you give the golden ticket of selfhood to the other person and you take on the ticket of being just one of the, you know, 8 billion others, and it turns out, It's a lot of work being the self.
That was great. It brought to mind a Louis CK bit that my family and I used to reference a lot (still do actually). I used to love Louis CK before his stupid asshole proclivities were revealed to the world. Anyhoo. It had to do with him waiting in line at a bank or something like that, seething and looking at everyone in line, and how one tends to think nasty thoughts about others at times like that. You never look at someone and think "hmmm, I'll bet *he's* a hard worker!". Which is the line that we still repeat. Ah Louis. You idiot.
Jun 22, 2023·edited Jun 22, 2023Liked by Alex Dobrenko`
Many years ago (1978), I was in the Air Force and injured my back side while roughhousing with fellow airmen in the dorm. The next morning, I rode the base bus to the clinic, suffering at each bump in the road.
Once in the clinic, some authoritarian sort decided we (the folks waiting to be helped) could not talk to one another. Okay...we treated it like a prisoner-of-war situation, and learned to whisper in a way not detectable more than two feet away.
I was in line for seven hours.
When they took me into an examining room, the nurse gasped when she saw the angry pilonidal cyst at the top of my butt.
After surgery (easily the worst medical procedure when it comes to pain in my life), I was admitted to the hospital for two days before I was released to my squadron to return to training.
Imagine all this and add in “mountain people who don’t give af” dimensions.
I’m not close to enlightenment here. I’m just cranky and tired. I grab a snack before going to the pharmacy. But the best (absolute, hands down, always a story) is the local mountain post office. In general, what’s posted online as the operating hours is chopped up into randomized closed hours (very fun when post office is 30+ minutes round trip). Then get the happy pink slip in your mailbox? It’s not there because the mail has been sorted. It’s just there for, you know, eventually, when you come pick shit up.
The best story I have involves a line of 7 people in front of me, an older lady wearing a foot brace behind me and an older gentleman totally steamrolling the poor, poor worker behind the counter.
This guy was mountain man to a T: long scraggly beard, clothes hanging off his limbs and he was sharing in great, repetitive detail, about how he’s REALLY worried that the people who lived next door would not be getting their mail properly now that they’ve moved (can’t imagine why they’d seek other neighbors). About 12 minutes in, the lady behind me yells, “Would you shut the hell up and let us get our mail. I just had knee surgery. I ain’t got all day!”
I wanted to cry, I wanted to laugh, I wanted to shield myself from random gunfire (from her, Yosemite Sam style). I dunno man. She said what we were all saying. So I guess I was grateful. But yeah, the “mountain service” special usually involves me grabbing chips and queso to make it through.
Every day. Your people-watching distraction is a beautiful exercise in being present. Can’t control the World--only your reaction to it. And again...the purple streaked smoothie maker is breaking down boxes in the back while my power blend blends and blends and blends. I’m quite sure it’s ready about a year ago. But you check those boxes you diligent employee...fuck me argghhh.
When your bumbleboy Sartre said, and I paraphrase here, standing in line at the UPS is the only way you know you're alive! He wasn't just blowing smoke up your....
Longest line--the pharmacy to pick up my and The Husband’s meds. There’s always a hard of hearing senior there whose meds aren’t ready yet and doesn’t understand why. Bonded lots of times with people in the line-up and had more then one person turn around at the counter and apologize for taking so long! Maybe it’s because we’re Canadian?
Dude I hate how I can't stand in a line like that without fixating on the person in front and brooding about how slow they or other person behind the counter is being. WTF has happened to my ability to wait.
i love you and thank you for this as always and here are the correct answers from me:
What was the longest you’ve had to wait in a line?
when i was just starting out in comedy, i lived in boston and found out that the hbo aspen comedy festival was holding auditions at madison square garden and a few of us drove down to wait in line (so the wait started with a four-hour drive) and i don't remember what time we got there but maybe it was the night before or super early in the morning but it was hours and hours and hours of just waiting and hanging with comedian friends and strangers on the streets of new york so it was pretty fun actually!
Would you have left the line?
if i were you, i would have done exactly what you did.
if i were me, i might have done something differently.
Have you worked in a place where people waited in line for service?
yes! i worked at a barnes and noble cafe and one time when i Wasn't working, a co-worker was working alone with a supervisor and the supervisor took a long smoke break and left the worker to deal with a long long line and so he just quit and left
A post office or DMV: which is more hell-adjacent in your experience?
I’m still waiting in line for Taylor swift tix. It’s been a long 37 years.
stay in line
And the line behind coupon lady at CVS may possibly be the worst thing or also the line at Joann’s fabrics.
Oh, the Joann’s line!! 😅 I’m pretty sure that’s one of Dante’s Nine Circles…
Yes, I fear most men will never know our plight, that line definitely is one big test.
Worse than Marshall’s or Home Goods?
Ohhh tough call!
Loved this:
you give the golden ticket of selfhood to the other person and you take on the ticket of being just one of the, you know, 8 billion others, and it turns out, It's a lot of work being the self.
Next time I'm lined up I'll be thinking of you
then my work here is done
ohh no "Desperado" it truly is not lol
That was great. It brought to mind a Louis CK bit that my family and I used to reference a lot (still do actually). I used to love Louis CK before his stupid asshole proclivities were revealed to the world. Anyhoo. It had to do with him waiting in line at a bank or something like that, seething and looking at everyone in line, and how one tends to think nasty thoughts about others at times like that. You never look at someone and think "hmmm, I'll bet *he's* a hard worker!". Which is the line that we still repeat. Ah Louis. You idiot.
as a pre-masturbationgate louie big time fan, I relate hard. I just finished listening to this which I really loved as a deep dive into loving cancelled / bad artists - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/when-you-cant-separate-art-from-artist/id1081584611?i=1000617128358
I think i'm gonna check the book out too
Hmmm... I shall take a listen. Thanks!
