Great memories spending hours with the kids at Blockbuster trying to agree on movies to rent. It was a family affair. An evening at Blockbuster. We'd end up renting 4 movies and buying popcorn and candy.
“my parent's Costco Away From Costco” Do all parents have this? My dad was born just after the Great Depression and my mom at the height of WWII, so both were affected by scarcity (which I’d imagine your parents experienced before moving to the US?). They must have passed it to me because I find the older I get the more my pantry starts to resemble my parents! Doh! My mom know writes in sharpie the expiration date (old age=failing eyesight) because my son once opened that bag of SunChips, took one bite, and gagged. Stale. Dusty as the Sahara Desert. (I have yet to start using the sharpie trick…all in due time.)
I stayed in this fancy house with my Dad's side of the family one Christmas (aunts, uncles, cousins, the LOT) and the house was so big it had it's own bar -- a tiny room adjacent to the dining room. Despite there being about twenty-something of us and the bar only sat about five, we ALL would cram into the little bar room every night, and we called this bar "Legends." We took turns each night serving at Legends, and I even hosted a pub quiz one evening. I remember seeing my uncle in Legends polishing glasses behind the bar one afternoon, apropos of nothing. My mum walked past and he said very curtly, "we're closed!"
At my Granddad's funeral a couple years back we were reminiscing about Legends and how it would be cool to start our own bar somewhere. My uncle piped up that we could have Granddad's clothes (he was a big man) assembled together and blowing around outside like one of those wacky inflatable waving guys on the roadside. The image of Granddad's knitted jumper and chino trousers flapping around cracked me up so hard.
When my dad was in his 20s he sublet his apartment in New Haven and the guy refused to pay an exorbitant long distance phone bill he racked up so my dad went to the apartment and repossessed the guy’s TV. We used that 90s TV in my childhood home for over a decade.
When I was about 12, our neighbours had a huge gum tree that dropped lots of leaves in our pool. Nothing annoyed dad more than leaves in the pool so at night he donned all black, put on a balaclava, jumped the fence with a needle and syringe filled with plant poison, and injected the tree. I think he'd done it a handful of times before the new neighbours (who'd moved in a few weeks before his mission commenced) came over to introduce themselves. They said during the conversation that they were cutting the tree down haha
I went straight at 21 after 4 years as a bad ass crim...
My dad never got this... and kept forgetting.
He would ask me to burn down old houses he owned so he could get the insurance, or deliver drugs for him or take out someone's mail box or destroy their car in a revenge thing...
I had to explain that I (then) worked for the NYPD ( not as a cop ) and I couldn't do illegal things...
Yes I have enabled my cousin brother commit a crime when both were around nine years old and took place in India where I was living then. I had been made the captain of “farmer’s club” and the school supplied all ten kids with small earthen pots and some seeds to grow plants.
The problem was my cousin was not a member and so he did not get a pot and took it badly.
My dad suggested I should share the project and my pot with him.
I had a better idea and asked my cousin to go with me to the school in the evening. Our school was within a compound and when we got to the school, I asked my cousin to shinny up the wall grab a pot placed all round on the inside of the wall.
The plan was perfect except for the fact that the school Gardner saw this kid trying to grab a pot and he came running and held my cousin’s wrist
“What do you want me to do now” wailed my cousin. I could not answer immediately because I was laughing my head off. After what seemed an eternity, I told my cousin to let go of the pot and when he did the school gardener released his grip
My mother's favorite store is Costco, and has been since before I was born. Please use your imagination to conjure how much random stuff in my childhood home is from ye olde Costco. Please also imagine the side eye I get every single time I ask my parents where something in our house is from. There is only one answer.
“Costco away from Costco” is what did it for me. Jeepers. My parents are visiting for 3 weeks and I just took them grocery shopping because everything is Australia has a weird name like “tasty cheese” and “tomato sauce” and “g’day mate.” I had to remind my mum not to stock the pantry with a years supply of tinned mushrooms, lentils and four kinds of chai tea. Which is probably the running joke really. I’m a wimp but very small so I guess I’d probably get coerced into being lowered through a skylight or something. The only thing I hate more than breaking rules is how much I hate breaking rules, but Dad used to love climbing over barriers that keep people from plummeting to their deaths at places like the Grand Canyon and then be all, “c’mon! What are you? Chicken?” It’s not really a crime, but the rush of ignoring the sign always made me tipsier than the vertigo.
Bit / beat reminded me of how my friend Marina, who is from Siberia and also somewhat dyslexic, used to send me amazing text messages with completely guessed-at spelling. It was like she was writing in her own accent. Man I loved that idiosyncratic spelling
I WAS AROUND I NAME AND CLAIM IT
Okay, this made me snort out loud: Since they did not have the ability to take photographs back then, here’s an artist’s rendition of said TV:
I was alive back then, and I'm pretty sure we could take photographs... but then we had to get the film developed.
Remember One Hour Photo? That place rocked even if it took 1.5 hours.
I remember when we drove to the video store to rent videos, too...
