also: everyone go check out Kimia's substack, she's the cool lady who works with AI and said my AI post was SPOT ON, so she's a good person for sure -- https://kimiadargahi.substack.com/
ALEX! Once again you put it out there, and once again I'm in awe of what you do. Yeah the jokes are great; they're focus group tested, after all. But it's the way you lead with your heart that really speaks to me, and at the risk of speaking for the BAT community, I think your vulnerable style speaks to everyone here.
I don't struggle with ADHD, or any kind of decision challenges, so it's difficult for me to understand what that's like. But I think this essay might be the best explanation I've seen. Thank you for that! Also, on behalf of someone who might not feel comfortable leaving a comment, thank you for making that person feel seen!
Here's the thing: you are not alone. I struggle with depression and anxiety. Believe it or not, I used to think that anxiety was just my personality, and just as bad, a key ingredient to my humor. Yikes. That was a fun one to unwind in therapy. Meanwhile, I thought depression was something I could avoid by making my bed every morning and walking a lot, and while both of those habits help, the idea that you can just do X, or Y, or even Z to avoid whatever mental health issues you're dealing with is, well, bonkers, and also a really good recipe for shit going totally off the rails at some point.
What I've learned about mental health is that the hardest part is naming the problem. A close second is dealing with whatever ails you, and of course, doing that dealing is really fucking hard. But, and I think this is really important, the only people I've seen who fail to make any progress at all are the ones who refuse to name the problem. And I don't mean name it like put a clinical label on it, I mean name it like saying to themselves, the people they love, and ideally a therapists, "my shit is fucked up, please help!" It's a sad thing to admit, but as a 45-year-old dude, I think I know more people who have come eyeball to eyeball with their own titanic situations and said, "yeah, I'm just gonna bury all of this emotional turmoil deeper than Davy Jones's locker." In contrast, I know a few people, like you, who have said, "my shit is fucked up, please help!" And the thing about those people is that they struggle. They really fucking struggle. But they don't struggle alone, my friend, and I think that's important.
One last thing, and I don't want to invalidate anything I said here, but I feel it's important to get all of this out there because you're a pretend lawyer and I think full-disclosure is warranted. I never saw Titanic. I don't think that changes anything, but since I haven't seen it, I don't really know. But I want you to know that I haven't seen Titanic, just in case I'm out here giving bad advice. Please don't pretend sue me.
Tik Tok keeps telling me I have ADHD (showing me ADHD content) and I don't know if I agree or not, but I did have to delete Tik Tok because I got to the point where I couldn't watch them all the way through, even the 30-second ones, because I just kept scrolling after two or three seconds.
This was like being stuck inside of one of those dreams you have when you've got a bad head cold and post nasal drip keeps waking you up. Except I hate those and I loved this.
Also I've been working on a post about ADD/ADHD (which I definitely have, along with approximately 50% of people, but here I am getting ahead of myself), and I'll probably bug you for your thoughts on the subject before I finish and publish it.
I would have crashed head first into that iceberg, always take challenges like that. And anyway, isn't it just basically another pebble to overcome in the road that is life (except it's made of water so even easier).
It's also been (scientifically) proven that it would have been the better (third) option so there's that. Check it out if you don't believe me.
i love you! and i very much enjoy "Daddy Starbuck"!
and here are the answers to your questions:
1) Would you have done ANYTHING differently in terms of running The Titanic?
Yes.
2) Do you also have mental health stuff? If so do you wanna share so I don’t feel so alone?
I do! I have obsessive tendencies. Or compulsive ones. Or both. Or neither. Or some combination. Do you feel less alone yet? I want you to. I'm here with you.
3) Is decision paralysis a thing in your life? If not, what’s that like? If so, what’s that like?
For me, it's not really. Or maybe it is. (That part is a joke. It's really not very much for me.) It does take some work I think for me to think about the things I want to do and to think about how when I'm doing something of a different category, that's what I've decided to do. Could you reframe it as, when you feel decision-paralyzed, you're DECIDING to feel that way? Because maybe part of you is! If that helps you feel it less, or accept that you're feeling it more. Or other. Your choice!
4) This one wasn't a question. I finished your questions!
I drowned reading this, only to catch a second wind and sail majestically to the shore. I’m sunbathing now and feeling accomplished. Thank you, loved all of it :)
To be honest the one bad Titanic decision that really galls me is their failure to load the lifeboats to full capacity. Everything else kinda falls in the spectrum of understandable, but not forgiveable. The lifeboats thing is like "At this point you're acting like you want people to die."
