83 Comments

The real AI was the first overall pick in the NBA draft in 1996.

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I literally had this joke in my original draft and removed it bc I didn't think people would get it but SETH WERKHEISER AINT MOST PPL.

also do u remember AI's shoes?

The question

and then

The answer

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I BELIEVE YOU.

And no, I don't remember those shoes. I DO remember when he was traded to the Nuggets, though. That was weird.

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I snort-laughed a couple times. Read this just as I’m having angst over more IG issues and watching visual artists move to Cara. *sigh*. I can’t keep up. Needed the levity and adore the use of Krab to illustrate your point. My son used to pronounce it “Kay-rab” - emphasizing the letter K, because of its obvious importance.

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what in the almighty hell is Cara>>>>

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Cara is a new platform built by artists for artists. They're gushing out of Insta and Twitter, they're not even bothering to pack up their bags. Can you see the smoke at their heels? They are SO DONE with the usual socials. (Bc Big Tech is now training all their models on everything people post. So my advice for everyone here is to post nothing but pics of artificial pink Krab meat on their socials, if ya really want to screw with the algorithms)

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Exactly

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Three things that will never stop:

1) Me reminding people that the first letter in AI stands for fake,

2) Me getting assignments from students that start with "Certainly!..."

3) Me getting emails from people that begin with "Certainly, here's a more concise version of your email. Hi Paul, ..."

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Alex, you know I love everything you write, but I think you're slightly off base here. You admit towards the end of this rant that AI is "gonna change everything;" you just don't want to hear about it. I get that, as it's annoying when everyone gets all hyper about something BIG that they don't really understand. I'm pretty sure that AI falls into that category. But instead of a rant, I would have loved a short riff on your move across country. Maybe just a few before & after photos, with a promise to tell us more later.

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I respect that!! This is a piece I wrote a year ago and just republished bc I can't string together two sentences about what the f is happening to my life right now, the move, etc. I do want to I need to write about that stuff but it's hard! Like I'm not done living it yet idk. I am probably just procrastinating tho lol so let me take this as the kick in the toochas i needed

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that's all you need to say: "I'm not done living it yet... " Moving across country, with two babies in tow, is a BIG DEAL. We get it!

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He said it would change everything. He didn't say the change would be good...

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I hate AI conversations with a passion, I have no interest in AI, I see little point in AI, it's boring. My hatred of it may border on hysteria if the conversation goes on much longer which makes sense, as I am a woman. If my uterus flies out due to the speed in which AI is being developed then we'll know the world has really progressed. I hope you get your nickname back soon.

Ps, I didn't know Ask Jeeves had killed off Jeeves, what a waste of a good butler

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Thank you for putting everything I feel about the Krabmeat of technology into words. It drives me insane and everyone who impressed by AI are mega dorkus malorkuses. Everything that came after Smarter Child is trash. "How weird people are" is also very high on my preferred conversation topic list. It's very easy to do with humans and impossible to do with robots so let's stop trying. I would also much rather talk about the warring cities of Octopolis vs Octlantis (two warring octopus settlements off the coast of Eastern Australia), ghosts, time travel, and what sounds animals make in other languages.

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Mega dorkus malorkuses? I like that one! 😉

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Hey Jeannine! Nice to see you over here! Another non-AI illustrated post coming from me tonight. Actual pencils used in the creation of special illustrations just for you!

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Hey, Peter! Good to see you, too. Looking forward to seeing your real, live pencil-created illustrations later tonight. But just for me? Should I be honored or nervous? 😅

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It needed to be said. It's not so much a boon to humanity as a digital dick-measuring contest.

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Ai Weiwei must be having a really bad time.

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This made me laugh so much 🤣 Hysterically out loud laughing to the point my wife turned to me and asked if I was ok 🤣

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Jeeves for life, and I mean the TV Jeeves played by Stephen Fry: "Indubitably, sir."

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I just put out a post about AI and now I'm reeling from this comprehensive takedown. My question is: can we all get a heads up about what is getting comedy-roasted next so the rest of us can avoid any further subsequent post-shame?

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I wouldn't change a single punctuation mark, and I'm nailing these 95 commandments to the door of a castle church in Wittenberg. Let's see what happens next!

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Your frustration is understandable...writing e-books and sci-fi articles by day and DJing by night has got to be exhausting. Plus all that krab you're eating. Was doing some mindless scrolling the other day and a "how it's made" video for imitation krab popped up and I shielded my eyes because california roll is what I get at Whole Foods when the hot bar is especially desolate. It's my thing, so I just don't wanna know. To be honest I haven't used AI, don't wanna use AI, don't wanna talk about AI. There are so many things I'd prefer to talk about. Like your "how we’re busying ourselves with stuff that doesn’t matter because the stuff that does matter is way too much to handle". Or why I keep doing self check out even though it makes me anxious (remove the last scanned item from the bag...place the last scanned item in the bag...I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT). Or the best way to get my 12 year-old back for hiding prank bugs all over my pillow last night.

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OMG SMARTERCHILD!!! (Also wtf is that name? smarterchild??).

I share the same feelings on this.

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THANK YOUUU AI is nothing, it's already been used and is just being repackaged for Silicon Valley shareholders to drool over. The worst is when people panic about the robots overtaking us and it's like, have you even seen this thing in action?? It can barely do math, a thing literally every computer has been able to do since the dawn of their existence.

Love the shoutout to SmarterChild. Blast from the past 😎

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Alex - that’s the best subtitle on a Substack piece I’ve ever seen!!

The imitation Krab bit had me laughing out loud 😂

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