My wife once tried to turn down the radio, after starting the car, but the radio wasn’t on - it was the baby.

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Mike "Bagel"'s avatar

This is the most relatable post you've shared yet, even though I'm not a parent. I cringed about 16 times reading this, like "oh god, I've done all of these things in my marriage, and it feels so hard like 1 step forward 1.5 steps back sometimes". But now I have a fun Elmo analogy to use, so problem solved!

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Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

hahaha oh man i should just write more about how hard being married is (love my wife obviously hi lauren)

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Mansi's avatar

Yeah do it! It’s already been well established that Lauren loves you and accepts you for who you are AND claim to be.

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Parth Agrawal's avatar

I. LOVE THIS!! at the paragraph abt the PR team in suits I started laughing out loud. I can’t remember the last time I actually enjoyed a funny essay this much. Reading this also helped me feel less alone in my conflicts with my partner. I also have a habit of feeling like breaking up is the only safe way to find space. Reading an account of how a strong relationship can contain that, and more, is relieving. Thank you for writing this dude.

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Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

ah man this just made my day thank YOU for writing it Parth seriously

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Brianna Leigh's avatar

Ear plugs!

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Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

BUT THEN I COULDN'T COMPLAIN

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Brianna Leigh's avatar

🤣 you can still hear it - just not at the level that makes you want to toss them out the window!

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Writ Nowt's avatar

The caveat “I’m an adult male btw” should be mandatory before saying anything I reckon. Just to soften the blow

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Wibtal by Jolaade's avatar

Father to 10-month old and this is so relatable - I feel seen

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kate's avatar

this was so funny and relatable- great writing( and illustrations)👌

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Mansi's avatar

My husband, who wasn’t a father at the time, picked a neighbor’s baby who was in our house and crying at the time he came home from work (I was giving the frazzled mom a break), dangled him over the foyer from two stories high and said “make this thing stop!”

So, yeah, I get the reaction to the crying.

He wasn’t any different when, fast forward six years, our kid did it. My solution was to leave the house in whatever clothed stage the baby and I were in. It usually calmed us both down enough to manage the man of the house.

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Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

hahahah

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Violet Carol's avatar

I cannot explain it but that random picture of a pail sent me into a tizzy of laughter LOLOL thank you for this gem 😂

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Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

hahah classic bucket stuff

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Architectonic's avatar

My like button has disappeared because shenanigans but I like this! <3

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Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

shenanigans? do say more plz

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Architectonic's avatar

The Substack app has decided I don't get a heart button any more and I don't know what I did to deserve that but I'm sorry, I think?

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Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

what in the heck

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Emily Henderson's avatar

I have four kids, and twelve years separate the oldest from the youngest. When the oldest was an infant, I couldn't stand the sound of his tears. I instantly broke out in a flop sweat and struggled to breathe. I remember a particularly bad outing that ended in my holding a screaming baby while pushing an empty stroller a half mile back to my house. When the youngest cries, I have to stop myself from laughing. The sound is so quaint.

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Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

hahaha

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Mindy's avatar

Thanks so much for sharing this old essay. It's so lovely, so real. I love it when you take us on a deep dive of your life like this.

When my former husband and I had our first child, we were in the car & the babe was screaming and hubs screamed, "shut the fuck up!" I was horrified. It was the beginning of the end, though we didn't divorce until 7 years later after a total of 18 years. I appreciate how your story helps me understand what he may have been feeling in that moment where he lost his shit. He wasn't able to share about his experience and I didn't know how to ask or feel into him beyond his outburst. I was paralyzed with judgement and revulsion.

With a crying baby, I go very Zen. I drop into my body and breathe slowly and deeply. I feel the presence of need in the baby and from my dropped in place, I seek to connect with them. I imagine some of the greatest human need is to be seen, heard and felt by another, so that is the place I go energetically. Oftentimes from that place, I can intuit what is needed. Sometimes it is a walk outside or a change in position. Sometimes it is just being felt in their distress about something that can't be fixed in the moment, such as being stuck in a carseat or having a belly ache. This zen capacity was born when I had a baby. I don't think it was present before then.

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Alex Dobrenko`'s avatar

oh man thank you for sharing Mindy! I need the zen.

I think instead of zen what comes up for me is just this madness of feeling like i am being attacked lol, like it triggers something that makes me think i'm being actually attacked which is very hard to bounce back from but I am getting better at it (i think? I hope?)

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