Very funny AND a disturbing stream of consciousness. If you were not prone to barrister impersonation I would say "Both Are True" -- What is true is this is an AWESOME new subscription for me and I, due to my quirks and mental challenges try to limit myself to 10 subscriptions!!!
How much I am paralysed by a decision is inversely correlated with how important the decision is.
Thought process when choosing between vegetable chow mein vs pork chow mein: Oh god, uh... I'm not vegetarian, but I believe in it as a concept. But I haven't had meat in a couple of weeks, and I probably need the protein, and it's potentially tastier. But the veggie option is slightly cheaper, and probably slightly more nutritious... Isn't there another place that does chow mein? That place could be better, or cheaper, or deliver faster. But also I already had a takeaway earlier this week, and although I have enough money, it seems decadent to have yet another takeaway - if I kept getting takeaways this frequently how much money would I be spending per year? Anyway, we have soup at home, I could eat some soup. Oh wait, they have udon noodles too. Oh, actually I realise I'm going to be busy the next couple of days so whatever I eat there will be leftovers and I'm not sure if someone will eat them, I don't want to waste food. But I really don't feel like eating some soup. Everyone else is waiting on me now, so I'll just pick one... Although I ought to go for something I haven't tried before rather than sticking to the same thing. Everything on this menu is expensive... I'll just eat chocolate for dinner.
Thought process when the opportunity arises to move across the country: yup, sure, just give me a sec to email my landlord.
i think i dissociated a little bit while reading this, in a good way! also, i eat a PB&B every morning for breakfast, and it is 100% to avoid having to make a decision. i don't even like bananas that much! anyway all this ship talk made me remember the song Another New World by Josh Ritter (also performed by the Punch Brothers) and man that is a great song, i recommend it.
also: everyone go check out Kimia's substack, she's the cool lady who works with AI and said my AI post was SPOT ON, so she's a good person for sure -- https://kimiadargahi.substack.com/
HELLO WELCOME NEW FOLKS THE VIBES ARE VIBING IN THEIR VIBING MANNER OF VIBES COME VIBE
I would change nothing about the Titanic just like I would change nothing about Applebee's.
ALEX! Once again you put it out there, and once again I'm in awe of what you do. Yeah the jokes are great; they're focus group tested, after all. But it's the way you lead with your heart that really speaks to me, and at the risk of speaking for the BAT community, I think your vulnerable style speaks to everyone here.
I don't struggle with ADHD, or any kind of decision challenges, so it's difficult for me to understand what that's like. But I think this essay might be the best explanation I've seen. Thank you for that! Also, on behalf of someone who might not feel comfortable leaving a comment, thank you for making that person feel seen!
Here's the thing: you are not alone. I struggle with depression and anxiety. Believe it or not, I used to think that anxiety was just my personality, and just as bad, a key ingredient to my humor. Yikes. That was a fun one to unwind in therapy. Meanwhile, I thought depression was something I could avoid by making my bed every morning and walking a lot, and while both of those habits help, the idea that you can just do X, or Y, or even Z to avoid whatever mental health issues you're dealing with is, well, bonkers, and also a really good recipe for shit going totally off the rails at some point.
What I've learned about mental health is that the hardest part is naming the problem. A close second is dealing with whatever ails you, and of course, doing that dealing is really fucking hard. But, and I think this is really important, the only people I've seen who fail to make any progress at all are the ones who refuse to name the problem. And I don't mean name it like put a clinical label on it, I mean name it like saying to themselves, the people they love, and ideally a therapists, "my shit is fucked up, please help!" It's a sad thing to admit, but as a 45-year-old dude, I think I know more people who have come eyeball to eyeball with their own titanic situations and said, "yeah, I'm just gonna bury all of this emotional turmoil deeper than Davy Jones's locker." In contrast, I know a few people, like you, who have said, "my shit is fucked up, please help!" And the thing about those people is that they struggle. They really fucking struggle. But they don't struggle alone, my friend, and I think that's important.
One last thing, and I don't want to invalidate anything I said here, but I feel it's important to get all of this out there because you're a pretend lawyer and I think full-disclosure is warranted. I never saw Titanic. I don't think that changes anything, but since I haven't seen it, I don't really know. But I want you to know that I haven't seen Titanic, just in case I'm out here giving bad advice. Please don't pretend sue me.
