Alex Dobrenko DESTROYS everything is amazing’s Mike Sowden in EPIC debate
I told the world finally that I loved my wife and Mike Sowden went insane
Hi everyone and welcome to Both Are True, a mini-golf course for your soul. I’m Oscar winner Alex Dobrenko and I write stuff here twice a week. Vulnerable truths x absurd comedy. It’s a sick collab. I’m supposed to be writing new essays and running old classics but something happened this week that shook me to my six pack core.
But before we dive into that story, some huge news — tomorrow morning I will be doing the 2nd official YAMA/MAYA (you ask me anything, me ask you anything). It’s an evolved form of yesteryear’s AMA and its a whole lotta fun. Here’s what happened at last month’s YAMA/MAYA.
It’s also for paid subscribers only because if it wasn’t, I’d never get the permits for it. So if you want to participate, or if someone sent this to you and you’re like ‘dang this rules’ I want more, just hit the button:
Alex Dobrenko vs. Mike Sowden
It all started on a Monday. Memorial Day. Sure, I was feeling sentimental.
High on deals that truly couldn’t be beat, I was in love.
With my wife.
And I was tired of hiding it. I was about to lose control and, at the time, I thought I liked it. Boy, howdy was I in for a rude awakening.
I decided to share how I felt with the Substack community.
Almost instantly, I was branded as a “wife guy,” which, given the hatred and vitriol that followed, is for some reason not a good thing to be?
It began with Morgthorak the Undead.
I tried to defend myself as best I could…
But before I knew it, I’d received another response from one, writer of .
Clearly not everything though. Look at this abhorrent:
Ouch. Probably realizing he’d messed with the wrong turkey, Mike then tried to moonwalk his way back from the edge.
But it was too late to apologize, it was too laaaaaate. Like any dumpling worth their salt, I was steamed.
Mike then responded with this.
At which point I looked at my wife, who at this point was by my side and holding my hand because she knew I was stressed but still completely in control of my emotions and I said to my wife, I said, ‘honey, I’m gonna make some more coffee, would you like some?’ She didn’t, so I chugged it all down even though I’d already had three Monster-RedBulls (a little combo I make) and then sent this back.
Mike folded like a lawn chair.
So yes, I did absolyutely DESTROY Mike Sowden in an epic battle of mental fortitude. You probably won’t hear from him for some time. Last I checked, he claimed to still be cleaning up his keyboard from the coffee (a likely excuse for someone who dares not again attempt to fight me in word to word combat).
I actually reached out to Mike for comment and here’s what I got back.
Hello you're through to the Delphi Kebab House, this is Stavros. I think you want Mike, the guy who used to have this place? Left with a big suitcase yesterday, mate, he was crying and said something about 'Destroyed On The Internet' and 'What About The Kids'. I gave him a kebab for the train ride up into the mountains, mate, one way ticket. Hugging a load of flags, that was weird. Anyway, want to order anything? I'm running a business here, mate.
I am, of course, joking. As you could tell by the end of the fight, Mike and I live together with a few kids who are our children. They’ve had a rough go of it lately what with their getting fired from the factory on account of them calling everyone boorjwazee, but that’s neither here nor fair. I lashed out at Mike because I love him and love makes you do crazy things. He’s home safe and sound cuddled up with a big book and a tiny cuppa tea that he still hasn’t had a sip of because its ‘too hot’ even though he brewed it an hour ago. He’s going through it, clearly, so we ask for privacy in this trying time.
As far as the whole kebab Starvos thing, Mike sent that while next to me on the couch. He’s a goofball, that’s for certain.
But wait, what about the wife?
Now I’m sure you’re asking yourself, ‘wait a min, hold on - didn’t this guy say he has a wife who he loves.’
Uh…yes? Since when is it illegal to have two families? One with your wife and child and another with Mike Sowden and a bunch of kids who are your children? Show me the legal law that says that’s bad and I’ll handcuff myself to a briefcase filled with money and leave this country on one of those mini-airplanes.
Seriously folks, isn’t it about time to be honest with each other? And ourselves? If everyone had two or three families they were a part of at any given time, would any of this have even happened? I doubt it. I really do.
Thanks for letting me share the truth about what happened with Mike Sowden on the internet the other day.
If you’re interested in reading more of my stuff, here’s a few bangers from the archives:
And if you would like to ask me any questions about what happened or how I’ve been doing mentally since then, go ahead and join us tomorrow for YAMA/MAYA (you ask me anything, me ask you anything).
It’s for paid members only (otherwise literally we’d break the internet), so consider becoming a paid sub today.
Has Mike Sowden also attacked you on the internet and if so do you want to join my class action lawsuit? It’s gonna be more of a class dramedy but same idea.
do you ever fight or debate people online? has it ever gone well?
do you love your wife? If yes, why are you so afraid to share that with the world?
What other deep truths are you afraid to admit online?
Do you have any tips for how Mike and I can improve our relationship? We’re in couples therapy now, like literally now I am writing this while in a session and Mike and the “doctor” keep saying, “Alex hurry up your post is too long its not gonna be digestible and punchy” and I give em a MEAN MUG and keep typing