omg have to go read The Ethicist right now… is this what they call synchronicity, where stuff you’re thinking about privately is suddenly being talked about out there in the wide world?? seriously Alex, I think you pretty much cover it: obfuscate, make up a creative excuse, lie, smile sheepishly, but for gods sake don’t be a jerk JUST SUBSCRIBE AND PAY when it’s your friend’s newsletter! And don’t even get me started on all my rich cousins who don’t pay for [B]old Age…
I agree that false praise is bad!! I think I meant more if someone specifically ask for praise, maybe you give it them I don’t know honestly I’m not sure how I feel about this post at all anymore lol but did you like it?
Support as a PAID subscriber is expected!?! Dude, I understand if your friend is trying to flex by showing that they have paid subscribers to try to lure other people in, but in that case you subscribe and they foot the bill. End of story.
I just read the article on the NYT (I get a free subscription through my school; I'm not some super-rich moneybags pay a hundred dollars a month for a subscription to a reputable news source kind of guy) and it was a little silly. To give context, the person asking the question has a small child and has been supporting their friend by going to paid exhibitions throughout their career. In the story, one person group paid subscribing to 11 newsletters sight unseen based on recommendation only. $600 a month was the quote. The people in the story are not regular people.
i think my thing is that i HATE SUBSCRIPTIONS for ANYTHING. seems blasphemous to say it on Substack but i really do. i think that's also why i've been so hesitant to 'officially' turn on paid for myself. i don't want to ask people to pay me monthly even though.... it would really help me pay my studio fee for example.
if you or anyone did a Kickstarter or wrote a book or made a movie or something like that then i'd be like 'hell yeah' but when it comes to monthly payments........... is it bad to say that i don't like it? is this bad? am i bad person? do i have to go to substack jail?
Have you thought about the "Buy me a Coffee" thing? The tip jar thing seems a little cringe, but it feels safer to me than turning on paid. When I added it, one lovely person sent me $5 and a super sweet comment.
omg omg omg I can retire now I just got my 15 seconds of supernova flame! I sent in The Ethicist idea and now it’s hanging from the ceiling in the BatCave! It’s like sending an idea to Taylor Swift and she writes a song about it?
OK, I’ll just smile sheepishly now. But smirking at The Ethicist was fun, I’ll admit, even though I like the guy.
a) 99% of my IRL friends have no idea I have been writing here -and if they figured it out, they read quietly lurking or something. I use a pen name. Even though not very hard to figure out if one really wants to.Which I guess some did.
b) sorry but your chart completely disregards whatever has to be paid for. Only stupid meds etc might run several thousand with us having good insurance (and having to constantly battle them as they're prone to strange whims)
Some of those are one of the most expensive meds currently on the market.
I also fly several times per year to a different hemisphere where my family lives, including my very sick mother I've to tend to -do you know how much is the ticket? From LA? My last normal vacation was 6 years ago.
c) what does it mean, having a house is a sham? it all depends on age and situation. when one needs to find a house that'd be-as an example- one story and remodeled to acommodate for somebody disabled i ways such and such, and this and that -no, not very easy.
Also some people have big families, rent here mught be prohibitive even for 2-3 bedrooms, while one might need 4(which rarely exist. Or is tons of money)
Once, I was young and beautiful, so I could live anywhere, and did so, and even with kids. rent, shment, small, very small, you name it. Gosh, I grew up in a communal flat in Soviet Union, believe me I'm not that spoiled.
but life changes, one moves, shit happens, and suddenly you've tons of people you're responsible for, wgile trying not to die yourself
d) back to the topic -I'd love to support here more people, I just can't. Or it needs to be a rotation of sorts.
I'm very bad with all this promoting and asking and anything like that myself, so yes, sometimes it stings when somebody from IRL who knows where I am, decides to unsubsribe (even though why would they, they expected social media and community and something FB like -and I don't want it now). It stings. Yet I'm trying at least to not compomise anything about me and my antiquated rules. I'd rather 50 people really read me, even if quietly, come to think of it, should be grateful for them, given what a mess I am , and less preoccupied with "oh, they're not my true friends". Yep; it might be they're not. Or it might be they have no idea how much those meds and tickets cost, after all it's not like I shared that info.
I’m glad you brought this up because I had an IRL friend unsubscribe to my FREE newsletter recently and it stung. Is it really too much to delete my weekly email?
yep I have these thoughts too. All these people who constantly told me how they love me, and how I write and how I should write etc etc, were telling me for years.
and I shared a link with only a few as not to bother others, literally, maybe 10 people? all of them I met online even if saw most then IRL, all of them became friends through writing. Is it too much to bear an email?
I dont know, maybe some did subsrcibed quietly while using some other email, I discovered most normal people do that. How I didn't think of it myself, I know not. all the world knows my main email now.