Many years ago (1978), I was in the Air Force and injured my back side while roughhousing with fellow airmen in the dorm. The next morning, I rode the base bus to the clinic, suffering at each bump in the road.
Once in the clinic, some authoritarian sort decided we (the folks waiting to be helped) could not talk to one another. Okay...we treated it like a prisoner-of-war situation, and learned to whisper in a way not detectable more than two feet away.
I was in line for seven hours.
When they took me into an examining room, the nurse gasped when she saw the angry pilonidal cyst at the top of my butt.
After surgery (easily the worst medical procedure when it comes to pain in my life), I was admitted to the hospital for two days before I was released to my squadron to return to training.
incredible. i hate when I get a butt cyst after some roughhousing
The nurse, who sat with me for some time each of the two days I was recovering, was nearly angelic. All that was missing were her wings.
Gimme DMW and the P.O. any day. But for god's sake don't put me in a long line at a buffet table at a fundraising event designed for BIG DONORS.
Just experienced that last week. I have never seen grown ass adults act so foolish over tiny desserts and lukewarm pasta.
Note: I am NOT a big donor, just a dumbass who donated the ticket price so I could 'learn' something at this event.
I did learn something, just not what I hoped to learn.
hahahah. buffet lines are a whole different thing
Imagine all this and add in “mountain people who don’t give af” dimensions.
I’m not close to enlightenment here. I’m just cranky and tired. I grab a snack before going to the pharmacy. But the best (absolute, hands down, always a story) is the local mountain post office. In general, what’s posted online as the operating hours is chopped up into randomized closed hours (very fun when post office is 30+ minutes round trip). Then get the happy pink slip in your mailbox? It’s not there because the mail has been sorted. It’s just there for, you know, eventually, when you come pick shit up.
The best story I have involves a line of 7 people in front of me, an older lady wearing a foot brace behind me and an older gentleman totally steamrolling the poor, poor worker behind the counter.
This guy was mountain man to a T: long scraggly beard, clothes hanging off his limbs and he was sharing in great, repetitive detail, about how he’s REALLY worried that the people who lived next door would not be getting their mail properly now that they’ve moved (can’t imagine why they’d seek other neighbors). About 12 minutes in, the lady behind me yells, “Would you shut the hell up and let us get our mail. I just had knee surgery. I ain’t got all day!”
I wanted to cry, I wanted to laugh, I wanted to shield myself from random gunfire (from her, Yosemite Sam style). I dunno man. She said what we were all saying. So I guess I was grateful. But yeah, the “mountain service” special usually involves me grabbing chips and queso to make it through.
Lol omg you should write a mountain town series
Alex, you are so close to enlightenment it’s not even funny. Oh wait - it IS funny.
hahaha
You reading this with aplomb, was the bomb.
thank you!
Every day. Your people-watching distraction is a beautiful exercise in being present. Can’t control the World--only your reaction to it. And again...the purple streaked smoothie maker is breaking down boxes in the back while my power blend blends and blends and blends. I’m quite sure it’s ready about a year ago. But you check those boxes you diligent employee...fuck me argghhh.
lol
When your bumbleboy Sartre said, and I paraphrase here, standing in line at the UPS is the only way you know you're alive! He wasn't just blowing smoke up your....
Yes for audio accompaniment!
woohoo! I used to do this for paid posts but then stopped cuz its ALOT
It is super alot. Also i think its a genetic fact that everyone hates the sound of their own voice
Longest line--the pharmacy to pick up my and The Husband’s meds. There’s always a hard of hearing senior there whose meds aren’t ready yet and doesn’t understand why. Bonded lots of times with people in the line-up and had more then one person turn around at the counter and apologize for taking so long! Maybe it’s because we’re Canadian?
i dread the pharmacy line. our pharmacy has drive through though. i build my entire day/week around getting to places when there will be small lines
Dude I hate how I can't stand in a line like that without fixating on the person in front and brooding about how slow they or other person behind the counter is being. WTF has happened to my ability to wait.
hate is other people in line
But did you work out and get to the dinner party on time? I too have reached Zen in the UPS store.
na we were late all is lost
dear alex,
i love you and thank you for this as always and here are the correct answers from me:
What was the longest you’ve had to wait in a line?
when i was just starting out in comedy, i lived in boston and found out that the hbo aspen comedy festival was holding auditions at madison square garden and a few of us drove down to wait in line (so the wait started with a four-hour drive) and i don't remember what time we got there but maybe it was the night before or super early in the morning but it was hours and hours and hours of just waiting and hanging with comedian friends and strangers on the streets of new york so it was pretty fun actually!
Would you have left the line?
if i were you, i would have done exactly what you did.
if i were me, i might have done something differently.
Have you worked in a place where people waited in line for service?
yes! i worked at a barnes and noble cafe and one time when i Wasn't working, a co-worker was working alone with a supervisor and the supervisor took a long smoke break and left the worker to deal with a long long line and so he just quit and left
A post office or DMV: which is more hell-adjacent in your experience?
secret third option: NOWHERE! or YOUR OWN MIND!
but also, DMV.
love you!
myq
Would you have left the line?
"if i were you, i would have done exactly what you did."
so do you believe in detereminism?
I believe in determinism regarding the past and free will regarding the future.
bonus belief: I don’t believe in the past or the future.
And in this specific situation… whatever you exactly did, if I were exactly you, then I would exactly do.
That’s a poem I wrote for you
Or did I write it for u