hi diary its me #1

a story of a kid (me) w 3 balls + also happy farter's day +

I would say it's kind of the out-of-control (in a good way) outbursts of a man who's somehow able to get things down on paper with seemingly no filter whatsoever. Sometimes it's really funny and sometimes it's super vulnerable, and I'm here for both of those things.

— A reader, describing BAT

this image is big on tumblr / are.na BUT no one can tell what movie its from - a few ppl say Life Is Beautiful but I checked a transcript and its not there so….if anyone can correctly name this movie they get a free year subscription to BAT

I sent a survey to the paid subscribers the other day. The responses were nothing short of breathtaking, that is to say I could not breathe because my breath had been taken. Liam Neeson is currently on a mission to recover my breath.

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills that are specifically well suited to getting Alex Dobrenko’s breath back.
—Liam Neeson, Taken

I’ll publish the results from the survey in a peep-reviewed journal momentarily, but for now let’s focus on one specific question. I asked people to choice-rank what their favorite part of BAT.paid was and the results are nothing short of breathgiving (stand down, Liam).

To all my haters that said I was not good at doing spreadsheet stuff - eat my lunch.

Though “Nothing I just wanna support you!” had the most #1 votes, when the choice ranking hi-end algo-rhythm was calculated, the #1 choice was…

paywalled more ‘intimate’ (ew) content!!!

And that’s cool because it tracks with what’s most fun for me - to just write like a dumbass about whatever’s on my noggin. And hey maybe I’ll throw in some SUPER PERSONAL STUFF too who knows? Like, will I share about the time when I was a kid and learned I had not two but three testicles? Maybe.

Regardless, it’s just gonna be goofin river-of-consciousness stuff. And besides the whole 3ball thing above, I won’t be trying to convince anyone to come and become a paid subscriber. Cuz that makes me feel like a stinker and a dead bird. Yuck.

(btw - rhythm is an INSANE word!! Just one ‘y’ sandwiched between FIVE consonants, two of which are ‘h’. Insane. When will they make a movie about the letter H? WHEN?)

Hypothetically speaking, just so you can understand what I’m talking about — If I was going to do clickbait bullshit to get you to pay, I’d probably say something like…

One time, a guy tried to kill me. Little did he know…