if ur feeling sad after posting something
this might help idk
the other day i was feeling sad. loyal BATheads will know that this is like saying ‘the other day, the sun rose’ given its frequency, banality, and the fact that staring at it (the fact, the sun) will make you go blind.
the important ‘take away’
so i was sad and i was at the gym and i was sad because the numbers on something i posted didn’t number like i wanted them to
they were all “9” whereas i wanted “11”
and then they were like “11” but by then, i wanted “14”
and so on and so forth, receding faster than my hairline into the great abyss of never enough.
which is when, laying myself down on a bench with two dumbbells for my dumbbell chest press exercise, i remembered something i’d shared in a batwrite:
the original passage came from Illusions: the Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah, a book by Richard Bach that’d been recommended by
(go read her substack you doof).so i’m lying there “pumping” “iron” and thinking - what do I most need to hear right now and it hits me - kapow:
you’re not gonna quit.
no matter what happens with this post, you’re not quitting, are you?
And I thought for half a second and decided that no, i wasn’t going to quit. even if that post did the number 0 or even somehow got negative numbers, I still wouldn’t quit, not that day.
maybe one day but not that day.
so it didnt really matter what the result was because i wasn’t quitting.
that was strangely quite liberating to realize.
regardless, i was gonna keep going.
not forever - no one goes forever - but at least one more day one more post one more set one more one more.
and then for a brief moment, i was free.
wanna write barn burners like this? join batcave for weekly cowriting that’ll make you lift more weight at the gym (pending).
After our live, one of my favorite readers reminded me how magnetic it is not to need anything, (from an audience) and I thought of how you said you were so free in the beginning, just being a lil weirdo, finally writing after years of wishing you could. Maybe the creator’s cycle is just unburying that over and over and over. Because you know it’s a draw, and the attention is going to come, and it’s gonna get distracting, but you are ok bc your job is to find the lil magnetic not-gonna-quit-cuz this-ain’t-for-you-it’s-for-me-to-stay-free-weirdo.
Not sure I'll ever get over the doubts I have after posting something.
I think that it's a club with many members that no one wants to admit they joined.