How close we got to having an 8th day of the week (and other new truths learned during E1 and E2 of BAT's Season One)

Season One, Week One: A Recap

I woke up this morning, bumbling around the ol noggin thinking about this and that and the other when, what the hell? I turned my neck ever so slightly a microadjustment’s microadjustment yet there it was the unmistakable zip zap zop of a pain in my neck so loud it made me go “aargh.” Out loud.

I was alone, on the couch. Lauren and I hadn’t gotten in a ‘you’re in the doghouse’ sort of fight like you see on the hit docudrama Married With Children. I’d just woken up prematurely (there’s a pill for this now I hear), and then went back to snooze on the couch.

I’d pinched a nerve maybe? ‘Pinched’ what is this a five year old’s cheek? No I fucked up the day with a movement I thought was still accepted without issue here in my body but no, the rules have changed. There’s a new boss in town and his name is Dr. Pain. Sucks that he’s a doctor too cuz it means he’s super busy and hard to get in touch with, so I’m usually stuck trying to connect with one of his nurses like Nurse Vitals.

Why is there no shortened version of Nurse? I wanted to write Nr. Vitals.

I know you can say RN but that’s not the same.

It’s just not the same.

Rn. Vitals sounds like a room at a hotel that’s for non-sexual fetishes.

I wonder how many people will unsubscribe as a result of this post. I bet it’ll be in the millions.

Its been a big week!

I remembered why I started this post! It’s been a big week in BAT land. The powers-that-be suggested adding an 8th day of the week -BATurday - just to help everyone handle all the new stuff.

Which is such a dumb idea? Like, how would calendars work? Would people work on BAturday? No. But they wouldn’t be able to relax either, on account of having all this extra time. AND life expectancy would plummet since people would live less years if there was an extra day each week. Look at what would happen to October:

Halloween would be moved to Sunday, October 31, and then we’d all get Baturday, Nov 1 to relax.

I shoulda called it Bunday.

Anyways I really did start this post to update everyone on a big week in BAT so here it is!

Season One launched!

The first essay - I got a perfect score on my SAT and all I got was this lousy feeling of never being enough - dropped and a lot of people seemed to really love it. Don’t believe me? Ask the dishes:

And of course this chock-ful-o wisdom post from

Miter

in which, most importantly, he asks if anyone has made plans for what to do when

Mills Baker

and I both welcome second children into our lives (at least I think that’s what Miter is talking about? I did not check).

✨ The AI post went viral on Hacker News!✨

On Thursday, I posted ✨every app that adds AI looks like this✨ which people seemed to love. Someone even posted it to the tech industry’s hot-or-not dean’s list, Hacker News.

This led to a huge uptick in traffic and a nice amount of new subscribers. So to all of the hacker news kids here, welcome!

It also led to tons of comments on the hacker news post about how big of a piece of shit I was. Luckily for everyone, my self-confidence was already so down in the d*mps that this didn’t bother me, not even a little bit!

Just kidding! Of course it did. I was gutted. Hurt. Strangers on the internet were agreeing with what I already believed about myself! I have to imagine that there’s a direct line from this to my neck pain. In fact, I know it:

Don’t believe me? It’s a literal photo from Annie Lebowitz.

Audio? A podcast/?????

This one is getting a lot of attention in Podcast magazine. Here’s the scoop -

(I had a funny joke to put here but literally fell asleep for about 5 min of intense dreaming that I can no longer remember.

I bet it woulda been a banger of a joke.

So last week I started recording 6-8 min audio diddles that in which I talk to myself about whateverfeels interesting at the time. You can listen to the first three episodes here.

Then, on Thursday I decided to try out the podcasting features on Substack and launched what I believe is a paid-subscriber only podcast which is called…

ARE BOTH TRUE???

Love that title might steal it.

ABT will be where I share what’s happening in my mind, aka news that’s not fit to print anywhere lse. So far a bunch of pople have listened and a few have even said nice things. No one has said mean things, but this is to be exepcted. We lie to oursleves so much how could we not lie to others.

Fell asleep again. I’m back now.

Apparently if you go to this link for the first Podcast episode, you can download it onto your device. Here are instructions for how to pull that off.

Lemme know if it works so I can tell everyone.

A BAThead’s lounge

I wanted to create a little chill lounge hang vibe place for paid subscribers to hang out, ya know like how airlines do? Except there are no snacks just vibes and words and feelings!

Everyone is welcome and honestly its crazy fun in there right now here’s a photo. The only person I know in this photo is my best friend Julia Roberts. The rest are strangers especially the leave it to beaver creep in the back.

So if you are interested, just become a paid subscriber and you’ll get a notification in your email with how to sign up.

Existing paid subscribers - you all should have gotten a lil invite in the heading and footer of THIS email. lmk if you have issues!

Comments

1. Is Alex ok?

2. Are you a paid subscriber of BAT and if so why do you think more people should do it?

3. If no to #2, lmk ur SSN and mom’s maiden name I just wanna keep a record of it no big deal at all.

5. One of the hacker news responses said I didnt know how to properly number lists. This is bullshit, no?