Great memories spending hours with the kids at Blockbuster trying to agree on movies to rent. It was a family affair. An evening at Blockbuster. We'd end up renting 4 movies and buying popcorn and candy.
“my parent's Costco Away From Costco” Do all parents have this? My dad was born just after the Great Depression and my mom at the height of WWII, so both were affected by scarcity (which I’d imagine your parents experienced before moving to the US?). They must have passed it to me because I find the older I get the more my pantry starts to resemble my parents! Doh! My mom know writes in sharpie the expiration date (old age=failing eyesight) because my son once opened that bag of SunChips, took one bite, and gagged. Stale. Dusty as the Sahara Desert. (I have yet to start using the sharpie trick…all in due time.)
I stayed in this fancy house with my Dad's side of the family one Christmas (aunts, uncles, cousins, the LOT) and the house was so big it had it's own bar -- a tiny room adjacent to the dining room. Despite there being about twenty-something of us and the bar only sat about five, we ALL would cram into the little bar room every night, and we called this bar "Legends." We took turns each night serving at Legends, and I even hosted a pub quiz one evening. I remember seeing my uncle in Legends polishing glasses behind the bar one afternoon, apropos of nothing. My mum walked past and he said very curtly, "we're closed!"
At my Granddad's funeral a couple years back we were reminiscing about Legends and how it would be cool to start our own bar somewhere. My uncle piped up that we could have Granddad's clothes (he was a big man) assembled together and blowing around outside like one of those wacky inflatable waving guys on the roadside. The image of Granddad's knitted jumper and chino trousers flapping around cracked me up so hard.
Start the bar!
Substack is getting subpoenaed for this
#5 and #6 are obviously about buckwheat, the most fart inducing food on the planet
But they are silent, like the k in knife
This is hilarious but also brought tears to my eyes about you and your Dad. The best comedy often does that. Thank you I loved it.
When my dad was in his 20s he sublet his apartment in New Haven and the guy refused to pay an exorbitant long distance phone bill he racked up so my dad went to the apartment and repossessed the guy’s TV. We used that 90s TV in my childhood home for over a decade.
When I was about 12, our neighbours had a huge gum tree that dropped lots of leaves in our pool. Nothing annoyed dad more than leaves in the pool so at night he donned all black, put on a balaclava, jumped the fence with a needle and syringe filled with plant poison, and injected the tree. I think he'd done it a handful of times before the new neighbours (who'd moved in a few weeks before his mission commenced) came over to introduce themselves. They said during the conversation that they were cutting the tree down haha
I went straight at 21 after 4 years as a bad ass crim...
My dad never got this... and kept forgetting.
He would ask me to burn down old houses he owned so he could get the insurance, or deliver drugs for him or take out someone's mail box or destroy their car in a revenge thing...
I had to explain that I (then) worked for the NYPD ( not as a cop ) and I couldn't do illegal things...
He never got it. OR pretended not too....
Yes I have enabled my cousin brother commit a crime when both were around nine years old and took place in India where I was living then. I had been made the captain of “farmer’s club” and the school supplied all ten kids with small earthen pots and some seeds to grow plants.
The problem was my cousin was not a member and so he did not get a pot and took it badly.
My dad suggested I should share the project and my pot with him.
I had a better idea and asked my cousin to go with me to the school in the evening. Our school was within a compound and when we got to the school, I asked my cousin to shinny up the wall grab a pot placed all round on the inside of the wall.
The plan was perfect except for the fact that the school Gardner saw this kid trying to grab a pot and he came running and held my cousin’s wrist
“What do you want me to do now” wailed my cousin. I could not answer immediately because I was laughing my head off. After what seemed an eternity, I told my cousin to let go of the pot and when he did the school gardener released his grip
We have enjoyed this crime episode all our lives
2. This is the definition of family.
6 and 7 many times!
My mother's favorite store is Costco, and has been since before I was born. Please use your imagination to conjure how much random stuff in my childhood home is from ye olde Costco. Please also imagine the side eye I get every single time I ask my parents where something in our house is from. There is only one answer.
Is this a bit? I hope this is a bit.
“Costco away from Costco” is what did it for me. Jeepers. My parents are visiting for 3 weeks and I just took them grocery shopping because everything is Australia has a weird name like “tasty cheese” and “tomato sauce” and “g’day mate.” I had to remind my mum not to stock the pantry with a years supply of tinned mushrooms, lentils and four kinds of chai tea. Which is probably the running joke really. I’m a wimp but very small so I guess I’d probably get coerced into being lowered through a skylight or something. The only thing I hate more than breaking rules is how much I hate breaking rules, but Dad used to love climbing over barriers that keep people from plummeting to their deaths at places like the Grand Canyon and then be all, “c’mon! What are you? Chicken?” It’s not really a crime, but the rush of ignoring the sign always made me tipsier than the vertigo.
Bit / beat reminded me of how my friend Marina, who is from Siberia and also somewhat dyslexic, used to send me amazing text messages with completely guessed-at spelling. It was like she was writing in her own accent. Man I loved that idiosyncratic spelling