The ONLY Tip You Need To Become A Great Writer

If you are ready to change your life, keep reading.

No one wants to say it, but its true. So here goes.

Are you ready?

Because this will change your life.

If you’re standing up, sit down.

If you’re sitting down, stand up.

Did you feel it?

The change has already begun.

Say no to everything.

No I am not kidding you.

No there is not any other way.

No is the new yes and yes?

Well yes has simply got to go.

Say No To Everything.

Your time is too valuable to be spent doing things.

Attend your best friend’s bachelor party? No.

Relax at the park with your husband and get a frozen yogurt afterwards? No and no.

Spend time with your ailing grandmother? Sorry, my condols, but absolutely not.

These things….they get in the way.

But if you say no - once you say no - you’ll finally have time.

And then when the big ask comes.

The one question that will finally change everything.

“Hey do you want to write this book? We will pay you handsomely and relinquish all creative control. The time has come and it is here, dear writer, for you to shine.”

You can look that pantsuit wearing agent square in the eyes, take a deep breath, exhale that breath and say…

“No.”

You can’t.

Because even writing doesn’t matter. Not when you’re a Writer.

It sickens me to say how few people today understand this. The ones that do - the real writers - you have no idea who they are because they stopped writing long ago.

Once you become a Writer, you don’t need to write.

I haven’t seen my wife or kids in months.

I haven’t written in years.

I don’t need to. It would get in the way.

No one will tell you this because they are scared. They are sheep.

I am a Wolf.

In Sanskrit, the word Wolf means Writer.

Do you get it now?

You are a wolf too, but you wear sheeps clothing.

Why?

Because it was on sale?

Take off your sheep costume and be the wolf that you are.

Let me hear you howl.

Awoooo.

I am teaching workshops. They are expensive. And they are important.

You think you understand, but you don’t. Not yet.

Sign up here — ADD LINK (note for assistant).

‘But signing up would be doing something’, you think.

Shut the hell up.

Don’t think.

Just sign up.

We won’t do anything in the workshops.

We will just sit.

Someone will pass out Nature’s Valley granola bars. If there’s a good sale on coco water at Costco, I’ll have enough for each person to split one with their neighbor.

Do not put your mouth on the lip of the coco water its disgusting just hold it above your mouth and let it pour down into your gullet.

Some might spill but it’s okay I will have paper towels (note to assistant: plz buy paper towels, coco water, and nature’s valley granola bars THE HEALTHY KIND at Costco using my dad’s membership).

(note to assistant: delete the stuff above)

You will learn the power of not doing anything.

Eventually, if you are good enough, you will teach workshops.

You will give me a small kickback for each workshop you teach.

More and more people will learn The Way of the Wolf.

Which, if you’re paying attention, means The Way of the Writer.

Awooooo (howling noise).

Some of them will want to teach workshops.

Let them.

You will get a small kickback from their classes.

And I will get a small kickback from you.

See where this is going?

An army of wolves, Writers, growing every day in a way that feels nothing like a pyramid and is definitely not a scheme what a yucky word that is.

This is a Circle of Wolves.

A Circle of Writers.

Awoooo.

Use promo code DONOTHING at checkout for $300 off your $11,997 enrollment.

Or are you afraid?

Baa, baa, said the sheep.

Awoo, Awoo, said the wolf.

I am also looking for an assistant to help me set up a website and links to capture payment for the workshops — please send application + cover letter. Position is unpaid but Nature’s Valley granola bars will be provided.

I am also seeking an agent to help me shop around my new mystery novel, “Crime and Punishment?” Think Da Vinci Code meets Anna Karanenana with a dash of Dexter (early seasons). Plus some wolf stuff. Samples available upon request.