Then, as I've said before, nowhere I proclaimed how important is it to me. Maybe for the friends it's me leaving THEM and just going to chat on another platform, or something.
Very funny and right on. Expectation is the road to disappointment so I try not to expect anything of my friends, but if you want to be a real friend: LIKE AND COMMENT ON POSTS. If you have money to pay-subscribe, great. but in any case, LIKE AND COMMENT ON EVERY POST YOU CAN.
I mean, the guy in the article wants 50 dollars A MONTH. All but like two of my friends won't even pay 35 pounds A YEAR so you know... I don't know where I'm going with this. Someone pay me I'm hungry.
So much fun. I turned on paid and then turned off paid because it felt icky. Now I've added the "Buy me a Sweet Tea" button but still feel weird about it.
More than anything, I am wondering if there is a secret Substack police that will send threatening emails about turning off paid and allowing tips, which they don't get a piece of that action.
I think my friends worry about my mental health anyway and would be concerned to throw money at the problem.
So basically, I have no solid answer to your question.
I have some weird experience with this. I started a coffee subscription company years ago (we were featured on Fox and Friends and they didn't say our company name...bummer) when my husband I started we wanted feedback so we emailed EVERYONE we knew. Hey can you subscribe at cost and we will send you this box of coffee and it was help us figure out logistics etc.
NO ONE. I repeat NO. ONE. Besides family took us up on paying a one time fee ($10) or something to help us start a business.
Second example before I deleted Instagram I posted ALOT of attempted humorous videos. I had some cool stranger fans. But I would see that people I knew had viewed my stories and reels and they wouldn't interact AT ALL.
That's said there's probably more going on with the friends that don't subscribe or support.
ALEX DON'T READ THIS
but for everyone else here is a gift link to the NYT article
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/25/magazine/substack-newsletter-ethics.html?unlocked_article_code=1.SE8.KIur.N9Z7B0oiPa4r&smid=url-share
(which I got from using my dad's subscription, HA)
Thanks so much for sharing the link.
Totally different vibe to read the actual situation and expectation, which included a paywall web site, not only a newsletter.
The response was good.
omg have to go read The Ethicist right now… is this what they call synchronicity, where stuff you’re thinking about privately is suddenly being talked about out there in the wide world?? seriously Alex, I think you pretty much cover it: obfuscate, make up a creative excuse, lie, smile sheepishly, but for gods sake don’t be a jerk JUST SUBSCRIBE AND PAY when it’s your friend’s newsletter! And don’t even get me started on all my rich cousins who don’t pay for [B]old Age…
Lemme email your cousins I’ll tell em what’s what
there are too many to count... but great idea. you could be rude and looney and persuasive all at once
lol maybe that’s a service I provide. Unhinged demands for ppl to subscribe on other peoples newsletters to their audiences
OMG YES... ha ha how much does this cost???!
False praise feels gross. Definitely a no on paying someone who expects it.
I agree that false praise is bad!! I think I meant more if someone specifically ask for praise, maybe you give it them I don’t know honestly I’m not sure how I feel about this post at all anymore lol but did you like it?
Hahaha
Support as a PAID subscriber is expected!?! Dude, I understand if your friend is trying to flex by showing that they have paid subscribers to try to lure other people in, but in that case you subscribe and they foot the bill. End of story.
lol exactly. I wondered if maybe the NYT thing was an elaborate marketing scheme for someone’s newsletter in which case genius
I just read the article on the NYT (I get a free subscription through my school; I'm not some super-rich moneybags pay a hundred dollars a month for a subscription to a reputable news source kind of guy) and it was a little silly. To give context, the person asking the question has a small child and has been supporting their friend by going to paid exhibitions throughout their career. In the story, one person group paid subscribing to 11 newsletters sight unseen based on recommendation only. $600 a month was the quote. The people in the story are not regular people.
The Ethicist is super fucking annoying – I can't stand it, even when they are right!
i think my thing is that i HATE SUBSCRIPTIONS for ANYTHING. seems blasphemous to say it on Substack but i really do. i think that's also why i've been so hesitant to 'officially' turn on paid for myself. i don't want to ask people to pay me monthly even though.... it would really help me pay my studio fee for example.
if you or anyone did a Kickstarter or wrote a book or made a movie or something like that then i'd be like 'hell yeah' but when it comes to monthly payments........... is it bad to say that i don't like it? is this bad? am i bad person? do i have to go to substack jail?
LET PEOPLE GIVE YOU MONEY hahah
I KNOW SETH :'(((( i need a push over the ledge...
Have you thought about the "Buy me a Coffee" thing? The tip jar thing seems a little cringe, but it feels safer to me than turning on paid. When I added it, one lovely person sent me $5 and a super sweet comment.
Really hoping there is no Substack jail.
