21 Comments

BOOKY HOMECOMING a genius

Expand full comment

this is a long essay good job young steve

Expand full comment

FO LEATHER

Expand full comment

does he have a Tony or a Grammy

Expand full comment

I asked him and he said no because he cannot sing and he cannot do acting on a stage which is how you win the tony award. i asked him if he would do shakespeare and he said no. -- Steve

Expand full comment

water cycle is v crucial to know about i say this as a former water scientist (for real)

Expand full comment

hahahaha this was genuinely my fav thing in the whole essay - a random water cycle image that Steve copied from a diff assignment and forgot to delete.

but wait - u r former water scientist?? so many questions I have about each word in that title

Expand full comment

let me blow you mind: a former fluvial geomorphologist

Expand full comment

plz explain what each word in there means

Expand full comment

Fluvial: flowing water

Geo: earth

Morph: change

Ologist: person who studies

So a fluvial geomorphologist is someone (me!) who studies how rivers change landscapes

Expand full comment

Bro got more rizz than I do 💀

Expand full comment

oh yea the Rizz is strong in this one

Expand full comment

i just read this out loud to my girlfriend and we both love it.

AND here are some favorite parts from along the way:

first favorite part:

"Lauren did not know Alex said yes to doing an interview with me so when I came over she was confused"

also fun:

"My parents say I can only see PG13 movies even though I’m only 10 so I am 3 years early"

a delight:

"She was laughing a lot but it didn’t seem like it was supposed to be funny."

very thorough:

"Please include a photo portfolio of any previous works along with your application."

love:

"I wonder if my older sister Lucy will have this happen to her and her friends. "

optimism i love!:

"it received 3.6 stars out of 10 stars. Mathematically that’s about 40%."

precocious!:

"Lauren laughed then and it sounded like how my mom laughs when she is mad with my dad."

rini's (my girlfriend's) first favorite part!:

"I think he has two armpit hairs also but he won’t show us."

DOING A CRIME!:

"Alex was seeing another woman which is illegal so Alex was probably doing a crime."

honesty!:

"I think this was romantic but I dunno."

DID HE ASK DAD?:

"Nate often is texting people photos of fruit that look like butts (ask dad if this is okay to leave in)."

burn!:

"The phone looks like it would be made for my grandpa."

i already said i liked this in another comment and here it is again:

"Alex just knew the inside of book and he loved it! "

"You could say this was a romance between two books."

maybe i'll stop putting intros to these:

"What happened next? I’m glad you asked."

but not yet!:

"a tour glide"

did alex really think waffle house was a local spot?:

"This means Alex was big time wrong when he said it was a local spot haha."

did a fifth grader really write this? a wise one!:

"I hope one day I will be a special person to someone like Brenda."

i'm going to share this with a sound guy friend of mine!

"That was a guy who was a “sound guy” which probably means he was great at hearing things."

this kid loves his parents!:

"I cant wait for that but I know I will miss my parents and ask to live with them anyways."

this is sweet!:

"Alex said “Lauren is the best thing that ever happened to me” and then Lauren returned and he said it again very loud so she could hear and I could see on Lauren’s face she was not mad at him anymore."

another of rini's fave parts!:

"Alex and Lauren weren’t farting though because they were falling in love."

OR A BUNCH:

"...when the sun was up they saw each other’s faces and decided to kiss a few times or a bunch"

i bet it WAS a good impression:

"Lauren didn’t laugh and I dont know what movie it is but I think it was a good impression."

me too!:

"When I stay up all night at a sleepover the next day I’m a sack of potatoes."

good advice!:

“follow your heart when you really like someone it is okay to tell someone else you don’t like them anymore.”

(THAT'S RIGHT! JUDY IS WRONG!)

ONE NIGHT KISSY EVENT:

"Lauren was not sure what this was going to be yet maybe just a one night kissy event but Alex had already changed his life big time."

I FEEL SEEN:

"It began with seeing a movie called Tree of Life which is actually a film because no one knows what is happening in it."

every skill AND area!:

"The days and nights went back and forth like a ping pong ball in Nate’s basement where I always beat him in ping pong so it really makes no sense that Brenda would like him because I am better in every skill and area."

beautiful:

"Then finally and on the other hand..."

a fine way to put it!:

"after all these years they are still dating and actually are now married"

love!:

"But before now, right after then..."

whoa!:

"And this was back before the Iphone 12"

makes sense!:

"Alex made me promise I would include the link in my essay."

beautiful!:

"This is a white lie I am of course sad but my friendship is more imporatn than a girl I like."

hilarious!:

"I’m thinking of making my own movies soon and maybe I will meet a makeup artist too."

fun start and meaningful finish!:

"Subsequently and on the other hand I want to take time to focus on myself."

!!!!!!:

"Maybe the title of ALex and Lauren love story is just Homecoming because their love story is about coming home."

love and thanks friend!

Expand full comment

MYQ omg you have truly no idea how happy it made me AND Steve Haswell to read through all these. A giant dumb grin spread all over my face. I love you AND NOW I love rini who has impeccable taste in both boyfriend and comedy given her fav parts were about armpit hair and farting.

Also yes I did genuinely think wafflehouse was a local spot I am a moron from the northeast and before that soviet russia and thought hey - if they say they are the wafflehouse then how could there be more than one?

Once more - I send so much love to you dude thank you

Expand full comment

thank you for this follow-up, my friend!

much love indeed!

Expand full comment

HMU folks are my favorite people on set and you married well Alex. I loved Distance and remember seeing it and you at a Q and A at the Convention Center. 💚

Expand full comment

Addie you are my favorite person on set thank you ilu

Expand full comment

DOES THIS CHILD HAVE A SUBSTACK PLEASE I MUST HAVE MORE!

there are so many gems here.

like...

"Alex just knew the inside of book and he loved it!

You could say this was a romance between two books.

Maybe instead of Bloody homecoming the title of their movie would be Booky Homecoming."

and many more that i will highlight when i read it again later, maybe outside to my girlfriend whose book insides (and outsides) i also love!

thank you for sharing this!

Expand full comment

Steve Haswell says he will be down to keep writing essays if he has time while at sleepaway camp

Expand full comment

that's wonderful news

Expand full comment
Comment deleted
Jul 14, 2022
Comment deleted
Expand full comment

kiki omg thank you! I will let Steve Haswell know that you dug his work

Expand full comment