the weird superstitions of a soviet jew + what r ur superstitions?? (MAYA/YAMA)

tell me about the weird things u believe in and i'll tell you about mine

What is up, besides the sky am I right folks? 

taps the mic to see if it’s on

super loud noise and lots of feedback

Guess it’s on, heh.

Someone in the crowd yells “get off the stage!”

stare at that guy for a while

keep staring, don't say anything. everyone's getting uncomfortable now, like wait usually the comedian would keep trying to tell jokes and keep failing why isn't this guy saying anything he's just sort of staring

Everyone starts looking at each other like what is happening are we being punked??

A couple coughs, then silence again.

The same guy from earlier the one who said "get off the stage" speaks again. "Cat got your tongue???"

A few people laugh but not as many as before.

Now the guy is sweating. Visibly, but I just keep staring.

This goes on for a few more minutes, everyone on the edge of their seats, so far on the edge that a couple people fall down and bonk their heads, everyone equal parts confused and awed.

Finally the guy goes, "Man hey I'm sorry, I was just copying what they do in movies I didn't realize how it might actually hurt your feelings."

Still staring I open my eyes wider and just say "meeeeeeeow."

The crowd goes nuts. A guy wearing purple suspenders with a cell phone screams into it, "Larry get a load of this" and then holds the cell phone up to the laughing.

Larry, at home in his checkered pajamas sitting at his breakfast table drinking his coffee reading the paper listens to the crowd laughing for a while and finally he says into the phone, "ok but like, why are they laughing"

And purple suspenders screams “say it again!!”

And then I say again, just one more time, "meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeow"

And the crowd loses their shit and so does Larry who at this point is already on the way to the make-em-famous studio with a piece of toast in his mouth bc he literally was rushing so fast that he didn't even have time to finish his toast.

So yea. That's a little bit of my origin story. A lot of people ask me about it. They say, Alex, how did you do it, and I explain -- simple - I was wearing my luckie pair of undies that day.

And they always ask which pair??

To which I always respond "The orange ones, with the chicken nuggets on them, that I got from MeUndies a while back and that have holes now where the balls are."

Which brings us to today's topic for a special round of YAMA/MAYA called…

MAYA/YAMA!!!!

That’s right, this time we’re flipping the order around: 

1. Me Ask You Anything

2. You Ask Me Anything

It's a revolutionary upgrade from the AMA that you know and love AND from the YAMA/MAYA we usually do.

🧙🔮🧙🔮 This month's topic: superstitions et al 🧙🔮🧙🔮

• superstitions

• spirituality and, sure, religion

• tarot etc

• and other stuff you believe but cannot prove

Superstitions fascinate me. Not like “what the heck why is everyone so dumb” — quite the opposite. It’s amazing how these religious-like codes materialized in different cultures to protect people, improve our lives, etc. Incredible.

This has me wondering…

What superstitions do you believe? Or that your family believes in or tried to make you believe growing up?

Also, what superstitions do you think are new? Like, which ones are the ones that we are creating now that will be considered wild and fun by people 200 years from now?

And/or: are you religious? Spiritual? God is a person alive on the planet right now, who is it?

Tell me in the comments, then ask me a question back!

My superstitions

Ok so most of mine are Russian. Because I’m Russian. Well, I was born in Ukraine back when it was the USSR. I’m Jewish though, and they don’t love Jews there, so what am I really? Not Ukrainian, not really, bc I speak Russian, and not Russian cuz fuck Russia, so Jewish? I moved to the USSA when I was seven via a refugee program for Jewish people in the 90s, and now I’m a cool American thinktank. 

Superstitions: The big one I believe and LOVE is that before any journey, everyone has to sit down and be quiet for a moment. Growing up we'd always do this. Whenever we'd go anywhere on a trip or like one of us would go fly somewhere, we would all sit on the first few steps of the stairs in our house. Sometimes my dad would sit on the floor. We’d all be quiet for a few seconds, and then we'd go. 

Lauren and I do this now, and it's definitely something I want to keep doing with my family. You can sit anywhere - the car, outside, the plane. When we were shooting Distance, I had everyone sit for a second before we started the first day. Nice. 

I also still believe INTENSELY is that you can't step over someone. Like if I'm lying down and Lauren steps over me, that means I will stop growing. Like, physically. No more height for me, which would be BAD since my doctor told me I have a growth spurt coming when I’m 39 years old he PROMISED. 

Luckily you can reverse it by stepping back over the person.

Another big one is that you can't hand anyone a knife or anything sharp directly. You have to put it down on the counter and then they can pick it up. Just yesterday I had to give Lauren a knife and she extended her hand like “gimme” and I went out of my way to place it on the table for her to pick up. 

Also don't leave money on any counter - that's bad luck for some reason. Or like bragging?

Oh and my parents told me about this one: you don't buy any gifts for a baby until after they're born. Otherwise it might curse them.

To keep the devil away you spit three times over your left shoulder, cuz that's where the devil hangs out and he's a big germaphobe. Ptooey!

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See you turds in the comment section!