What’s up people!!!
Brad here. Alex’s twin brother. The much more handsome younger one haha no no I’m older.
Let’s cut to the chase: Alex is a wuss. Every night at dinner (I’m staying at his house bc I’m going thru a painful divorce, Cindy if you see this I love you please let’s talk I can change), alex goes “I want to make writing my full time job. How do I get more paid subscribers on Substack??” And if his kid and wife weren’t there, I would flip my bowl of lentil soup (divine btw, Lauren is a real life emeril legassis but not as good as my Cindy babe please let’s talk I strayed once, must I be crucified for it??).
I’ve told Alex once I’ve told him a hunderod times: YOU GOTTA GIVE PEOPLE VALUE THEY CAN”T LIVE WITHOUT!
And that is what I’m gonna teach you. IF YOU PAY for Both Are True. Because there ain’t nothin free in this world, not even a free lunch (just came up with this idea - anyone is free to steal it and use it for a post of theirs but they do have to credit me and send $50USD).
NOT SURE IF YOU WANT TO SUBSCRIBE YET? LEMME MAKE IT CLEARER:
What do you get if you subscribe? 24/7 ACCESS TO ME BRAD C. ONVERSION. Let’s talk details:
What You’ll Get
Weekly mailbag - anyone who is paid subscriber ONLY can email me (email address comes only once you pay). Once a week I will record a vidoe of me reading the mail and responding to it WITH FULL honesty. If youi have a problem, I’ll solve it.
DAILY MOTIVATION from me, Brad. Want an example? SURE
do NOT look at the email address it is proprietary and onoly for paying members Growth Hacking Charge Ups - Essays written BY ME with the top of the trade secrets on how to turn your newsletter into a NEWSLETTER in no time. My personal friend Tony Robbins said to me “Brad, do NOT share all this - you’ll put me outta business.” But I said “No way Tony, YOU are untouchable” bewcause literally he’s so tall I can’t get anywhere near his head. UPCOMING ESSAYS YINCLUDE:
How I got to my first 1000 subscribers by making 1000 fake email accounts
Thinking about quitting your day job? Great. Come work for me - I am offering unpaid internships at this time (bradConversion@gmail.com)
What my close personal friends Margaret Atwood, Jonathan Franzen, and David Sedaris learned from me about writing
Five Easy Steps To Lure potential readers into incriminating situations, then threaten them by releasing the controversial evidence UNLESS they subscribe
It's time to reconsider the pyramid scheme business model
Advice. Not a content creator? Well you should be! But I can give advice on anything - marriage, divorce, finding love after divorce, WHATEVER you need help with, I’ll help.
Reviews of your work. If you send me something I will send it back to you but I’ll make it UNFORGETTIBLE so NO ONECAN HELP THEMSESLVES FROM CLICKING ON IT.
this ain’t your mama’s review - I’m not gonna make your work BETTER because no one gives a shit about that. I’m gonna make it DELECTIBLE like a YUMMY TREAT so people want to click on it and share it with their friends from college.
AND THAT IS JUST A TASTE. Imagine planning a wedding. What do you serve for the cocktail hour food? The big Wedding people will want to sell you hour durvers like bruschetta and tomato soup, bacon wrapped scallums, crab cakes slidees, and stinky cheeses, BUT WHY???
THE ONLY THING PEOPLE WANNA EAT ARE HOT DOG WEENIES IN A BLANKET!
That’s what you get with me - Brad C Onversion - wall street attitude on main street prices.
(Cindy I have been thinking a lot about how I switched our wedding’s cocktail hour food to pigs in a blankie and didn’t tell you: I am sorry about that I should have asked you first. Let’s talk?
Love, your little pig in a blankie Brad.
ps- ok yes i strayed more than once but it felt like one long stray that lasted a few weeks, not multiple strays every night you have to believe me on this one Cindy I am begging).
I’ve got a 6am meeting with Elon and a 610am with Oprah so I’ve gotta get to it. If you’re not convinced by NOW that you need to PAY, then I feel sorry for ya. Give me your family’s phone numbers so I can call them and apologize and tell em that they’re related to an absolute pip of a sqeak. I’ll do it.
DISRUPT INNOVATE CREATE
The economy has never been more ready for you. But are you ready for the economy? Here’s a photo of me:
So what are you waiting for? The pigs to come to roost? It ain’t gonna happen. They’re all sleeping cozy in their blankets IF YOU ARE A FRIEND OF CINDY PLEASE SEND THIS TO HER I AM GENUINELY BEGGING.
Never show weakness, always fight harder, push one more step and you’ll get to the 2nd story of the building in no time. Then what? The third story. Here’s me again:
GOT FRIENDS WHO ARE READY TO MAKE A CHANGE?
WANT TO TALK TO ME DIRECTLY??? ONLY FOR THIS ONE POST WILL I BE ANSWRING QUESTIONS FOR FREE. After this, its paying subscribers only.
Business isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.
-Brad C. Onversion
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