Dear Alex,
Please allow me to share with you the equivalent of my Netflix password by offering you the final line of the Ethicist's answer to this question:
"True friendship is best kept free of recurring charges."
Love you!
Myq
omg omg omg I can retire now I just got my 15 seconds of supernova flame! I sent in The Ethicist idea and now it’s hanging from the ceiling in the BatCave! It’s like sending an idea to Taylor Swift and she writes a song about it?
OK, I’ll just smile sheepishly now. But smirking at The Ethicist was fun, I’ll admit, even though I like the guy.
omg I don't know where to start even
a) 99% of my IRL friends have no idea I have been writing here -and if they figured it out, they read quietly lurking or something. I use a pen name. Even though not very hard to figure out if one really wants to.Which I guess some did.
b) sorry but your chart completely disregards whatever has to be paid for. Only stupid meds etc might run several thousand with us having good insurance (and having to constantly battle them as they're prone to strange whims)
Some of those are one of the most expensive meds currently on the market.
I also fly several times per year to a different hemisphere where my family lives, including my very sick mother I've to tend to -do you know how much is the ticket? From LA? My last normal vacation was 6 years ago.
c) what does it mean, having a house is a sham? it all depends on age and situation. when one needs to find a house that'd be-as an example- one story and remodeled to acommodate for somebody disabled i ways such and such, and this and that -no, not very easy.
Also some people have big families, rent here mught be prohibitive even for 2-3 bedrooms, while one might need 4(which rarely exist. Or is tons of money)
Once, I was young and beautiful, so I could live anywhere, and did so, and even with kids. rent, shment, small, very small, you name it. Gosh, I grew up in a communal flat in Soviet Union, believe me I'm not that spoiled.
but life changes, one moves, shit happens, and suddenly you've tons of people you're responsible for, wgile trying not to die yourself
d) back to the topic -I'd love to support here more people, I just can't. Or it needs to be a rotation of sorts.
I'm very bad with all this promoting and asking and anything like that myself, so yes, sometimes it stings when somebody from IRL who knows where I am, decides to unsubsribe (even though why would they, they expected social media and community and something FB like -and I don't want it now). It stings. Yet I'm trying at least to not compomise anything about me and my antiquated rules. I'd rather 50 people really read me, even if quietly, come to think of it, should be grateful for them, given what a mess I am , and less preoccupied with "oh, they're not my true friends". Yep; it might be they're not. Or it might be they have no idea how much those meds and tickets cost, after all it's not like I shared that info.
I’m glad you brought this up because I had an IRL friend unsubscribe to my FREE newsletter recently and it stung. Is it really too much to delete my weekly email?
yep I have these thoughts too. All these people who constantly told me how they love me, and how I write and how I should write etc etc, were telling me for years.
and I shared a link with only a few as not to bother others, literally, maybe 10 people? all of them I met online even if saw most then IRL, all of them became friends through writing. Is it too much to bear an email?
I dont know, maybe some did subsrcibed quietly while using some other email, I discovered most normal people do that. How I didn't think of it myself, I know not. all the world knows my main email now.
Then, as I've said before, nowhere I proclaimed how important is it to me. Maybe for the friends it's me leaving THEM and just going to chat on another platform, or something.
But yes. Indoubtedly, it stings.
Very funny and right on. Expectation is the road to disappointment so I try not to expect anything of my friends, but if you want to be a real friend: LIKE AND COMMENT ON POSTS. If you have money to pay-subscribe, great. but in any case, LIKE AND COMMENT ON EVERY POST YOU CAN.
The right answer is for friends with money concerns to comp each other.
I mean, the guy in the article wants 50 dollars A MONTH. All but like two of my friends won't even pay 35 pounds A YEAR so you know... I don't know where I'm going with this. Someone pay me I'm hungry.
So much fun. I turned on paid and then turned off paid because it felt icky. Now I've added the "Buy me a Sweet Tea" button but still feel weird about it.
More than anything, I am wondering if there is a secret Substack police that will send threatening emails about turning off paid and allowing tips, which they don't get a piece of that action.
I think my friends worry about my mental health anyway and would be concerned to throw money at the problem.
So basically, I have no solid answer to your question.
But thanks for the laugh!
This was awesome lol.
I have some weird experience with this. I started a coffee subscription company years ago (we were featured on Fox and Friends and they didn't say our company name...bummer) when my husband I started we wanted feedback so we emailed EVERYONE we knew. Hey can you subscribe at cost and we will send you this box of coffee and it was help us figure out logistics etc.
NO ONE. I repeat NO. ONE. Besides family took us up on paying a one time fee ($10) or something to help us start a business.
Second example before I deleted Instagram I posted ALOT of attempted humorous videos. I had some cool stranger fans. But I would see that people I knew had viewed my stories and reels and they wouldn't interact AT ALL.
That's said there's probably more going on with the friends that don't subscribe or support.
You're logic makes sense tho.