no, they don't hate you

they're too busy worrying you hate them

some things in life
are simply true
like peanut butter
jelly
and cows that go
moo

but some things seem true
feel true
but are not
like this one
which gets me in trouble
a lot

-

i sit there
all day
wondering whether people in my life hate me
or believing that they do
being sure of it:

they’re mad at me
they think i’m bird poop
they’re probably sitting there right now
with their celebrity friends
laughing about how much I suck
about how they just can’t understand
what’s wrong with me
they’re worried about me
they wish they could help
but alas
i am beyond help
and though they’d never say this publicly
there
in the privacy of their community
amongst their celebrity friends
because their therapist told them it was important
to speak their truth
they’re going to just be honest
and say
they really hate me
they do
phew, that felt good
to just say it

no?
no.
that’s impossible
and i’ll tell you why

one,
because no one has celebrity friends

two,
because they
the people i think hate me
are much too busy
sitting there
all day
wondering whether i hate them
or believing that i do
being sure of it

i’m mad at them
i think they’re bird poop
i’m probably sitting there right now
with my celebrity friends
laughing about how much they suck
about how i just can’t understand
what’s wrong with them
i’m worried about me
i wish they could help
but alas
they am beyond help
and though i’d never say this publicly
but here
in the privacy of their community
amongst my celebrity friends
and because my therapist told me it was important
to speak my truth
i’m going to just be honest
and say
i really hate them
i do
phew, that felt good
to just say it

no?
no.
that’s impossible
and i’ll tell you why

one,
because all of my celebrity friends are busy shooting a big movie right now

two,
because i’m too busy sitting here
all day
wondering whether they hate me
or believing that they do
being sure of it

A Man in a Spiracle, Iceland, Tempest Anderson (1893)

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Science shows that ppl who join the 🦇 BATCAVE 🦇 have a non-zero chance of getting married after joining.

This, scientifically, is huge.

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today at 4pm est, me and caroline talk live

today (tue) at 4pm (four pee em) est (est) I am talking live with Caroline Cala Donofrio. Caroline is the best and an amazing writer and just came back from substackabatical! this post details her return + a list of her most banger posts

Hi.