Making a fake website for The Gap is next level commitment to a bit
Tik Tok keeps telling me I have ADHD (showing me ADHD content) and I don't know if I agree or not, but I did have to delete Tik Tok because I got to the point where I couldn't watch them all the way through, even the 30-second ones, because I just kept scrolling after two or three seconds.
This was like being stuck inside of one of those dreams you have when you've got a bad head cold and post nasal drip keeps waking you up. Except I hate those and I loved this.
Also I've been working on a post about ADD/ADHD (which I definitely have, along with approximately 50% of people, but here I am getting ahead of myself), and I'll probably bug you for your thoughts on the subject before I finish and publish it.
Black mirror and Alice's Adventures in Wonderland! What a fascinating, beautiful, heart-felt ride.
I would have crashed head first into that iceberg, always take challenges like that. And anyway, isn't it just basically another pebble to overcome in the road that is life (except it's made of water so even easier).
It's also been (scientifically) proven that it would have been the better (third) option so there's that. Check it out if you don't believe me.
dear alex,
i love you! and i very much enjoy "Daddy Starbuck"!
and here are the answers to your questions:
1) Would you have done ANYTHING differently in terms of running The Titanic?
Yes.
2) Do you also have mental health stuff? If so do you wanna share so I don’t feel so alone?
I do! I have obsessive tendencies. Or compulsive ones. Or both. Or neither. Or some combination. Do you feel less alone yet? I want you to. I'm here with you.
3) Is decision paralysis a thing in your life? If not, what’s that like? If so, what’s that like?
For me, it's not really. Or maybe it is. (That part is a joke. It's really not very much for me.) It does take some work I think for me to think about the things I want to do and to think about how when I'm doing something of a different category, that's what I've decided to do. Could you reframe it as, when you feel decision-paralyzed, you're DECIDING to feel that way? Because maybe part of you is! If that helps you feel it less, or accept that you're feeling it more. Or other. Your choice!
4) This one wasn't a question. I finished your questions!
thanks Alex!
love
myq
I drowned reading this, only to catch a second wind and sail majestically to the shore. I’m sunbathing now and feeling accomplished. Thank you, loved all of it :)
To be honest the one bad Titanic decision that really galls me is their failure to load the lifeboats to full capacity. Everything else kinda falls in the spectrum of understandable, but not forgiveable. The lifeboats thing is like "At this point you're acting like you want people to die."
Very funny AND a disturbing stream of consciousness. If you were not prone to barrister impersonation I would say "Both Are True" -- What is true is this is an AWESOME new subscription for me and I, due to my quirks and mental challenges try to limit myself to 10 subscriptions!!!
The important thing I think is that you were eating peanut butter and banana which is such a healthy, delicious and SATISFYING snack!
How much I am paralysed by a decision is inversely correlated with how important the decision is.
Thought process when choosing between vegetable chow mein vs pork chow mein: Oh god, uh... I'm not vegetarian, but I believe in it as a concept. But I haven't had meat in a couple of weeks, and I probably need the protein, and it's potentially tastier. But the veggie option is slightly cheaper, and probably slightly more nutritious... Isn't there another place that does chow mein? That place could be better, or cheaper, or deliver faster. But also I already had a takeaway earlier this week, and although I have enough money, it seems decadent to have yet another takeaway - if I kept getting takeaways this frequently how much money would I be spending per year? Anyway, we have soup at home, I could eat some soup. Oh wait, they have udon noodles too. Oh, actually I realise I'm going to be busy the next couple of days so whatever I eat there will be leftovers and I'm not sure if someone will eat them, I don't want to waste food. But I really don't feel like eating some soup. Everyone else is waiting on me now, so I'll just pick one... Although I ought to go for something I haven't tried before rather than sticking to the same thing. Everything on this menu is expensive... I'll just eat chocolate for dinner.
Thought process when the opportunity arises to move across the country: yup, sure, just give me a sec to email my landlord.
i think i dissociated a little bit while reading this, in a good way! also, i eat a PB&B every morning for breakfast, and it is 100% to avoid having to make a decision. i don't even like bananas that much! anyway all this ship talk made me remember the song Another New World by Josh Ritter (also performed by the Punch Brothers) and man that is a great song, i recommend it.