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This is the best self help book I’ve ever read.

On “not enoughness” (I may be the captain of this club. Or at least I would be if I had what it took):

+1 to all the advice you’ve written here.

I’ll also share that I’ve finally made some progress on this recently through working with an IFS (internal family systems) coach which helped me see the “parts” of myself that had formed when life started telling me “you kinda seem like you’re not enough dude” and the parts showed up all like, “oh yeah? I’ll show you who’s enough MF.” And so these parts formed like the high achiever, the people pleaser, the perfectionist, etc.

Through working with the coach (there are therapists that do this work too) I got to spend time with those parts and make them feel heard. Turns out they just wanted to protect me and do what’s best for me. But they were so deep in my psyche that it was coming through as self doubt, anxiety, feelings of inferiority, anger, all that good stuff. Once they felt heard, they started to chill out and feelings of “enoughness” started to emerge. Now every time I feel “not enoughness” rise up, I can check in with these parts and see who’s trying to speak up.

The book “no bad parts” is a great intro to this practice.

But also you might just need a nap 🤷‍♂️

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“Much like a pdf, you’re still attached.” 💯

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dear alex,

thank you for asking this question:

"What do you do when you feel like you have nothing left to give?"

rest and replenish, hopefully, like a character in a video game who has just expended all of their energy and just needs time to build up their strength units again. oh, also eat and sleep and drink water and get other needs met if needed. reach out to friends and ask for help, for care, for listening. care for myself. write. listen to music. play music. do nothing. do anything. do somewhere in between nothing and anything. stop answering this question. i have given all!

good question! thank you for asking!



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Heck yeah, Stars are amazing. Amy Milan of broken social scene. Lots of good albums, but Set Yourself on Fire is a stone cold classic. Including this banger. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=jwrY3VhsLlo&si=qMgaj1We4vMRDDGl

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I saw Stars at Riot Fest Denver 2013 and they were really good also here is a Stars song I was obsessed with in 2008 https://youtu.be/X-7stOrQ6Yk?feature=shared

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At some point I realized that if I didn’t stop giving (and start taking) when I had nothing left, Bank of America was gonna start charging me overdraft fees for that, too. And because my fear of having a negative checking account balance is greater than my fear of a negative emotional balance, I figured shit out.

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All around good advice! That voice in our head is a dick and needs to be mostly laughed at and put in a time out.

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What do you do when you feel like you have nothing left to give?

I take out the trash. It's a stupid thing that always makes me feel better. I usually am too muchness... so I don't worry about enoughness.

Do you know that band, Stars?

Yes. Your Ex-Lover Is Dead is the best video ever.

Do you want advice? Comment and I will answer in a future edition bc I don’t know if you heard but i’m resurrecting the Help Wanted column once Emma June says it’s ok.

I might need some advice... eventually. My youngest daughter is mad at me and won't say why... It's a quandary.

I do need to deliver this deck... that's the only enoughness I'm lacking tonight... oof.

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Take!!! ❤️♥️♥️

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I thought you’d get a laugh:


If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas .

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park .

Judge #3 was an inexperienced chili taster Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL .

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3."

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:


Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the heck is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.


Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting smashed from all of the beer.


Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac!


Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.


Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I feel like I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.


Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be a bit distressed as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Who cares; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili..

Judge # 3 - No Report

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Give it away. Give it away. Give it away, now. I can't tell, if I'm a king pin or a pauper.

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Do you know the song Fortunate Son by CCR. They ask a question, "How much should we give", then they provide the answer from the people always asking = " more ... more ... more". Also, is receiving, or accepting, giving? I am learning how to receive, or accept, a gift, material and especially otherwise. I have always been good at giving but, not so much in accepting. I am learning that this is selfish. I want to show genuine gratitude to those that give. They deserve this.

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1. Take a nap. 3. no 4. Give Emma June a sloppy kiss from me.

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If I ever expected a yodelling stack post it surely wasn’t from you! :) “yodelayheehoo“ thanks for this!

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